Chapter 7

Ara was back in Edinburgh but nothing had changed. They were drawn to each other, in a way Andrew had not experienced before, but the problem with her family was as bad as ever. Was he just torturing himself with her? Andrew was fed up with his teenage melodrama, he needed to take Suzanne’s advice and get out of his own head. So taking advantage of the last of the good summer weather Andrew organised the outdoor photoshoot with Maggie in her Monica persona. Her reaction to having to be ready to be collected at 6.30 was not entirely positive but she was ready when Andrew collected her. The Park gates opened at 7.00 in the early morning pre-dawn light and they drove to the carpark on Arthur’s seat.

“I can’t believe you have me climbing Arthur’s bleeding Seat at 7.00 in the morning wearing trainers and a coat.”

Monica had on a long winter coat but was naked under it, and Andrew had fashionable boots for her to change into in his backpack. And just as with the previous weekend with June it went without a hitch. The path up the hill was smooth and obvious and when they got to the peak of the hill there was not a soul in sight. Monica sat down on the grass and changed into the boots and then Andrew got two quick rolls of film of her standing there as the sun rose behind her. About half of the shots were Monica wearing the coat but it hanging open but the whole second roll was Monica naked but for her boots. Andrew got five great shots out of the two rolls. There were two shots facing west, the castle clearly in the distance. In the first Monica was facing the camera and in the second she was facing away from the camera but peering back over her right shoulder. The other three were where Andrew was facing east with the sun rising behind her. The single best shot was sunlight bursting between Monica’s legs with her face and body in shadow. It was a fluke, it was not what Andrew was going for but it was the basis for several more shoots as the sun rose over the following years.

Unlike June, there was no hesitation with Monica, she was unashamedly posing naked on the top of the hill, clearly visible if there were any other early morning hikers. But they were back in the car about to leave before another vehicle parked in the carpark and two people headed up to the summit.

“That was so easy. What made you think of it?”

“I was walking to school one morning and I saw Arthur’s Seat in the distance. I mean I see it every day but that particular day it flitted through my mind that it would be quiet first thing in the morning. I mean who goes hiking at 6.30 or 7.00 in the morning. Any serious hikers will have headed up north. Arthur’s Seat is for tourists, it would be deserted. And the chance to shoot you with the Castle in the background, it seemed to perfect. I just hoped there would be no one here. We lucked out.”

Monica had taken off the coat and pulled off her trainers and was struggling to slip into a bikini while seat belted in. Andrew had to be careful to concentrate on the road as she nestled everything into place. But the second part of the shoot was the same location and scenario as with June, a short sundress with a bikini underneath. By the time they got there it was warm enough that Monica left her coat in the car. As it had been with June she was amazed at the empty stretch of beach so close to the city.

“This is an amazing find. I am going to come here next summer if I want to sit and tan.”

The shoot was the exact opposite of June’s. Monica stripped naked and walked and posed for nearly an hour without a stitch on. Andrew got a nice sequence of shots with Monica hamming it up with the Forth Bridge in the background. But as they walked down the main stretch of sand Monica’s face was not just happy but serene. She really conveyed the idea of a summer beach holiday, relaxed, not a care in the world. It was. It wasn’t effortlessly sexy, because it was clear she was making an effort. It gave the appearance of being effortlessly sexy, relaxed sexy, innocently sexy. That last is too much the other way, but there was something about the way she posed.

It was much later before Andrew realised that it was the physical manifestation of what they had talked about for years. This is who she was; what was the big deal? Monica was being free, and the real person Maggie hiding behind her modelling persona well she was being truthful. It was how Monica reacted when they saw someone off in the distance that made Andrew realise there was something deeper to the shoot. Because Monica didn’t rush to get dressed. She didn’t just stand there buck naked but if the person had been paying attention then it would have been obvious what they were doing. He wasn’t though, and no sooner were he and his dog past them then she stripped again. The final roll of film was of Monica rolling around on the beach towel, probably being the most daring that she had ever been with Andrew. This shoot was much more for Maggie than it was for Andrew. Again, a belated realisation days later. When the final shot was taken Monica was in no hurry to get dressed, walking about naked, with the chance of being seen, was still appealing. The camera had been an excuse for her. She had put her sneakers back on and was carrying her sundress but was still naked.

“I can’t believe how much I enjoyed this. When you talked about shooting outside I was unsure but it was so much better than I thought. I think it goes back to the idea of people seeing me naked, knowing what I am like. That is why I don’t let anyone publish the pictures. I don’t want a record of them in a magazine somewhere. But I also lay in bed and thought about posing naked in front of eight or ten men in a studio. With just you and me out here what was the big deal if someone saw me. My only worry would be that they would freak out, make a scene. I know I put my dress back on when they guy wandered by with his dog but I was seriously tempted to just stay naked. Maybe stop shooting until he had gone but just stand there. He got to see my tits, what’s the big deal. It is six or seven less men than normally see them. Does that make any sense?”

Andrew had no idea of the concept of exhibitionism, in the late summer of 1982 there was no way to look up such things, no one to discuss the situation with. But Maggie was an exhibitionist, a mild one to be sure, but it was clear as day. It was why she was a model and she got a real thrill from exposing herself. She had parlayed this trait into a nice little sideline, she made decent money working as a part-time nude model in Edinburgh. All very mild and low key, and yet still considerably out of the mainstream. And Andrew had ended up working with her, all through luck and happenstance.

“Sure it does. Other than that first shoot we have always worked just the two of us. When you talk about a standard camera club modelling session what you are saying makes perfect sense. You want people to see you naked, but you want to do it anonymously, not get any kind of reputation or be judged.”

“That is it. I get excited to be seen but I don’t want to be known.”

It was a fine line to walk but Maggie, in her guise as Monica, had found the perfect way to do it. When it was time to head off the beach Maggie pulled her dress over her head and the two of them walked back to the car.

“I can’t believe how much fun I had doing this. We will have to do it again.”

“You know I am always happy to spend time with you, the fact you are naked is just a happy coincidence.”

Maggie whacked his arm.

“But the weather is turning. Outdoor shoots will be much colder, you have to decide how much you are prepared to freeze your butt off. Finding an empty hillside, even coming back here, they are all doable. It will be your body that will be freezing.”

“Let me think about it. Will we do a studio shoot before the end of the year?”

“Sure, we haven’t done any cheesy Christmas shoots yet. Maybe see if you can find red stockings, and I will look for a big Santa hat for you, one that will sit on your hair. Something like that?”

“As you say, it will be cheesy but it will also be fun.”

When they were back in the car Maggie dressed in jeans and a jumper for when she returned home, the dress, bikini and boots stowed away in her bag. Andrew dropped her off a couple of blocks from her home, the home she still shared with her parents and her brother. She didn’t want the neighbours to see Andrew and for questions to be asked. But Maggie did kiss him very soundly before hopping out of the car. Andrew drove home smiling, looking forward to several days in the darkroom printing out both June and Maggie’s shoots.

There was two weeks of school left until the October break, with the camping trip set for the first four days of the break. Andrew had arranged to borrow two CCF two-man tents and was paired up with Robert Ogilvie. Bob was a decent bloke, and like the other two on the trip, was not a member of the CCF. Andrew would not have had to do this trip if he had gone on the regular CCF camp last June. The trade-off was that he had completed the five day residential training requirement which was usually the last, and toughest to organise, task on people’s list. The four of them met at lunchtime once a week to make sure that everything was planned and organised.

“How are we going to deal with the two teachers? They are keeping an eye on the Silver guys but do we have to do everything with them?”

This was Paddy Cewent, who together with Neil Irons, made up the group.

“We are at the same campsite, and they have tours organised at the three locations. I think we buddy up with them each morning until we are at the location for the day and then we do our own thing. Make our own way back to the campsite, cook for ourselves, and give ourselves the option of hanging out with them, or not.”

Neil’s plan seemed sensible.

“As long as we do good notes for Travis and find something to keep us busy on Tuesday then we should be fine. I don’t think the teachers are going to try to keep us together. The whole point is personal development. They are on the trip to stop us all fucking at night at the campsite.”

They all laughed but it was true enough. Finding private alone time was proving to be a challenge. Other than the carpark out at the Science Park it was impossible for Andrew to find somewhere to be alone. He had taken Suzanne out there once but she had gotten scared by the possibility of getting caught and so they were back to being flirty but platonic. It was killing them. Still October rolled round and in the two weeks before the break a lot of things started to fall into place. Andrew was approved for his Physics project which finally allowed him to make a belated start on that. He had done some preliminary work but it had stalled until he knew whether it would be approved or not. Mhairi and Leslie were now dealing with Siemens and had a partial deal. The upfront money was agreed and they were now finalising the royalty amount for the additional sales after the purchase. It was inching towards the finish line.

Andrew’s relationship with Leslie was growing and changing. She had mothered him a lot in his mid-teens but now she was raising her expectations of him. They still talked two or three times a week and that year, once the deal started to take shape, she finally talked about herself more. She was at the same stage of her university education as Ara, into her third year now. Her career started to loom large on the horizon. One Sunday night they were talking in her room as normal.

“I want to talk to you about life after university. I will be done in the summer of ‘84 and I have been thinking about what I am going to do with my life. I was thinking about running the Trust when I graduate. At the moment it is almost dormant but it could have £7m in it by the end of the year, with more money to come. It feels right that I should manage the trust set up to honour my sister’s memory but I wanted to get your thoughts about it, as well as Julian’s.”

Thinking back on it Andrew’s memory was clear and vivid. It was not a karmic moment per se but it had that vibe about it. As soon as the words were out of her mouth they felt right, it was the thing for Leslie to do with her life. Andrew struggled to express himself clearly when he tried to tell her that he thought it was a great idea but she got the point. Once he had calmed down Leslie was as usual all practical.

“I will talk with Dad about how it should be run. The three of us are Trustees and we need some guidance as to how to run a medical research trust. There will be the funding side, investing money, managing the investments to produce a return that hopefully grows the fund. It will be simpler than the research side. How do we get research proposals? How do we evaluate them? Both to decide whether to fund or not, but also as to how effective the research was. We will need some hand holding as we learn all that. I want to keep the overhead as low as possible, we cannot fund a huge bureaucracy.”

Andrew raised one final point.

“We also have to look closely at what other organisations are doing. There is no point in duplicative effort. Maybe we focus on under-researched areas, or rarer cancers. I want to add to the fight not just duplicate something already being done.”

They could see the evaluation part of the trust being the key challenge they would have to overcome, they needed scientific or medical research advice and support. Still they had time to learn and could spend 1983 figuring some of it out. At the end of the night Andrew hugged Leslie tight.

“That was a great idea Leslie. I would not trust anyone else to cherish Faith’s memory. All this time working on the plan, on my goals and it never once occurred to me what would happen if we were successful. I was so worried and focused on being successful that I never thought about how to manage that success.”

Andrew and Ara went out every Friday night after swimming. It was always the same pattern, varied only by different restaurants. Andrew was walking to the Pool on the Friday before the October break, he would be off on the expedition in the morning and was in an introspective mood, just for a change! He and Ara had quickly slipped into a routine together, swimming and dinner on a Friday night. Andrew brought the car into the city on Fridays now and so they were able to try different restaurants. What he was thinking about as he walked to the Pool was how quiet he was, maybe Hannah was right, was he boring? Andrew had an occasional beer or a glass of wine but was not much of a drinker. Half the year seemed to be in the pub on a Friday night and the tales on Monday mornings were full of drunken escapades. Andrew was now out every Friday and Saturday night but it was dinner and talking, going for a walk, seeing a movie. Was it enough? He was not sure why he suddenly felt so insecure. Other than June once a month or so he was not getting laid and could not figure out if that was part of it. It felt like he had nothing to be concerned about, everything in his life was going well but was he an interesting person? Part of it was Andrew’s core personality, he was shy and introverted and however much he worked on being more confident and outgoing, they were hard wired into his DNA and there was nothing he could or wanted to do about it. In small groups he was fine but as the group got larger the quieter Andrew got. He asked Ara about it that night.

“Would you like to do something more exciting on a Friday night?”

“What do you mean, more exciting?”

“I am concerned that I am dull and that you would prefer to do something more exciting, that’s all.”

“That is an odd thing to say Andrew. Actually, I find our Friday nights to be relaxing and fun. Since I was so young when I started here I never really got into the drinking culture. I enjoy the fact that we can have fun without having to drink. Are you not having fun?”

“I am, but I have been thinking about what my peers are up to, and I worry that I am this quiet, geeky guy who isn’t very interesting.”

“I don’t mean this the way it is going to sound, but it is good to see you being a normal, insecure teenager. You have this disciplined and controlled life and you always seem to be so confident and sure about things. It is nice to see that you are not perfect. I don’t mean it in the sense that I am happy that you are worried about being dull, I mean it in the sense that you are just human. There are times when I wonder.”

She smiled at the end.

“Normal teenage insecurities eh?”

“Yes. We all want what we don’t have. You talked last year about the person you were before the cancer, immature and trying to fit in. It sounds like this is a residual of that. Yet you are out every Friday and Saturday night with different women. You have a group of very close friends with a variety of backgrounds and you are the smartest guy at a school stuffed full of smart people.”

When Ara put it like that she did have a point. Maybe it was nothing more than teenage hormones. By the end of the camping trip Andrew was positive it was a phase of life they were all going through. The trip went well with no drama, the teachers supervising the Silver group left them to their own devices. The four of them tagged along with the larger group in the morning but otherwise kept to themselves. It was the chats in the evening around the campfire that were interesting to Andrew. Bob, Paddy and Neil all had the same concerns as he did just from a different perspective.

“How come you are so relaxed around the women at the school Andrew?”

It was Bob who started the conversation.

“It goes back to before they admitted females to the school. You remember I had cancer and was off for two terms in 2^nd year?”

There were various furrowed brows and an ‘oh yeah’ but it was clear that it was ancient history.

“While I was off doing my rehabilitation I met a woman who became like a big sister to me. She had finished secondary school but it was all still fresh in her mind. She had dealt with teenage boys for years and so took it upon herself to tell me what life was like as a teenage girl. One of the things I always remember is when she talked about what it would be like for the girls on the first day. You remember what it was like. We had 10 girls in the whole year, split five and five. There were what, 130 of us, something like that. It must have been like walking into the Coliseum with the lions waiting for you. My friend Leslie explained this to me that summer and so when they turned up on the first day I said hi to them. Kate was next to me in Chemistry, Hannah in English, Allie in Music, it just grew from there. Was I that odd?”