Only God Can Make a Tree
by Mat Twassel
Copyright© 2023 by Mat Twassel
Flash Sex Story: Lydia meets a real loser. Illustrated.
Caution: This Flash Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Fiction Masturbation Illustrated .
If only I were a dog I could have gone with—not that I’d ever want to be a dog. She could have taken me along anyway—I would have been good. As it is I had to wait at home, worrying. And apparently I was right to worry. She came in obviously depressed. She yanked off her clothes and yanked the covers off the bed and buried her head beneath the pillows.
Later she stirred enough to answer her phone. It was her sister.
Sister: How’d it go?
Lydia: Don’t ask.
Sister: That bad?
Lydia: Worse.
Sister: I’m so sorry. What happened?
Lydia: I don’t want to talk about it.
Sister: You’d didn’t get...? He didn’t...?
Lydia: A word of advice. Don’t ever date a poet.
Sister: Oh?
Lydia: Yeah. Like we were going for a walk. And the path was filled with fallen pollen. Fallen pollen. That’s kind of poetic, don’t you think?
Sister: Fallen pollen. I guess.
Lydia: Anyway, I said something about the pines are really weeping this time of year. And he said, “Fucking trees.” I thought maybe he was talking about actual sex. Tree sex. He wasn’t. He said, “My man Rush says the only worthwhile things about trees are what you can make out of them after you chop them down.” Something like that.
Sister: Jeepers.
Lydia: I should have said goodbye right then.
Sister: What happened.
Lydia: He went on and on about how the pollen was such a nuisance. I said, “Well, don’t you ever write poems about trees?” He said, “Fuck no. Too many already been written. I’d rather write about a toaster oven.” So we walked on a ways, and I wasn’t holding his hand any more. He said, “You like trees?” I told him I did. I told him one interesting thing about pine is it’s both a noun and verb.
Sister: Hey that’s right.
Lydia: I don’t know what made me think of it. I mused whether there were any other trees like that.
Sister: Like what? Oh, like both a noun and a verb. Are there? Did he know any?
Lydia: He gave me a funny look. I said, “Tree itself is both a noun and a verb. So is bark.” He scoffed. I added other tree words to the list. Flower. Blossom, root, stem, seed. He said, “Yeah, but those are just parts of trees, not the name of a tree.” I said, “I guess I’m stumped then.” I expected him to laugh. I don’t think he even got it.
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