Embrace Who You Are

Sam guided me to the stairs leading to the berthing deck. We walked hand-in-hand down the short, narrow hall to her cabin, where she pulled me inside and quickly shut the door. The last vestiges of sunset streaming through the narrow portholes painted her room in warm, sultry hues. She came around to stand at the foot of her bed with her legs together and her hands clasped behind her back.

“So, welcome to my room,” she said, looking around. “Sorry about the mess.”

What looked to be her entire wardrobe lay strewn across the floor, along with several used towels from the ensuite bath. Empty bottles, cans, dirty dishes, and plastic food wrappers littered most of the flat surfaces. I wouldn’t have guessed her to be such a slob. She always seemed to have her shit together, and paid close attention to all the little details the other girls seemed to miss. In some ways, the mess in her room stood at odds with what I knew about her character.

“It’s your room,” I said. “Besides, I don’t mind. I kind of like it when it’s dirty.”

She exhaled a little snort. “Yeah, me too. The dirtier, the better.”

We shared an awkward silence, each waiting for the other to make the first move. Sam seemed hesitant and anxious, rocking back and forth on her heels, and looking anywhere but at me, which again surprised me given how forthright she’d been on the beach club that morning. I’m going to break your fucking cock off, she’d said.

“Nervous?” I asked.

Her gaze wandered back in my direction. “Hm?”

“You seem nervous.”

She must have noticed how fidgety she was being and stopped rocking. “No. Well, maybe a little.”

“Why?”

She shrugged.

I affected a benign countenance. “You don’t have to be nervous, Sam. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you.”

“I know that.”

“Okay. So tell me what you want.”

“You know what I want.”

I smiled. “Then why don’t you just say it?”

It was fascinating to watch such a wide range of emotions flit across her pretty face, like moths before a lamp. Trepidation, desire, fear, excitement. There were other emotions too, but I couldn’t discern them all. What I did see, however, was that she was building herself up to do or say something. If she’d had a book in her hand, I imagined she’d have been riffling the pages right about now.

“Look, I really want to fuck you, BD. I do.”

“I want that too, Sam.”

My quick response did nothing to ease her anxiety. In fact, it only served to fuel it. Her breaths came faster, flaring her nostrils, and I noticed her eyes move repeatedly to the door. A fight or flight response.

“But...,” I said, opening the door for her to say whatever else was on her mind.

“But I’m not like Ronky. Or Julia. Or any of those other girls.”

I’m not like those other girls. Did she really just say that? Oh dear lord. I almost rolled my eyes and laughed, but I managed to keep both condescending expressions under control. My lips, however, crept up of their own accord.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked.

She began slowly, but the words quickly accelerated, until they spewed from her mouth in a glurge. “Those things I said to you the other day ... and pulling my shorts down like that. That wasn’t me. I mean, of course it was me. I was just kind of ... you know, you were sitting there, and I’d been watching you all night, and I couldn’t get those images out of my mind, and I kept thinking about it all morning, and every time I did, I had to run back in here to masturbate, because I was so fucking turned on by what I saw, and I wanted that for myself. I wanted to feel that, but...” Her voice trailed off.

“Are you embarrassed by that, or something?”

She wore a pained expression. “I’m not a slut, BD. Okay? I need you to understand that about me. Maybe those other girls are, but not me.” Despite my attempts to suppress it, she read the look on my face, and turned her head away, scoffing. “See, I knew it.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle this time. “Knew what?”

She turned back to me, her face red, even in the failing light. “I know what you think of us, okay? A boat full of horny nympho sluts, who you plan to fuck on your little pleasure island for a few months, before dropping us back home to our parents when you’re done with us.”

I held up my hands, imploring her to calm down. “Hey, Sam. Come on.”

“No, you come on! I heard what you said. You called us promiscuous. Hypersexual. Deviants. You even wrote it into your dumb contracts. And don’t give me that line about all of this being for us. We both know that’s bullshit. We might have chosen to stay, but you manipulated everyone to get us onto this boat in the first place. ‘All I did was put the right people in the right place at the right time,’” she said, doing a passable impression of me. “Remember saying that?”

I put down my hands and took a deep breath. “Yes. Of course I remember.”

She nodded in a huff, as if that admission somehow proved whatever point she’d been trying to make. She moved closer, to stand directly in front of me. “Maybe those other girls really are sluts. I don’t know. And maybe they don’t mind being thought of and treated that way, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about them, alright? I mean, I care about them as people. They seem nice enough. Well, maybe not Bianca. I think there might be something wrong with her, but the others are okay.” She shook her head. “That’s not my point. My point is, you can be that way with them all you want, but not with me. I’m not someone you can just use, and then toss aside whenever you decide you’re done with me.”

She stared into my eyes, as if anticipating a rebuttal, but I said nothing. “And I won’t let you disrespect me either,” she added.

When it seemed she had no more to add, I asked, “Are you done?”

“Fuck you. Don’t dismiss me like that. I hate that.”

I sighed. “Fine. What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to say that you understand and agree. I want you to say that whatever happens between us, it’s going to be nice and fun, and you’re not just going to use me, and then throw me away.”

“You’re not asking me to be your boyfriend or something, are you?”

She jerked her head back. “What? Oh, god no! I don’t want a boyfriend, are you kidding? I just want to be treated with some goddammed fucking respect. Is that too much to ask of you?”

“Of course not. Sam, I honestly don’t know where any of this is coming from.”

She eyed me critically, her chest heaving up and down. “Look, BD, you know the kind of sex I like.”

“Sure. You prefer anal.”

She closed her eyes for a second. “No. I don’t just prefer it. I crave it. It’s the only kind of sex I want, and I want it all the time. More than I probably should, and that’s not easy for a girl like me to admit. Most guys, when they find out, end up treating me like shit. They think it gives them a free pass to do all kinds of fucked up shit to me, and that I won’t care. They think that just because someone takes it up the ass, they must not have any self-respect, but I do! And I shouldn’t be treated any differently just because I like what I like. You get what I’m saying?”

As she spoke, I silently nodded. After five excruciating interview sessions with Sam, we’d never delved this deeply into her psyche. She had erected a stone wall around herself from the very beginning, and it was only after another girl’s parents got cold feet at the last minute that I decided to move forward with Sam as an alternate, despite not knowing as much about her as I should have. Like Bianca, Sam had been a wildcard. Unlike Bianca, I never once regretted having her aboard.

“Yeah, Sam. I get what you’re saying.”

“Do you?” She wanted to believe me. I could see it in her eyes. The way they moved back and forth between mine, searching for any hint of duplicity or disingenuity.

“Sam, no matter how many time you ask me to fuck the shit out of your perfect ass, I will always respect you in the morning. I’ll even administer your enemas if that’s what you want.”

Her lips turned up. “That’s not the worst suggestion I’ve ever heard. We can talk about that one later.” She clapped me on the arm. “Good talk. I think this is going to be an amazing four months. I’m really looking forward to it.” She put her hands back behind her back. “A lot.”

“Good.” I went to her bed and pulled the covers back. “In that case, why don’t you go ahead and take off those shorts,” I said as I undid two latches under the mattress. Twin pistons lifted the top of the bed frame, revealing a storage locker underneath.

“Ohhh. Like, literally under the bed,” she said as she hooked her thumbs under the waistband of her tight shorts and slowly peeled them over her wide hips and full ass, pushing them to her ankles. “And here I was, looking through the drawers like an idiot.” She stepped out of her skimpy shorts and kicked them aside, then stood with her feet shoulder-width apart, scratching her mons and combing her fingers through her thick, fiery bush.

I flicked on a beside lamp. “Come check it out.”

She approached and peered into the shallow compartment. “Well, fuck me sideways. I wished I knew all of this was here.”

“You want to start with one of these?”

Sam leaned over the side and rummaged through the collection of sex toys. “Ooh! Here, why don’t you start with this guy while I shop around for something else.”

She handed me a seven-inch black dildo with a wooden handle at the base, and then reached back inside for a large pump bottle of anal lube.

“Would you like this in your ass?” I asked. She glared at me over her shoulder and I laughed. “Just checking.”

She continued browsing while I prepared the dildo, greasing it up with a generous amount of the thick, clear gel. “Spread your ass,” I said.

Sam reached back with one hand to pull her butt cheek to the side. I squirted a generous glob of lube onto my fingertips and rubbed them against her puffy brown bud. She lifted her knee up and rested it on the edge of the bed frame, which not only spread her pussy, but also gave me easier access to her asshole. I zeroed in on the center of her perfectly formed anus and pushed against it. Her asshole gave way, and my finger slid all the way inside. She breathed out sharply at the sudden intrusion.

“Oh, it’s cold!”

“Sorry.” I worked my finger in and out of her asshole several times, then added a second, twisting them around to coat her sphincter and anal cavity. She hummed softly when I pulled them out. With a hand on her back, I pressed the head of the dildo against her beautiful, puckered anus, applying increasing pressure until it gave way, slowly distending to accommodate the silicon cock. Sam flexed, then relaxed her sphincter and her asshole opened, swallowing the head of the dildo.

“Oh man, that’s nice,” she breathed, and her rummaging slowed.

Applying firm even pressure, I pushed the dildo forward. Her asshole took the entire length easily, devouring all seven inches until just the flange and wooden handle remained outside. She groaned when the black phallus disappeared into her rectum, and her expanding diaphragm lifted her body as her breathing intensified. I extracted the dildo, and her anus slowly collapsed as the tip came out.

“Fuck...” she whispered.

I pressed the dildo against her asshole again and pushed forward, fascinated by the dexterity of her sphincter muscle. It distended fluidly, and she seemed to almost suck the dildo inside. I worked it in and out of her ass with slow, rhythmic thrusts, occasionally pulling it out all the way, allowing her asshole to close, then re-inserting it and pushing it all the way inside again. Whenever I pulled it out, she responded with a soft noise that expressed her pleasure.

“Yeah, that’s really good. I like that,” she muttered.