Chapter 5

It’s the topic that keeps on giving! Folks, I promise you that once this topic is fully flushed away, I will continue with something else. But for now, gschies has a bit more to add.

Hi again! Thank you for the continuing series ... When will the first streaming service knock on your (privy’s) door?

Now, I’d like to also thank doncdonc - and mention two details, where doncdonc and me are not of the same opinion ;-)

a) I’ve always thought that a maidenhead was an anatomical something that made the difference between a virgin and a woman. The figurehead, in the immortal words of Ambrose Bierce, is “that part of a war-ship which does ... the thinking” (The Devil’s Dictionary, lemma ADMIRAL, n.) It figures that this important part of Britain’s Royal Navy was on permanent sh.t-duty.

b) I’ve heard another explanation for “loo”. Mind you, it’s at least as far-fetched as doncdonc’s, because it goes back at least to the Late Middle Ages. In these times, only the very rich could have afforded indoor-privies (nobody had indoor-plumbing). Everybody used chamber-pots (this utensil was also known as “guzunder”, because it “goes under” - the bed, usually). When the pot was full, those that had a garden, emptied the pot in the garden (and your carrots come up a treat! Guaranteed!). In the cities, however, there was a problem: Very, very few gardens. So, people were supposed to empty the night-soil in the gutter, and some did.

However, I ask you: Suppose you live in the city, on the third or even fourth floor of a house in the poor quarter. How much would you like to carry at least one well-filled odorous guzunder down a steep and probably dark spiral staircase? Every blessed day? Much easier to simply empty the stuff out of the window, isn’t it? And so, because you are a kind soul, you give a warning cry beforehand. I have heard that people employed a French phrase: Gardez l’eau! (Be careful, water’s coming!) The English have been known for their gift for foreign languages since King Alfred’s times (at the very least), so they pronounced the French as: Gardy-loo! And the last syllable has remained a firm part of colloquial English to this day, forever and ever, Am ... oh, sorry, I seem to have turned two pages in my prayer-book.

Whether this has a better chance of being true than the exploits of Mr. Crapper at Waterloo Station, I don’t know. Please decide for yourself...

Regards, H.