Chapter 14

“Who?”

“The powers that be ... they’re like gods.”

“You’re shitting me. Mister ... I’m so damn wet and hungry...”

“Get in the car ... there’s a still warm pizza on the backseat. I have no idea...

<Ours>

... why I bought the damn thing ... but it’s getting colder while you’re arguing about it.”

She decided ... probably helped along by the patrolling Highway Patrol car just pulling in the entrance. If we were still sitting here blocking the exit as they made their paseo ... I’m sure at least one of the pair of officers would perform his civic duty and I’d get a ‘warning’ and she’d be in jail.

She squished. Turned in her seat and snatched that still passing hot box and set it on her lap. The heat radiating off that steamy cardboard on her thighs caused a world class shudder.

Thank god for heated leather seats.

<Yer welcome>

We’re in Weigel’s country. Their pizza puts Little Caesars to shame. She opened that box and the aroma that had been lurcking in the backseat invaded the front and my stomach did flips ... as I’m sure it would after a couple of slices of cheesy meaty goodness.

“Young lady,” I said. “You eat every slice of that ... my constitution would have you driving me to the hospital if I had so much as I bite.”

“Why’d ya buy it? No ... wait ... the powers that be told you to.”

“Yup.”

<Next exit, pull into the Weigel’s. We want to try something.>

Like I said ... Weigel’s country ... there’s one at every exit. The next was 35 miles. She was stuffed and in distress as we pulled in. She RAN in and headed for the miraculously empty Ladies.

I, however, was out pumping 100% gas when the Troopers pulled in and flashed their lights and blipped their siren.

<Don’t say it ... we had nothing to do with this.>

Well ... start as you mean to go ... I was on my cell phone before they dismounted.

“Johnson, Johnson and Dillinger.”

“David Haskins,” I said.

“Mr. Haskins, what is it this time?”

I have a reputation ... she is privy to my quirks and foibles. Law Clerk, receptionist and the senior Johnson’s granddaughter. She carries the burden of greatness.

“Highway Patrol,” I said.

“Speeding?”

“Picked up a wet waif.”

“Ah ... let me speak to the officer.”

“Officers ... there’s two.”

“Well ... put one on.”

“Who is senior?” I asked the pair. It was perfectly obvious ... the senior officer wore sergeants stripes but one can never take rank for granted. The sergeant took my phone.

“What?” he said.

“You can’t do that.” Evidently she told him he was being recorded.

“Officer of the court?” That would be the reason she could ... and she could anyway ... without that reason. And she had warned him.

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Greying gentleman ... looks to be about 55 or 60...”

“80? He doesn’t look it.”

“Transporting a minor across state lines for immoral purposes.”

The second patrolman was looking slightly bewildered. The girl was obviously NOT in the car. He looked the question. I pointed to the store. I mouthed “P.” “I have heated seats, they always cause that.”

There commenced a commotion in the store. The state has their own lottery ... scratch cards. The big one is a million. The little ones start at three dollars.

The young cop hitched his belt, stopped to speak to the sergeant and headed inside.

<It worked>

What did you do?

<Stashed a five in her underwear, kept telling her to buy a scratchoff.>

Ah.

<That is one stubborn female.>

What did she win?

<Winning.>

Oh Shit.

<Seven Shamrocks ... just a hundred>

Is that all?

<No.>

While I was contemplating my sins, she was still scratching scratchoffs. The patrollman was watching. No matter what ... she was going to make it out of the store alive.

<You’ll have to go to Metropolis>

In the store was screaming and dancing.

What?

<Million a year for life.>

“Holy Hell.”

“Mr. Haskins,” said the sergeant. He proffered my phone.

“Yes?”

I took it back.

“Sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Had to get gas anyway.”

Then he put his hand to his ear.

“Say that again...”

“Escort? Yes sir.”

My waif came dancing out of the store. She had a couple of bills and a big grin. The junior cop was right behind her. The entire store personnel followed and the customers right behind them.

Weigel’s have huge awinings ... not everyone stayed dry.

I got my receipt from the pump. She bounced all the way to the car, her new sweatshirt proudly proclaiming,

I WON AT WEIGEL’S
MONSTER MILLIONS SCRATCHOFFS