Chapter 62

Andrew did not want to deal with drama at school on Monday. He wanted the entire weekend to be well and truly buried. This was the last week of school and he was never more ready for a two week break from everything, and everyone. When he got to the form room for attendance, Suzanne clearly knew most of what had happened. She all but hugged him as a greeting so he knew right away that Tanvi must have contacted her.

“I am fine Suzanne. Ready for a break from school.”

He smiled wanly. Normally school was his sanctuary. There was no sign of Tanvi or Katie on the walk to Assembly and he deliberately did not look for them while in the Hall. He had five days to survive, he even debated not going to the library at lunchtime. Andrew very rarely brought any Open University books to school, but as there was no homework all he had to study that week was module one of the fifth course of the degree. It would be the same after school. Neither Suzanne nor Moira had anything to study for so he should have peace and quiet. He could make some decent headway on module one. Tanvi was not there at lunchtime but was waiting for him at the end of school. Andrew steeled himself and decided to be blunt.

“I am sorry Tanvi but we will not be going out any more on a Saturday. I think it for the best.”

Rip the plaster right off. Get it dealt with.

“Just like that Andrew. I thought you were a loyal friend and a better person than this.”

“I am a loyal friend Tanvi.”

He looked her in the eye.

“Would you let me talk to you at least?”

“I don’t want to be harsh but why? This comes down to me and your father. He does not like me and I do not like him. Once you get to that, there is no point in us pretending.”

The tears started. It looked like the Open University study would take place at home after all. Andrew picked up his bag and turned and left the library without another word. Katie was waiting outside but he said nothing and strode past her and headed home. In fact because he never came home early from school no one thought to check that he was there and so he was able to get a bunch of work done. He wandered through for dinner and his mum thought he was just home. Whatever. Andrew went back through to his room and allowed the studying to relax him. This module was about working with a new computer language, and Andrew was focusing pretty hard, trying to make sense of it. There was a knock at the door. It was his dad.

“There is a call for you Andrew.”

Andrew didn’t move.

“Who is it Dad?”

He sighed.

“Tanvi I think.”

“Take a message please, I am not available. Ever.”

Andrew turned back to his work. His father’s voice hardened.

“No Andrew. I am not going to allow you to make this mistake. Talk to her please.”

He stood up and walked through to the phone.

“Who is this?”

“Andrew, its Tanvi”.

Click. Andrew turned and looked at his dad.

“Wrong number.”

And walked away. His father started to get angry at him and Andrew cut him off.

“You don’t get it do you. For two months I lay in a hospital bed not knowing whether I was going to live or die. Do you know who helped me get that through that? Faith and Leslie. Little more than a week after I got the all clear I watched my friend, the person who I had talked about death with, being tortured to death by cancer. Tortured. I can close my eyes and I can see what the cancer was doing to her and her body. She and her sister sorted my life out. Everything that has happened in the last two years is because I met Faith and Leslie Campbell. Nine weeks later Faith was dead. I don’t know what everyone thinks they are going to achieve by probing at my relationship with Leslie but it is the most vital, important thing in my whole life. Do you realise how black and nihilistic my mood was on Saturday and Sunday? Leave her the fuck alone and give me some fucking privacy. Let me cherish the memory of my dead friend without snide comments from ignorant ill-informed people. FUUUCK.”

Andrew was shaking with rage. There was a fire and an anger in his eyes that made his dad take a step back but he clenched his fists. Just for a second it teetered on the edge of getting even worse but his mother calmed his father and the moment passed. Andrew went back into his room. The next morning he had no memories of the rest of the night. He did his exercises but left to go to the pool early. But that morning he swam for more than an hour and made no attempt to get to school on time and arrived well after Assembly. He signed in as late at the office but did not go to class. He found one of the few payphones at the school and called Helen Graham’s office, explaining that he needed an urgent appointment. After some rustling and a mumbled conversation at the other end of the line he was told to come at the end of the day. He went through the motions in class but might as well have not been there. Andrew stayed away from the library at lunchtime and left the school as soon as last class was over. He walked for two hours. No purpose, no direction.

The session with Helen was cathartic. Like his sessions with Moira except they kept their clothes on. Andrew had grief issues, anger issues and authority issues; that apparently was a big one. She suggested that he come and see her every week during third term. His parent’s authorisation to be treated was still on file so he did not have to tell them about it. Andrew scheduled 5.30 every Tuesday night for the whole of third term. As an immediate measure she told him to try and not get wound up about it, which easy for her to say. Talking it through burned up all the oxygen of his anger and calmed him afterwards. He still had to go home and face his parents. Again. One of the fundamental issues was Andrew was still notionally under their control while being a university student in his deeds and outlook. Andrew had thought earlier in the year that they either were afraid to parent him or did not know how to parent him. That was more obvious with every passing day. Andrew apologised for the second time in three nights. It was his mum who finally spoke.

“You have made such a miraculous recovery from your cancer that I forget that it is only two years ago. I will not condone your behaviour but I will also not condemn it. Neither your dad nor I truly appreciated how precious your memories of Faith were and are. They are the flame that burns brightest inside you. Nobody understands the relationship that you and Leslie have. Not us, not Brian and Mary, nobody. It defies definition and just needs to be accepted and left alone. Dr. Jindal called us later last night once you were in your room. He is sorry that his questions made you feel this way. Tanvi is heartbroken Andrew. You do need to talk to her. I know that you spoke at school but I was told you were short and cut her off at the knees. There is a ruthless streak in you son, and I don’t know where it comes from. You do need to give people a chance. I also think we need to get you an appointment with Dr. Graham about your rages. They are scary.”

“I went there after school today. I have set up appointments with her for the whole of third term Mum. Thank you for accepting my apology. Helen says that the anger is a manifestation of the grief. My grief is still strong. Whenever I think of Faith I always go back to that Saturday at the hospice. I am very angry at cancer like it has tangible form. That anger fuels my drive through life. I also know that I cannot be easy to parent. I am appreciative of the trust you have in me and the control I have over my life. I only have to see the parents of my friends to know that it is rare to the point of being unique. So, I will try and be calmer around here and am going to work with Helen on my anger issues. I will also keep Leslie separate from other people in my life. I have been too open about her and that is going to change going forward. As for Tanvi, at the end of the day I am not going out with someone whose father treats me like that. I have too much self-respect. That is what I told her. She can’t change her father or my opinion of him, therefore we are done. Everything else is a waste of time and energy. If you want to call that ruthless then so be it. I am very much done with high school teenage drama.”

The sense of relief at being able to talk to his mother surprised Andrew. His father had been present but silent, and Andrew wasn’t sure he was as forgiving. He studied well that night and slept even better. He got back into his routine the next day. Suzanne looked relieved to see him when he came into the form room.

“You look better than yesterday Andrew. How are you?”

“I am good this morning Suzanne. How are you?”

“I can’t wait for this term to be over. I am ready for a break. I am sure you are too.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

His voice conveyed the depth of feeling in that. As they headed up to Assembly Andrew was tense for the anticipated ambush from Tanvi and Katie but nothing happened. School was hectic and unruly. Classes were all but over and most people were not focusing. Andrew in turn enjoyed the calm of the library as he read through his Computer Science text. The afternoon visit to the library was drama free as well and he bounded home full of energy. That night as he finished up another piece of FORTRAN coding he remembered about the hockey tryout. That was going to be an almighty waste of time but he had made a promise to Hendricks. Damn.

Andrew caught the bus down to Goldenacre on Sports afternoon without incident. He had no idea where this trial was going to take place, he hoped not in full view of the teams. He went to find Hendricks before getting changed. There was no sign of her anywhere. None of the other coaches or ground staff had seen her. He was bummed out at the wasted trip. Suzanne spotted him when the girls started coming out of the changing rooms and ran over.

“Andrew? What are you doing here?”

“I was supposed to meet Hendricks here but no one has seen her. Wasted trip I guess.”

He grabbed his bag to head off.

“What were you meeting our hockey coach for Andrew?”

“She wanted me to go on a coaching course and become the assistant coach. Despite my telling her I have no hand eye coordination she wanted to give me a test and for me to prove to her I am as crap as I say I am. That was the reason for the trip but it looks like it is a waste. Anyway, have fun and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Hang on, don’t tell me that and then just run off. She wanted you to help coach?”

“Yes, she came and spoke to me after the match on Saturday. Thanked me for my support and asked if I wanted to help coach. I would love to help but I know my limitations. She didn’t believe me so here I am. I don’t know whether anything would have come of it anyway. When I say it out loud it seems unlikely? A 16 year old boy hanging out with 15 to 18 year old girls. The parents would have a shitfit. Anyway, it is moot as she is not here.”

Andrew thought about it as he sat on the bus on the way back into the centre of the city. What was Hendricks thinking? There is no way the school or the parents were going to cope with this idea. The whole thing had been nothing more than an excuse to avoid running round the Meadows. But he dismissed it from his mind as he approached the café for one of his regular meetings with Maggie.

In contrast to the rest of his life, the time Andrew spent with Maggie was fun and relaxing. Mainly he thought because it was so different to everything else. And it was all her doing. Andrew was three months from his 16^th birthday, going through the tail end of puberty but found spending time with a just turned 23 year old part-time nude model to be enjoyable. He knew he blushed three times a meeting, minimum, but it was worth it. It was many months, probably years, later but what Andrew didn’t realise was that Maggie broke him of the very British uptight obsession with sex and nudity. Everything about British life suffered through a bipolar outlook. People wanted to see nudity, to hear about sex, but so that they could then be outraged about it. Nudity, especially female nudity, was a big deal. At 15 this was far too complex for Andrew to realise or understand. Half the people in the country had tits yet the other half seemed completely obsessed by them. Now the previous sentences are full of sweeping generalisations but it is a core and fundamental part of the British psyche. By spending time with Maggie, Andrew was cured of this affliction, as if he had been vaccinated against it. Maggie was always so matter of fact about the fact that she was a nude model and, as she took great delight in telling him every time they meet, was looking forward to modelling for him as a 16^th birthday present. It was years later that Andrew was able to think about his attitude to nudity and realise that it was as a result of this formative period.

“Will we attempt to organise the trial modelling session during your school break?”

“That’s a good idea. Although with you working all day it doesn’t really matter to me.”

“How about two weeks tomorrow? At the end of your break.”

“Who do you suggest be at the session. Are there some guys you are more comfortable than others, is someone really good that I should try and copy?”

Maggie thought about this.

“They are all okay, Tony has weeded all the stupid eejits out. The two guys that are the best are probably Malcolm and Angus. They are older and have worked with models for years. Those two and Tony are probably the best for your first session.”

Her smile got wider.

“Any requests for clothing?”

Andrew obliged with the expected blush, making Maggie laugh out loud.

“Do you think you could wear a pair of tight jeans?”

Andrew’s face was flaming.

“Oh an arse man. Okay then, just for you I’ll wear my tightest jeans.”

“I need to go and stick my head in a snowbank, it is the only way it is going to cool down.”

Maggie stood up and gave him a parting hug.

“Nah, you will be fine. Now the night that I peel these jeans down over my arse, now that will be a different story.”

Maggie’s laughter echoed round the café as Andrew blushed even more, something he thought was physiologically impossible. It was going to be a long three months!

The following morning, the last day of term two, Andrew wanted to strangle Suzanne. The story had spread like wildfire. The comments were hilarious, inappropriate, sexist or homophobic. Everyone had an opinion, for something that wasn’t going to happen. As it was the last day of term Andrew just grinned and bore it. The girls squashed a couple of guys like bugs when the comments went too far. He just laughed it off and told anyone who asked to go and see Hendricks. She finally caught up with him at lunchtime. He was the only person in the library other than Mrs. Graves.

“You are a hard man to track down Andrew. Sorry about yesterday, I got called into a last minute meeting with the headmaster and did not get down to Goldenacre until after you had left. I found 30 girls all very intrigued as to my plan for the new assistant coach. Suzanne confessed that she had told them. Why did you tell her Andrew?”

“She saw me down there. I was looking for you and asked if she had seen you. She then wanted to know why I was looking for the hockey coach so I told her.”

“So you didn’t tell her until yesterday afternoon?”

“No. I had told no one. If I had found you then no one would have known. Doesn’t matter, I was thinking about it on the bus on the way home. There is no way the school or the parents would allow it. A teenage boy with all those ‘vulnerable and impressionable young ladies’.”

“You really don’t have much time for teachers or adults generally Andrew, do you? You think the worst of them at all times.”

She challenged him.

“I am afraid that I have a long history of being proved right Mrs. Hendricks. Let me see Ford, Caldwell, Lyle, Cousins, the head, at least six sets of parents as well as several adults outside the school. I am polite, hardworking, supportive and try my best at everything including being a good friend. For my trouble I have been suspended, ridiculed in class by at least two teachers, been found guilty of a fictitious offence with my punishment decided before I ever set foot in the head’s office. So please don’t lecture me on my attitude to adults, and especially teachers. All it does is make me mad. Excuse me.”

Andrew pushed away from the desk and stalked out of the library. That night when he went home he sat down with briefly with his parents.

“I would like you to get the application form for Watson’s please.”