Chapter 29

Last weekend, Sweetie and I were invited by a colleague to attend the christening and party after Mass for his new grandchild. Proud and devoted parents stood while the priest blessed the tiny girl. Sweetie was not up on a lot of the Christian practices, having not only grown up in Australia, but she (like many others in her family) practiced Shinto. Me? I tell people that I’m a “Frisbee-terian”. Our deity is a red plastic disc and when you die, your soul gets stuck on the roof of the garage and you can’t get it down.

On the drive from the church to the party, I told Sweetie that this was a large, Irish family and she could expect to see and learn some interesting things about Irish families and culture. She asked for examples, and here we go;

What It Means To Be Irish

You will never play basketball.

You swear quite well.

At least one family member is a cop, a firefighter, bar owner, funeral home owner, or is a politician.

You spent a lot of time on your knees during childhood.

You think that you sing very well.

You have no idea how to make a long story short.

Much of your childhood meals were boiled.

You will be punched for no good reason. A lot.

Some of those punches are legacies from previous generations.

Speaking of punches, you can anticipate a brawl that starts for reasons unknown, but ends with everyone telling each other that they love them.

You will have sisters or cousins named; Mary, Eileen, Catherine, or Colleen. Probably one of them is actually named; Mary Eileen Catherine Colleen.

If you don’t know Murph, you know Mac. And if you don’t know Mac, you know Sully. Maybe you know Sully MacMurphy.

You are genetically unable to keep a secret.

There usually isn’t much of a difference between a family wake and a family keg party.

You are strangely poetic when drunk.

You may not know the lyrics, but you WILL sing.

You have Irish Alzeheimers. You only remember the grudges.

Driving home, Sweetie looked over at me and said “That was fun!” I had to smile as I recalled seeing her (after several pints had been consumed) trying to learn how to step dance.