Chapter 16

I thought about that evening for five days, which led to my next meeting with Dr. Faizal. I had carefully avoided any close contact with Mom, even though it made us both miserable. In spite of all the sexual escapades I had recently enjoyed -- including my brief threesome with Angelica and Marie -- I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Mom had actually come right out and told me she wanted to have sex with me. It was no doubt ironic that I went to Dr. Faizal for advice, but she was the only person I could think of who could give me an intelligent, yet reasonably impartial and scientific opinion.

“I see,” she said, after I had fully explained the situation. “And what exactly is it that you want to do about the situation, Sir?”

I looked at her like she was crazy. “Well, obviously, I want to stop it.”

She was sitting behind her desk with me in the chair in front, and she leaned back as far as she could. Then she raised her eyebrows. “Are you certain that’s what you want?”

I jumped to my feet, my hands spread wide in protest. “Well, I --”

Then I actually thought about it. Was that really what I wanted? I mean, did I really want to fuck my beautiful and loving mother? Sure, I loved her dearly and she was sexy as hell, but did that mean I should take advantage of her vulnerable position to satisfy my teenage lust? Didn’t I already have a very full sex life without tasting the forbidden fruit?

I slumped back down again. “Well, I mean, it’s incest. Right?”

“Yes, Sir, it is,” Dr. Faizal nodded. “But is it the incest you’re worried about, or the inbreeding?”

I squinched so hard I could feel my eyebrows hit the root of my nose. “Aren’t those the same thing?”

“Not necessarily. For example, from what you’ve told me, I doubt that Marie and her mother were naturally incestuous. However, without really analyzing the immediacy of the situation, they knew they did not have to worry about inbreeding, so their inhibitions about incest were probably greatly lowered compared with their mutual desire to please you.”

I almost jumped out of my chair again. I guess I got the distinction she was making, but that didn’t lessen my agitation any. “Well, I mean ... she’s my mother! What if ... well, what if --”

“If she got pregnant?” Dr. Faizal interjected. “But there are many ways to avoid that possibility these days.”

I threw up my hands. “Yeah, but...”

“What if?” she finished for me. She shrugged. “Alright, Sir, let’s discuss avoidance of inbreeding.”

I nodded gratefully. Now I was glad I had described my entire sex life with Dr. Faizal, because otherwise this conversation would have been far too embarrassing. Well, first, it would have been impossible, of course, as her sound advice relied on her thorough knowledge. But, just as importantly, my relationship with Dr. Faizal allowed us to be quite comfortable discussing other women and my past experiences with them.

“Right,” Dr. Faizal said briskly, nodding slightly. “So let’s go back to pheromones. It is well known that mice can distinguish close relatives from distantly related individuals on the basis of scent signals, which enables them to avoid mating with close relatives and minimizes deleterious inbreeding. In addition to mice, two species of bumblebee have been observed to use pheromones as a means of kin recognition to avoid inbreeding. So I suppose I could refresh my knowledge of the exact pheromones and see if you either have anything similar or if we could somehow generate an effective facsimile.”

I held my hands out. “Well, I don’t want something so powerful that it makes her stop loving me. I mean, as her son, of course.”

Dr. Faizal smiled indulgently. “I wouldn’t be too worried about that, Sir. As the Greeks described, there are many different types of love. At least, for humans. Our concepts of love are extremely complicated. I am certain that your mother will not confuse eros with agape or storge.”

In spite of my angst, I was intrigued by these new thoughts. Well, obviously new to me. “Okay, so tell me about those things.”

“Yes, Sir.” As usual, Dr. Faizal nodded in consideration of her thoughts before speaking. “Eros means feelings that derive from natural sexual urges and lusts. Eros is a state of the heart and, while it is intimately related to sex, sex can exist -- and often does -- without Eros enlivening it. Agape is more of a parental, mature, sacrificial kind of love. It is a devoted love that will not let go, so it is usually at some cost to the parent or older person. Agape puts the beloved first and sacrifices pride, self interest, and possessions for the sake of that beloved. Storge is the love of community and family. Often dutiful, sometimes unfeeling, but very strong none the less. It is a natural, carnal love, but powerful enough to be a real hindrance to spiritual growth, especially when family and culture are holding you down. Anyhow, that is what the Greeks believed.”

I rubbed my chin as I thought about that. “Sooo...” I wondered out loud. “You said something about only humans having such different feelings about love from animals. What makes you think that?”

Dr. Faizal actually smiled at my question. “Science. Which includes metacognition.”

This time I frowned. “What’s that?”

“Metacognition? It means the ability to think above normal thinking, to analyze the way you think and even change your way of thinking if you desire to strongly enough. In many ways, humans overthink their feelings because they do have metacognition. Especially, perhaps, about sex.”

“Hunh. You want to explain that?”

“Which, Sir, how we use metacognition, or about sex?”

My face must have contorted in confusion. “Well, I...!”

Then I saw the faintest hint of a smile at her lips.

“Hah! Why, Dr. Faizal, was that humor I just heard from you?”

Her smile grew brighter. “I have been attempting to add it to my personality. Did it work?”

I grinned back at her. “Yeah, a great first try. You need to do more of it.” Then I became serious again. “But, right now, I really do want you to explain meta ... uh, that word.”

“Of course, Sir.” She frowned briefly, and then launched into her explanation. “Because metacognition allows us to analyze our own way of thinking about things and then change our habits and even our attitudes, humans have developed an extremely eclectic set of viewpoints and behaviors. That is not only true about religion and politics, but also about interpersonal behavior. Of course, with humans, one of the strongest forms of interpersonal behaviors has to do with sex.”

While Dr. Faizal talked I stood up and started wandering around the room, including fiddling with the few items on her desk. Although her eyes followed me, she naturally did not say a word about it.

“Are you saying that only humans are all ... well, weird about sex?”

She smiled enigmatically. “Pretty much. It’s my opinion that the ability for metacognition is what really separates humans from the rest of the animals. Although lower order animals use pheromones and displays to attract mates, only around five percent mate for life. Mostly birds, perhaps oddly enough. Also wolves, gibbons, and beavers, as far as we know. However, for most animals, it is just sex for procreation. They have either simple or non-existent mating rituals, then most of them go their separate ways.”

“Humph. So with us it’s more complicated. I can definitely see that.” I stroked my chin. “Why do you think that is?”

Dr. Faizal nodded. “With humans it’s actually much more complicated because of societal strictures on ‘love’ and monogamous marriage, which is at least as psychological as it is physical. Unlike the vast majority of animals, the vast majority of humans feel a need to justify their sexual urges to themselves as much as to others. Perhaps even more so.”

“Such as?”

She spread her hands, as though being compelled to tell me things she didn’t want to say. Nevertheless, she did not disobey.

“Well, such as those women who were attracted to you because of strong sexual desire, although they had no idea their compulsion was greatly enhanced by your unique pheromones.”

“You mean like Angelica, Ingrid, and Alice?”

Her brows furrowed a bit. “I don’t think Alice, no. She’s one of those modern females who are liberated about having sex with the men she’s strongly attracted to. I shouldn’t think that she’s a ‘swinger’, but she doesn’t seem to have a lot of inhibitions, even though I know she thought she was in a serious relationship at one point. However, I do believe that Angelica and Ingrid had to convince themselves that it was not just a sexual attraction to a 15-year-old boy that led them to seduce you. It had to be feelings that were much deeper, more meaningful and permanent, or they would consider themselves to be ‘cougars’, sexual predators. Therefore, they convinced themselves they had an emotional attachment to you. They may even think they’re in love with you.” She shrugged more deeply. “In Angelica’s case, given what you’ve said about her marriage, it may even be true.”