Chapter 7: The Thief of Kings

ONCE UPON A TIME at the birth of the nations, there was a man who would be King. It might surprise you to know that there was nothing special about him. He wasn’t born a king, nor was he of royal lineage. In fact, there was nothing about him that would distinguish him from anyone else you might have met at that time. He was completely ordinary.

His one defining characteristic was his fierce love of land. Not “the” land as in a particular country. Just land. He loved land. In fact, the area where he lived was much too crowded for him, so he packed up his meager possessions and moved away.

Far away.

He walked past the last farmhouse and continued on until he met no more people. When he had met no people while traveling for three days, he walked on another three days, just to be sure. At last, he began to look for a place to live. The place had to be rich in wild game and fertile soil. It had to have ready materials for building his shelter. It had to be high where he could see the terrain and defend it if that became necessary. You see, in all these things, he thought like a king.

Finally, he came to a high hill, clear on the side that faced out looking over a vast sea, and bordered on the other by a dense forest. All around him he saw fertile fields and plentiful game. There was wood and stone to build with and he was pleased. As he stood at the top of that hill, he looked all around him and shouted out at the top of his lungs, “I claim this land as my own! I am King of All I survey!” He took an axe and cut a tall sapling, stripping it and driving it into the ground at the center of the hill. To the sapling he tied an old shirt and proudly declared it the Kingdom of Allisurvey. Then he set to work.

One thing you must say for this young king was that he was industrious. In one summer, he built a strong shelter atop the hill, he planted crops, he set traps and fishing lines. He was certain it would be a long cold winter and was determined to be ready for it.

The winter came and he was snug in his house with plenty of food and a warm fire. He busied himself with tasks that could be done in the cold weather, like tanning skins and sewing clothing. And in the spring, he began again to plant and hunt and fish and build. It was not long before he had shelter enough for a family and perhaps even a friend. So, he decided to return to the town he had come from and entice a bride and perhaps a friend to return to his kingdom.

But before he left, he decided to fully survey the Kingdom of Allisurvey. He walked the perimeter of his lands as far away as he could get and still see the shirt flag that now flew from a pole atop his house. At this point he drove a stake into the ground and hung a small scrap of hide. And so he went, all the way around his land.

When he was satisfied, he reckoned that he had time for a journey to and from his former home to collect his bride and friend.

It was not a difficult journey, but it was difficult convincing anyone to join him in his new kingdom. And this was when he showed his true colors. Unable to woo a bride, he determined to steal one. He traded for the few supplies he felt he would need, and in the middle of the night, in the middle of the town square, the King of Allisurvey declared war on the town.

He stole into a home where he had seen a woman he desired enter, tied her up in her sleep, emptied her wardrobe and larder, loaded all he could carry into his cart, and left town. As he left the town behind, he turned to look back at it and announced, “I accept your surrender.”

Now you might think that a stolen bride is as good as no bride at all, but the thief King kept her bound to the wagon until he reached his homestead, by which time the poor girl was so lost, she dared not run away. He became progressively more kind to her and if she did not grow to love him, she grew to accept her fate and tolerate him.