Chapter 32

SUMMERTIME! And time to get that grill and smoker going! Barbecue is as American as John Wayne, muscle cars, and football. While most of us have the basics down, there’s an entire Jeopardy episode’s worth of BBQ facts out there. We rounded up some tasty facts for you to enjoy while you wait for the meat to get finished.

1. Thank stingy late-1800s cattle barons and resourceful cowboys for delicious, slow-cooked brisket: the barons didn’t want to feed cowboys good meat, so threw them brisket instead. The cowboys soon figured out if they cooked it for a long time over a low heat, it wasn’t just palatable, it was ... awesome.

2. The word we use for all this tastiness most likely comes from Caribbean Island-natives -- either via the Taíno people of the Caribbean (Puerto Rico, etc.) or the Timucua of southern Florida; their word was barabicu. But it has also cropped up in multiple Romance languages as barbacoa.

3. Archaeologists discovered that the diet of whoever built Stonehenge involved copious amounts of barbecue (before that was even a word); traces of pork and beef were unearthed nearby, presumably from post-virgin-sacrificing feasts? Cool, but WHAT’S THAT THING FOR?

4. The first mention of a “barbecue” in America dates from 1733, when Benjamin Lynde of Salem, Massachussetts, wrote in his diary on August 31st, “Fair and hot; Browne; Barbacue. hack overset.” Which sounds like he went to a barbecue with Mrs. Brown, or ... there was Bobby Brown sauce.

5. Pre-Civil War, Southerners ate around 5 pounds of pork to every pound of beef, as pigs were easier to raise than cattle and could be let loose when they became too expensive. Oh and they’re delicious, which was probably a factor.

6. Barak Obama became the first person ever to skip the hours-long wait at Austin’s Franklin Barbecue last year, but bought lunch for the line as a thank you. “I feel real bad, but -- I’m gonna cut.” We say, why else be President?

7. In an early BBQ-politics tie-in, supporters of our seventh President, Andrew Jackson (nicknamed “Old Hickory” because he was as tough as hickory wood), distributed hickory toothpicks and canes at, you guessed it, hickory-fired barbecues.

8. Politics and BBQ tangled even earlier, when in 1800s Alabama a guy called Barbecuensis started talking smack about political barbecues. His 1829 petition to end the affairs totally sputtered out, because barbecue rules.

9. More than any other President, LBJ used barbecue and cookouts as diplomatic tools, hosting politicians like then President of Mexico Lopez Mateos and West German Chancellor Konrad Adenauer, and many members of congress. Nothing assures world peace and harmony like “You’ve got some sauce right there ... Oh just come here.”

10. BBQ & politics continue to mix today: Presidential candidate Jeb Bush placated deep-pocketed donors with barbecue at a recent two-day retreat in Kennebunkport, Maine. Nothing says “Commander-In-Beef” like barbecue brisket, smoked turkey, salad, and mashed potatoes.

11. Aptly named Smokey Robinson’s contract rider includes a request for a platter of barbecue chicken wings for himself, his vocalists, his dancers, his conductor, and his band members. Employer of the year?

12. Long before anyone pulled up and asked for a Sausage-Egg McMuffin, McDonald’s was originally a barbecue drive-in, called... “McDonald’s Bar-B-Que.”

13. Not so fast. Top BBQ chefs maintain that barbecue meat needs to rest (otherwise you’ll lose all the juices) way longer than you might think -- anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

14. BBQ bologna is a thing. Just rub a log down with your favorite mixture, using mustard before as adhesive, and smoke it at a low temp for a couple hours.

15. Johnny Fugitt spent a year eating at 365 barbecue spots to research his book, 100 Best Barbecue Restaurants in America. He LOST WEIGHT during the tour, so we can only imagine an average year.

16. Judges in Kansas City Barbecue Society contest must be at least 16 years old. If you can’t drive, you can’t intelligently comment on the flavor profile of a rack of ribs.

17. KCBS judges cannot lick their fingers during judging. They can, however, use unscented wet naps and paper towels. Which is just no fun.

18. In the super weird documentary, Finders Keepers, two dudes buy a BBQ smoker at auction, find a mummified human foot inside, and then argue over who should get to keep it.

19. Evander Holyfield made a BBQ sauce. And ... Mike Tyson referenced Evander’s bitten ear to endorse it.

20. Dan Levine and John Shelton Reed formed The Campaign For Real Barbecue to defend 100% wood-cooked BBQ against “faux ‘cue” from hybrid cookers that use gas or electricity. Heroes.

21. In 1964, Charlie Vergos (more on him later) of The Rendezvous in Memphis tried to boot the Rolling Stones out of the restaurant because they were “pretty raggedy-looking.” (A Beatles fan, obviously). However, they ended up becoming regulars and played a show there in 1999.