Chapter 2: Version 2 - 2000

As excited as I was to think about using the condoms that night or over the weekend, well it just did not happen. When Lennie came back from the gas station bathroom, she had a worried look on her face. I asked her what was the matter, but she just seemed to be far away and hardly paid any attention to me. I drove home in silence, when we got there Lennie hurried off to bed, not even giving me a hug.

The rest of the weekend we just stayed away from each other. She spent the biggest part of the time in her room. I hinted about "doing it" a couple of times, but she just looked at me like I was an alien from a foreign planet. She never took the hints and was as quite as a mouse the rest of the time we had the house to ourselves.

Mom and Dad came home from the funeral right on schedule and things pretty much returned to our normal farm family life. Getting up early, feeding the stock, making sure everything was in order and then off to school and life in the outside world.

We rode the school bus to school everyday, she sat with her friends, I sat with mine. We were both pretty shaky about it, at least that is the way I think about it now.

Even though I could not get my mind off what had happened, we just never seemed to have a chance to talk about it. She just went about life like nothing had happened.

The package of condoms I bought, well I had them hidden in my hidey hole and looked at them everyday. It was like I just had to make sure that Lennie and I had actually done what I could not get off my mind. It was almost a dream.

One night, about 2 weeks after the drive-in, I was in my room, homework was a big thing to our parents and they made us do it. Bad grades were not something they took very quietly. Making all A's seemed to be the only thing that truly made them happy. Sure a B was not to bad, but a C, well that was grounds for being restricted to your room. Anyway, I was at the books and just had not realized how much time had passed. I figured everyone else in the house was getting ready for bed.

Lennie picked that moment to come into my room and say, "Hey, Big Brother, want to talk to wifey?"

The words just about caused me to have a coronary, I got scared as shit and must have looked it too, because Lennie just about fell down laughing.

"Lennie, you can not talk that way, Mom or Dad might hear you!"

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I just finished my period!", and with those words she started to walk out.

I said, "Hey, Lennie wait a second."

She stopped and looked back at me.

I asked her, "What's up? I mean now your talking to me about... well, about what we did. But for the past couple of weeks you been so quite I thought something was really wrong. I was concerned that I did something super wrong. I been so worried lately, God it has been keeping me awake at night!"

She said, "Well, I got scared and was afraid that I might get pregnant, I was all worried that we might do something that we would both regret for the rest of our lives.

I looked at her and could tell that she was just being safe with herself and then I said, "I need to tell you that I bought condoms at the gas station that night. I thought about that, your getting,... um, you know. I ain't stupid you know. I bought them to keep us safe. I mean you pregnant, I could just imagine what would happen to you and us if the folks found out and if you got pregnant, we'd have to tell them"

She laughed again, and said, "Well, I thought about it too but you never said anything about condoms, so I thought you didn't think about it. Why didn't you tell me that night? I thought you were just like all the other guys, do it and then just make out like it was all MY FAULT!"

I looked at Lennie and said, "You know I am not like other guys, heck I am... your BROTHER!"

She laughed then and said, "Yeah, I remember, but I was still worried, I am getting to know you,... in a different way, I guess."

I got scared then that mom and dad might over hear us and I said, "Where are Mom and Dad?"

"I came up when they decided to go do some work on the computer, they are in the office."

The office was way up in the front of the house, just about as far away as they could get from where we were in my room. I felt a little better about talking to her, at least I did not have to worry about them hearing us.

Now she had that smile on her face again, the one that said, "Hey, want to play house."

The next thing she said was a shock, She said, "Ok, so when are we going to the movies again?"

I stuttered and stammered for a second, but managed to say, "You sure we should be talking about this?"

With a look of total defiance on her face she said, "You damn right, I loved it that night and I want to do it again and MORE!"

I was still scared by what she had told me before and not at all convinced that we should be talking about the subject.

She must have seen the internal workings of my mind because she said, "Now look, I need to talk to you about this, but now is not a good time. If we can get out of the house tomorrow or the next day, I will tell you everything I need to, we just can not take a chance on the folks finding out about US!"

I was scared again and said, "Lennie, there can be no US, we can not do that again, we have too much to worry about."

She laughed like I was a fool and said, "Well, you just make sure and talk to me tomorrow!" With that she left the room, I was worried again and afraid to say anything as she walked out.

I was in a total quandary over what to do. My homework just sat there on my desk, even though I was looking at the books in front of me, nothing seemed to register. I was worried and nothing was going to distract my mind from what I had to face. Finally I could not take just sitting there any more and was just about to go march into Lennie's room when I heard my parents outside my room.

Dad looked through the door at me. He must have realized that something was wrong because he came in the room and said, "Hey buddy, you look like you got problems, anything I can do?"

I said, "Probably not, I got a big test tomorrow... I think I am ready for it, but I am a little worried. It is an important one, if I do well on it I might get a break on taking the finals next month."

He said, "You'll do fine."

I said, "I hope so, but I sure need to study some more and my concentration is not good right now."

He said, "Hang in there and don't over do it. You should get some rest and let the mind do the work."

I said, "OK, but I don't think I can sleep."

He laughed and said, "It is great to have to such wonderful kids, you both make your Mom and I very proud."

I could think of nothing but what Lennie had just said to me and the thought that ran through my mind was, "Yeah, well if you knew what we were talking about a little while ago, you would not be saying that."

I sat there real quiet, he must of thought that I was thinking about the books, and said, "OK, just study all you want too, I am going to bed."

I said, "Thanks Dad, I'll study for awhile longer and then turn out the lights. First I think I will get a coke and get back to the books."

As he left my room, he said, "Go get-um Big Guy!"

I laughed and felt some of the tension go away.

I got a coke and sat back down at my desk. I sat there for a few minutes, drinking my coke and wondering about what Lennie wanted to talk about. I was almost finished with my coke and it was clear to me that I was not going to study, I didn't even need to but my mind was running about 100 miles per hour. I finally stood up and began to undress, thinking that I would just crawl under the covers and hide.

I got into bed and turned on my bed lamp and just laid there thinking, then something else began to creep into my mind, sex, sex, sex, sex!

I could not help but think about that night at the drive-in, wow, it was something. The more I thought about it, the more excited I got. My penis knew it too, because it was hard as stone. I put my hand inside my underwear and the feelings of pleasure were so strong I almost had a climax. But then I started thinking about Lennie and what she wanted to talk about. I thought to myself, "well at least the first time was good, lets see where things go from here."

I reached over turned out the light and tried to relax. I must have been a lot more tired than I thought because I went right to sleep. I slept like a rock, I don't think I moved all night long. The next thing I knew the alarm was going off and it was time to get a new day going.

The morning routine was a breeze, nothing seemed to bother me. Everything just seemed to go like clock work. The chores seemed to calm me down and I got everything done in record time and hurried back to the house to get ready for school.

I got my clothes changed and hurried out to meet Lennie for the long walk out to the road to catch the bus. On the walk out to the road Lennie said, "So we going to try to get away for a couple hours tonight?"

I said, "Sure, what we going to tell the folks?"

She said, "We can tell them we have been invited over to Lauren's house."

I said, "What happens if they call over there?"

She said, "Well, let me talk to Lauren today, we can really go over there if you want to. Lauren has been asking me to get you to call her, why don't we go over and see her?"

I laughed and said, "Sounds good to me."

Lennie laughed a kind of funny way and said, "Well it will be good for me too!"

I must of looked curious at what she said, because she laughed again and said, "I'll tell you more tonight."

The bus was already coming up the road, so I did not press her for any details.

We made it to school, but it was a much longer day than I remember day's at school being. I guess it was all the stuff concerning Lennie on my mind. I never see Lennie at school, our classes are far apart and we take different hallways to get to them, so I did not see her until time to catch the bus home.

When we got off the bus at home, on the walk from the road to the house Lennie said, "OK, Lauren has invited us over to their house but we sort of got a problem."

I said, "What's up?"

Lennie said, "The problem is her brother, Graham, he will be there and Lauren is concerned about what he will say to you."

I kind of looked at Lennie in a curious way and she said, "OK, I will tell you part of what I was going to tell you later tonight. Lauren and I have been friends since 5th grade, remember she and I were in Mrs. Lawson's class together? We been best friends ever since."

I said, "Sure I remember all that."

She said, "Well we have been a lot more than just friends."

I did not understand what she was saying, at least not at first, and she must have realized it, because she said, "We have been doing it, you know."

I was shocked for a second, then said, "You mean, having sex?"

She laughed and said, "Yes, God... do I have to draw you a picture."

"Lennie, I am not all that experienced, you know that. I have never had a girlfriend and I have never done it with anyone, but... you."

She laughed at that and said, "OK, I guess I can understand that."

She continued, saying, "Remember how I used to go over to her house and spend the night? Anyway, when we were 7th graders, we were playing with her dolls and she and I just wanted to look at each other, our bodies, you know and we did. Pretty soon we were playing a lot more with each other than with the dolls. It was not having sex to us, at least it was not to us. We just wanted to know about each other and ourselves. I would look at her and describe things for her and she would look at me and describe things. Just learning about ourselves."

I said, "OK, I can understand that, heck I been a little curious about myself too."

She laughed at that and then continued, "One day at Lauren's we got caught. Her brother, Graham, came into the room, we had our panties off, but we both still had our dresses on. Anyway, he caught us looking at each other."

I interrupted her and asked, "Lennie, did he do anything to you?"

She laughed and said, "No way, he scared me pretty bad, threatened to tell Lauren's mom, but he did not do anything to me."

With that Lennie got real quite and she had a really concerned look on her face.

I did not think she was going to say anything more, but then she said, "But he did it to Lauren."

I completely stopped walking when she said that and I must of looked real concerned, because Lennie stopped and looked at me and said, "Don't worry about it, it only happened once and then we figured out how to keep it from happening again."

We were standing on the road leading up to the house, Lennie looked at me, I must have still looked worried because she said, "I will tell you the whole story when we go over to Lauren's but we got to get out of here before I can."

I said, "OK, lets get to the house, we can tell mom we're going over there for awhile."

When we got to the house, Lennie went right up and told Mom that we had been invited over to Lauren's and asked if was ok that she and I would go over there for a little while.

Mom said it was Ok but that I needed to check with dad and let him know so that he could do the extra stuff that I normally did. I was standing there and said, "I'll run out and tell him" Mom said, "Fine"

Lennie looked at me and said, "I am going to put on my jeans, I'll be ready when you are."

I just shook my head and hurried out of the house to find dad. I found him in the big implement shed, he was working on one of the tractors. He said, "Glad your home, need some help." I said, "Hey, I did great on the test today, no final for me." He laughed and said, "Yeah, well I knew you'd do great, but that is good that you don't have to take the final. Hand me that wrench, will ya?"

I grabbed the tool he wanted and gave it to him. I then said, "Dad... Lennie and I have been invited over to Lauren's, Mom said we could go if I could get you to do my work tonight."

He smiled and said, "Sure, I can do it."

He looked at me real serious and said, "Be a gentleman, I like Lauren, she is a fine young lady." He had that twinkle in his eye that said he understood a lot more than I was telling him.

I was kind of embarrassed by his statement and he laughed and said, "Heck, I think it is about time you got a girlfriend and Lauren is quite a catch."

I laughed and said, "I don't think it is that."

He laughed and said, "Yeah, we'll see about that. I was slow to get the message about girls too you know. Your Aunt Steph, she had to work me over real hard to get me to ask your mom out."

I was real uncomfortable with what he was telling me and he could see it and kind of chuckled.

I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could and quickly said, "I guess I better go" and turned to leave.

He said, "Hey, take the car, I will need the pickup to haul the feed in."

I said, "Thanks Dad, see ya after while."

As I walked away, he said, "You call us if you are going to be late!"

I said, "Sure thing, but we will probably be back pretty soon."

He laughed and said, "I bet your not home as soon as you think!"

I laughed and headed back to the house.

When I got inside, Lennie was ready to go. I looked at her and said, "Let me change into my jeans too, won't take but a second." She said, "OK, I'll be here."

I hurried, in record time I had my clothes changed. When I got back to Lennie I said, "Dad wants us to take the car, I'll get the keys."

I stopped in the kitchen and told mom we were taking the car, she said, "Good, you two have a nice time and have a burger in town, I will not cook for you tonight."

I said, "Good idea, Dad said for us to call if we were going to be late."

Mom said, "Fine, just be careful on the highway."

Lennie and I hurried out of the house to the shed where we parked all the farm vehicles. Dad kept the car in the shed too. When we got inside the shed, Lennie said, "Look out the door, can you see anyone?"

I said, "No, what the heck do I need to see if anyone is out there for?"

She said, "I need to get something out of the truck, I thought we were taking it, so I put some stuff in it."

I said, "What the heck did you put in there?"

She laughed and said, "Don't worry, you'll like it, now go see if anyone is outside."

I looked out the door, not a person in sight and I told Lennie that.

She hurried around to the passenger side of the truck and got her gym bag out of behind the seat.

I was worried that she had put stuff in the truck and said, "Lennie what would have happened if Dad had found that?"

She giggled and said, "Stop worrying, I put a bunch of stuff in the bag that Dad would never look at, clean undies, things like that. He never looks in my bag, he knows girls keep things that men are not supposed to meddle in."

I said, "Well I guess I am just really over cautious about this whole thing, maybe I need to lighten up a little."

She laughed at me.

The family car is a big old land yacht of a station wagon. It is a pretty old car but we don't drive it much, most of what we do requires the trucks and the old car is in great shape. It still looks new and drives like it too. Lennie threw her bag into the back seat as I climbed under the wheel.

As we pulled out of the shed, Lennie said, "We are not supposed to be at Lauren's for an hour. I need to talk to you and you need to be able to listen, so we need to go somewhere where we can be in private. Got any ideas?"

I said, "We could go get a burger?"

She said, "I think we need to be more private than that."

I was thinking where we might go, when Lennie said, "Can we go over to the lease place, you know there is a barn over there where we could put the car inside?"

I thought about it for a second. The lease place is some farm land that Dad leases from an old lady in town. Her husband died a long time ago and rather than sell the place she leases it out. She gets a few extra dollars, above the taxes and Dad always talks about maybe trying to buy the place one of these days. He has hinted that I might want to buy it and build me a place, but I keep him from getting to aggressive about buying by telling him I ain't sure I want to farm, even though I know that I do. Right now there was nothing over there but a big field of cotton and an empty barn. I said, "It would be ok, unless Dad decides to come over there for some reason."

Lennie said, "Well do you think he might come over there?"

I said, "Heck, I don't know, he might, but there is no real reason for him to come over there."

Lennie said, "Well let's go over there then."

The lease place was only a few minutes drive away and it did not take us long to get there. When we got there Lennie hopped out of the car and opened the big door on the barn and I pulled the car inside. The old barn is in pretty good shape, we use it to store hay for the winter, but most of it was empty right now. As she closed the door, it got dark as midnight in the barn. For a second I did not think she would be able to find the car, but I heard her yell, "Open the car door, the dome light will come on."

I felt kind of stupid not thinking of that and opened the door. She was back in the car in a flash. After she got in she said, "Close the door, the light from the radio is enough to see by."

I got the feeling that she had done this before and said, "You act like you've done this before!"

She laughed and said, "Just part of the story."

I said, "Oh, guess there is a lot I don't know."

She said, "Yes, there is a lot I need to tell you" and with that she gave a huge sigh, like she was relieved to be there and leaned back into the seat.

I sat still for a second, wondering what I had let myself in for, wondering what she would say next, my mind was running a mile a minute.

The silence in the car was pretty nerve racking, finally I reached over and turned the radio up enough to hear it. Then I kind of slid down in the seat and threw my head back against the head rest. I also gave a huge sigh and then said, "Well here we are, so what is on your mind?"

Lennie said, "Rickie I don't really want to talk right now, but I do need a smoke."

I looked at her and said, "I didn't know you smoked? I don't think Mom or Dad would approve of your smoking cigarettes!"

She laughed at that and said, "I don't smoke cigarettes, I smoke grass, you know marijuana."

I was really shocked at that and said, "Well, I absolutely know that they would not approve of that, you crazy or something?"

She laughed at me and said, "Just more of the story, but I need some right now, or I'll never get the courage to tell the whole thing."

I said, "Lennie I don't have any grass, I have never had any grass and I don't know where there is any grass!"

She said, "I know where there is some, but I will not smoke any unless you say it is ok with you."

For a second I thought about just telling her that we needed to go home, but then I realized that if I took her home that I would never hear what she had to say and I felt like I needed to listen to my little sister.

I said, "Lennie, if you want to smoke, I guess it is ok with me."

She got really happy then and said, "Oh, Rickie, I just knew that I could be myself with you. She started to open the car door and the light just about blinded me.

I said, "Lennie where the heck you going?"

She said, "I'll be right back, I need to get out for a second." Then almost like she was having second thoughts she said, "Rickie, I will not smoke it if you don't want me to."

I looked at her with tenderness and said, "Lennie, if you think the grass will help you, then go ahead."

Again I could tell that what I said made her feel better and she continued to get out of the car. She looked back inside at me and said, "You have to get out of the car, I can not smoke in the car, Dad would know."

I said, "Ok" and opened the door and climbed out. It was warm in the old barn and dark as night. Lennie left the front door on her side open and then opened the back door. She said, "Let me get my bag out, I got a flash light in it."

She got the bag and after a second of rummaging around brought out a small flash light and turned it on. She then closed the car doors on her side and said, "Close the your door, we don't need the lights any more."

I watched her as she walked around the front of the car, and then at an angle across the nearly empty barn. The yellow halo of the light was illuminating only a circle on the ground. I heard her kind of whisper, "Follow me, there is a place over here where we can set down. Be careful, there are a bunch of old boards that will trip you."

I followed her. She went all the way across the barn to an old feed bin that we had never used. She lifted the lid on the bin and moved a couple of old feed sacks to the side and hauled out what looked like a sleeping bag all rolled up. She then reached back into the bin and brought out a big battery powered lantern, one of those that people take on camping trips.

I said, "Everything we need, wow, you know how to set up things up right."

She laughed and said, "Welcome to Lennie and Lauren's hide out. Just follow me big brother!"

She then turned and walked away, I followed along behind her, stumbling over a board here and there. She said, "I know all the obstacles, you will learn them after a few times out here."

I did not say anything, just followed along. We went almost all the way across the barn, me stumbling along behind and she giggling whenever I made a lot of noise or caught myself to keep from falling down.

Once we got to the other side she said, "I am going to turn on the lantern, it is pretty bright when I do."

I heard the click of the switch and the whole side of the barn was suddenly bright. She was standing next to the door of the old tack room in the corner of the barn, again an area that I had never been in. The room was small and did not take up much space so dad had left it standing, even though once I had heard him say that he was thinking about tearing it out, "give us more room for hay," he'd said.

I asked Lennie, "Why the heck didn't you turn that on over there?" I pointed back at the feed bin.

She said, "Well, we have to be careful and the light can be seen from outside. I know. Once when Lauren got here before me, I could see the light shining through the cracks in the barn. We used to just stay out here in the big barn but the light through the cracks scared us. That is why we moved in here."

She then opened the tack room door. She went in, I was right behind her. Once we were both inside she closed the door.

I scanned the room, they had made them a real cozy little corner out of the place. There was a couple of chairs and small table in the corner, an ice chest, a small coffee table in the center of the room, even the old cot had a clean cover over it. I looked around the place and said, "Nice, you got a pretty nice hide out here."

She laughed and said, "Well, I cleaned it up a little the other day. I thought I would bring you here and wanted to have a good place to sit and talk, or whatever." She giggled when she said that.

She kind slid past me and hung the lantern from a long wire hanging from the ceiling. With the lantern up high, the whole place was lighted well enough to see, not real bright, but kind of a nice easy light.

She looked back at me and said, "Isn't this a nice place?"

I said, "Lennie we can not stay long, Mom might call over to Lauren's and find out we are not there."

Lennie said, "Don't worry about that, Lauren's brother will answer the phone, he is supposed to tell anyone that calls that we have gone to get a coke or something."

I was still worried and said, "But what about Lauren's parents, won't they know?"

She said, "Little worrier aren't you! No, they are working, remember both of her parents work the night shift. Relax, nothing to worry about, honest."

I said, "Ok, guess I am just up tight about this whole thing."

She said, "I used to worry a lot about things too, but believe me, it will be OK. Go over there and get us a coke out of the ice chest, it will be hot, but we can still drink it.

I walked across the room, which really wasn't that small once you got inside and began to get into the ice chest.

Lennie walked over to the cot and put the rolled up sleeping bag on it and began to open it up. She said, "Now for a nice little treat for me." It did not take her but a second and she had all the stuff out and was busy stuffing loose grass into a small corn cob pipe.

I watched her and laughed saying, "Something new everyday, my sister smokes a pipe."

She laughed too and said, "We never could get this stuff to stay in a rolled up piece of paper, so we got a pipe at the drug store and it works great, even better than a joint."

I watched Lennie as she continued to work on the pipe, eventually getting it ready and putting it in her mouth. With a small disposable lighter, she got the pipe to going taking a huge inhales of the smoke into her lungs. She held her breath for a few seconds and then let the smoke escape into the room.

I could see the stress drain from her as the grass started working on her. She sat down on the cot and leaned back against the wall, a dreamy kind of expression on her face. She sucked on the pipe several more times, each time holding the smoke in her lungs for as long as she could hold her breath.

I moved over to one of the chairs at the little table and sat quite as a mouse in the corner, watching my little sister get high. Wondering what it would be like to do the same thing, but just a little bit afraid of what it all meant.

She opened her eyes and smiled at me. I smiled back at her. She did not say a word and I wondered what was going through her mind.

I sat there as long as I could, it seemed to me that there was just way too much happening for me to be able to handle it all.

Finally I said, "Do you think you can talk now?"

She said, "I don't think I want to talk right now, I think I would rather do what we have both been thinking about."

I looked at her and said, "Lennie, I don't know, maybe we should not do this thing."

She looked kind of hurt for a second and then said, "I think you need a couple of hits off this pipe."

I said, "I don't know about that either, I don't think it is a good idea for us both to get stoned."

She laughed and said, "Rickie, it is not as bad as you have been told, honest. A couple of hits, you feel good, a couple more hits you feel great, a couple more hits and your ready for anything. I think you should try it" with that she leaned forward and handed me the pipe.

I just sat there looking at it. It felt real heavy in my hand, almost like it was made out of lead or something.