Chapter 2

Being September, this story naturally follows August ... It is still warm in the valley of the Missouri River.

My sister Lisa and her best friend Jamie were in our kitchen when I got home from school. I had about an hour before I would have to shower, get dressed, and go relieve mom and dad at our family restaurant.

Lisa had a spiral bound notebook open on the breakfast table and Jamie was working on a large collection of small empty glass bottles sitting in a wire basket. She was holding each one under the running tap on one side of the kitchen sink before sitting it in a pool of soapy water on the other side.

“You don’t have to clean them that well just to put them in the recycling bin,” I said.

“They aren’t being recycled,” Jamie said.

Lisa shot her a glare as if she had said something wrong.

“Well,” Jamie said very softly to me with a mischievous grin, “not in the way you think.”

Lisa continued to stare lazer beams into Jamie, as her best friend ignored them.

“Homework?” I asked.

“Ich nehme an, das könnte man sagen,” (I suppose that you could say that), Lisa replied.

Oh, they were being German again...

It’s a little weird ... Okay, it’s more than a little weird. But the last time I got a free booty-show out of it. So, I figured it was worth a few minutes of my time to play along with the nuttiness and see what happened. Jamie did have a really cute little butt underneath the light cotton flower print dress she was wearing.

“What class is this for ... I mean ... what’s the point of what you’re doing?”

“Ich verstehe nicht,” (I don’t understand), said Jamie.

“Hat er nicht gesagt, dass er deutsch spricht?” (Didn’t he say he spoke German?)

“Ja er hat,” (yes he did), Lisa said to Jamie before turning to me.

“Bitte, wir lernen Englisch...” (please we’re learning English, but we don’t understand, would you speak German?)

“You want me to speak German,” I asked.

Jamie smiled. And Lisa smiled back, then Jamie fondled her best friend’s smallish but pert breasts through the spaghetti strapped top of the pale sour apple green dress she was wearing.

Okay, I thought. Nobody should sell my sister or cousin short. Still in high school, these two have just figured out an effective way to teach and practice a foreign language.

Okay...

“Warum...” (Why are you measuring these empty bottles?) I asked.

“Wir müssen ein paar neue Dildos kaufen,” (We need to buy two new dildos), said Jamie.

“Weil wir die alten...” (because we’ve worn the old ones out), Lisa said with a huge grin.

I smiled thinking, “Holy shit.” My heart filled with pride for what a beautifully dirty mind my younger sister had. At least that was one of the physical reactions that I was experiencing.

“Aber deine unlogischen amerikanischen...” (but your illogical American measurements are so weird), continued Jamie.

“Wir werden uns messen müssen,” (we’re going to have to measure ourselves), said Lisa.

“Ja, um die richtige Größe...” (yes, to figure out the correct size to buy).

“Uns, als Deutsche...” (so, being German) ... said my sister.

“Und alles Mögliche...” (and doing all manner of things in a technically competent way)...

“Ob solche Dinge einen Ingenieur mit...” (whether such things warrant an engineer with an advanced mathematical degree or not).

“Wir haben uns einen Plan...” (we came up with a plan).

“Wir werden dies wissenschaftlich tun,” (we are going to do this scientifically).

“Wir müssen die verfügbare Fläche messen,” (we need to measure the available area).

“Umfang und Tiefe...” (circumference and depth)...

“Damit wir neue Dildos kaufen...” (so that we can buy new dildos that fit us properly).

I looked more closely at their basket and they had quite a collection of empty bottles. I could recognize some of them, like two different sizes of the hot sauce bottles with the little wooden balls on the top. Most of them were labeled...

That seemed to be what Jamie was doing ... removing the labels.

While the bottles were of different shapes and sizes they were all made of glass and on the smallish side. There was a soy sauce bottle with a long tapered neck, a Japanese rice vinegar bottle with a shorter neck, and an olive oil bottle that was basically one tall tapered cone. There was a little green bottle that was square, and an eight sided one that previously held ketchup.