Chapter 59

Life runs in cycles. Periods of calm are followed by periods of activity. February 1981 was a chaotic time for Andrew. It started in late January when on back to back weekends Andrew met both Tanvi and Katie’s parents. Three doctors, although it was still less nerve-wracking than meeting Lord Barnes.

At the Jindal’s the surprises came thick and fast. Tanvi’s mother was a Muslim and all of Tanvi’s grandparents, on both sides, had been very unsupportive of the marriage. It was why they had moved to Edinburgh, where they had met at the University. Not that the prejudice was any less there. They were parents who wanted to shelter their daughter from the unpleasantness of the world but at the same time were very proud of her independent nature. Andrew thought they liked the idea of him but were having issues with the reality. Tanvi had very few secrets from her parents, so they talked honestly. Andrew and Tanvi were going out every couple of weeks to events on their own but in public places, movies, bowling etc. Tanvi studied hard and when her parents found out Andrew studied as hard if not harder then some of their concerns abated. She was their only child and had been abused at her last school, they were protective and he understood. They were nice people and the night passed without incident. The kiss on the doorstep out of sight of her parents told him how happy Tanvi was with the evening. It was scorching and he walked off in a daze. That woman knew how to kiss.

Katie’s parents were funny in a battle hardened, weary sort of way. The every other weekend slow pace pleased them although it completely confused them at the same time. Andrew left it to Katie to tell her folks later about taking it slow, there was no need to discuss that with them in front of him, particularly if she compared her own behaviour to her sisters. Neither of them riled him up and he wondered if he had changed or whether he had just been unlucky the previous year. Both Katie and Tanvi were 16 nearing 17. That they were older definitely helped as well.

He and Moira had agreed on a monthly stress reduction session. Her father worked late on a Tuesday and Andrew had headed over to Moira’s after school one Tuesday late in January. He never asked her about her dating life, just like she never asked him. Andrew was just as happy to release some stress as well and so the arrangement worked. She had done well at the end of term one before Christmas in her test and had more confidence. She was still her own fiercest critic and could get down on herself very quickly. Andrew was now feeling more confident that she would pass her maths exam in May. She was getting the material, most of her issues were now in her head. But it was only January, there were still four months to go.

Mr. Kearns had again offered to let him swim at school in the morning, secretly Andrew thought he wanted to be able to swim as well. It had been more than a year at Warrender by then and Andrew was not going to up and change. Kearns understood but did have a follow up request.

“Normally Juniors only race up to 800m but they have announced that there will be a 1500m freestyle event as well. Do you still just do distance in the mornings?”

“Yes, about 35 minutes alternating front and back stroke each day. I do some butterfly occasionally but I cannot do that for the whole time. 15 minutes tops. Nah even that is too long. 10-12 minutes.”

“Would you be prepared to swim the 1500m event for us at some swim meets? Most of the meets are on a Thursday this term which would mean you would be excused Sports and possibly last period if we have to travel.”

“Am I good enough? I don’t have any idea of distances and times. I lose focus on the number of laps. I would never keep an accurate count up to 60.”

“You swim at Warrender?” Andrew nodded. “Front or back tomorrow?”

“Eh, front. Yeah, front.”

“What time are you there? 7.30?”

“No a little earlier. I normally swim 7.25 to 8.00. Are you going to come and time me?”

“Yes. I will do the count. You can swim as normal until 7.40 to warm up and then I would like you to do a 1500m timed swim for me. That will be in the 18-20 minute range so you will get out on time.”

So the next morning when he got out of the changing room Mr. Kearns was standing talking to a coach from the swim club that also were there most mornings. He wandered over when he saw Andrew.

“Still turning swim coaches down I see.” He said with a smile.

“I am not interested in the interval training. I use swimming to stay fit, relax and think in that order. I am happy to try the 1500m because it is no different than how I train. I am intrigued as to my time. Don’t yell or give me lap times or anything like that. Tell me when I have two laps to go and I will see if I have any kick left or not, okay”

Andrew recorded a time of 17 minutes and 20 seconds and felt he could have kept a faster pace, he had plenty left in the tank at the end. Kearns told him anything under 17 minutes would make him competitive. Andrew was pleased, no more running round the Meadows that term.

With getting ready for the weekend away doing the proficiency tests, he was late out of the CCF. It was the last Friday of the month and he debated going over to the Commonwealth or not. He had the first meet the following week so figured he needed to put some laps in. Andrew walked over thinking about the engineering exercises he would getting assessed on in a couple of weeks. He had been saved from a potential dilemma by the Army, in its romantic wisdom, scheduling the Proficiency testing on the weekend of Valentine’s Day. Not having to choose one of his weekend dates meant he dodged a bullet there.

Andrew swam butterfly, then backstroke for 30 minutes getting warmed up then tried the slightly faster pace on his front crawl. It worked okay but there was a big difference between the 25 and 50 metre pools. He had to avoid a couple of slower swimmers and came in at 17 minutes 7 seconds. Pacing on Thursday would be interesting. He pulled himself out of the pool and went over to the bench to recover for a minute. As Andrew sat down life all of a sudden got better. Walking towards him was the girl he had admired from afar for months. He needed to stop staring but it was tough. Old Andrew reasserted himself with a vengeance and he blushed and became tongued tied, just looked pathetic. She had a small quirky smile on her face as she walked past. Andrew put his head in his hands, time to leave. Smooth Andrew, real smooth. He was laughing at himself and at the same time berating himself as he headed towards the changing room.

The following Tuesday was the 2^nd anniversary of Faith’s death. Andrew knew it was coming, it was a month and a day after her birthday. He had asked Leslie whether her parents wanted him to come over and they decided he would give the Campbells some space that weekend. He was seeing Leslie as much on a Saturday as on a Sunday these days as she was now the business brains behind the software and they talked with her and demonstrated the features of it.

The date of Faith’s death meant that commemorating her was always in weather that matched the mood. The first week of February in Scotland is bleak and cold. The sun never seemed to shine and overcast skies were the norm. Andrew stood before the Cross of Remembrance in the grounds at Mortonhall thinking about the last two years, the life he was leading. He was living two lives in one but would give half of it up in an instant to bring her back. Just as last year, his mood swung as he stood there thinking about Faith and the life she never got to lead. It was these moments that reinforced his resolve to do something with his life and to make a difference. There were no tears that year just an ever-present sense of sadness at the loss. It was 8.40 before he made his way back to the car. His mum was waiting patiently for him playing with Scott. She didn’t say anything just patted his hand and drove him down to school.

Suzanne picked up on his mood during the day and asked about it in the afternoon. Andrew was fine by then and was able to fob it off. As he sat there working through a maths problem with Moira he thought about how he never let anyone in. Other than Leslie no one knew or understood him completely. Not even his parents. There were so many secrets that he was guarding without conscious thought almost. At the core of it all was Faith. No one knew the importance of Faith. One or two people, including Suzanne, thought there was more to the Leslie story. Julian knew about the business and the money but neither of them enquired about what the other did with his cash. Julian had the Capri but Andrew had no idea about the rest of his money. Again, it was only Leslie that knew about the business, the money, the house, the car and the other investments. Keeping most of this quiet made sense but it still left him living a life of secrets. At some point in his life he was going to have to let some people in and share some of himself. What was the phrase Tanvi and Katie used? He lived life on his terms; yes he did. It was the new Andrew.

Thursday’s swim meet was eye-opening. Half way through his 4^th year at Heriot’s and Andrew was in a competitive team sport environment for the first time. The 1500m was going to be the last event. It took nearly 20 minutes to run and was too long a gap in the middle of the meet to sustain excitement. So he had a lot of hanging around to do. This meant cheering on his teammates, again something new for him. As the meet wound down it was finally his turn. Earlier some of the events had so many competitors there were two or even three heats. But the 1500m was the longest race in competitive swimming and did not attract a lot of interest from swimmers, so there were only six of them. Most of the teams stayed to watch, at least the start. Some of the team used it as a chance to grab a quick shower and still be back before the end of the race. As this was his very first race Andrew had no previous times for seeding or anything like that. He was in the outside lane so would have only a swimmer on one side to pace against. His only memories of the race were Kearns yelling at him to pick up the pace and the number of laps. It is 60 laps back and forth in a 25m pool. Andrew have never been good at remembering to count and so just left it to Kearns to keep him informed. He was well ahead of the guy in the lane beside him but could not tell how he was doing against the best couple of swimmers in the middle lanes. Kearns yelled that there were eight laps to go and Andrew picked up the pace as much as he could. There was a danger he would fade badly over the final 50m if he timed this wrong but he went for it, swam as fast as he could for the last 200m. Andrew ended up second at 16 minutes and 57 seconds, the first time he had beaten 17 minutes. He was both elated and exhausted. His points moved the school up to third overall and the team cheered. He finally understood the camaraderie of a team. Better late than never he supposed.

His meetings for a coffee and a chat with Maggie had continued and so later that afternoon after the swim meet Andrew was sitting in the café. When she arrived he was leaning against the wall, his eyes closed just relaxing, letting his body recover.

“How late am I? You asleep over there?”

Andrew explained the swim meet.

“You swam how many lengths?”

“60, in just under 17minutes.”

“Well it sounds like a lot, although I have no idea about the time. Was it good?”

“Not bad for my age. How are you?”

“Excited.”

“Excited? Why?”

“I always get excited in the run up to a Friday night session. You asked why I model a couple of weeks ago and this is one of the reasons.”

Andrew didn’t know what to say to that and looked confused.

“I can see you don’t get it. Day to day life is tough, the job is okay but some of the people that I work with are pretty nasty. So most of the month it is getting by, the same old dreary shit. But a couple of times a month, sometimes more often, I get to pretend to be someone else. I get told I am great, told I am pretty, just given an endless evening of compliments. And in addition I get well paid for it. I was nervous as hell the evening I first took my bra off, I was shaking like a leaf. But before the end of the night I was loving it. So it is the thing that puts a bit of a spark into my life. Not that anyone knows. That is why I freaked when I spotted you last month.”

Andrew sat there processing everything Maggie was saying. Modelling to her sounded like acting. She was only Monica the model two or three days a month for an evening. It was fascinating to listen to her explain why she was doing it, and being honest about how it excited her.

“Cat got your tongue?”

“No, I was just thinking about everything you said, that was all. I remember meeting you that first time three years ago and you were this incredibly confident worldly woman. As I am sure you remember, I had trouble looking you in the eye that first meeting.”

Maggie laughed at the memory.

“You weren’t the only person who thought my eyes were down there.”

“It is interesting to hear you talk about how much you enjoy it. I never really considered why women modelled. Looking back I guessed people did it for the money.”

“Oh, there is no doubt that is a big part of it. I wouldn’t be doing this for nothing. But it is not the sole motivation, I know that.”

“I always find it strange that we can sit and chat about this, about you modelling naked. It feels like it shouldn’t be so normal. Does that make sense?”

“In a way, but think about you today. All you were wearing was a small pair of swim trunks. Did you ever stop to consider that you were all but naked for a chunk of the afternoon?”

It was a night of silences. Maggie was right, sure he had trunks on but they were small and tight. It was just the same for everybody.

“People were there to watch us swim, not look at our bodies though. With what you do is it not more. I don’t know blatant? Sexy?”

“Oh absolutely that is the whole point. But it is what I am getting paid for. That is the other thing Andrew. I have been saddled with these since I was 12. That is more than 10 years of guys pestering me. All the way through school all guys were interested in was my body. It was tough for a long time. But what I have learned through modelling is to use my body for myself. Sure I take my clothes off and a bunch of guys take photos of me. But it is my choice, they have to pay me. I stand there and think about how some of those guys have to pay to see a naked woman. Five or six years ago I was letting guys see and touch me because it was all I knew. Life was tough at school. I made a lot of mistakes and I am lucky I don’t end up with a bairn. Strangely enough, for me modelling has helped me cope with my body, come to terms with a lot of stuff from my past.”

It sounded like Maggie had gone through a lot growing up.

“I didn’t mean it to be a downer. At the end of the day it is my choice. Modelling gives me a week of building excitement in the run-up, a really great time in the studio and some extra spending money. The guys at Tony’s are decent, probably the nicest bunch in town. It works for both sides. I am a big show-off and they like to take photos of me showing off.”

Andrew had to laugh at the way she summarised it.