Chapter 26

Advantages (?) of being “old”. Trust me on this!

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation, uou’re likely to be released first.

Nobody expects you to run. Ever.

People who call you after 9:00 in the evening ask; “Did I wake you?”

People no longer view you as a hyprochondriac.

There’s almost nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now, won’t wear out.

You can eat supper at 4:30.

You can live without sex, but not without your glasses. (Sweetie and I challenge this.)

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You no longer think of speed limits as challenges.

You no longer think of yellow traffic lights as challenges.

You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who is in the room.

You sing along with the music in the elevator.

Your eyes won’t get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally starting to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. And remember ... NEVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

“Old” is when your friends compliment your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.

“Old” is when she says; “Lets go upstairs and make love,” and you answer; “Pick! I can only do one!” (Again, Sweetie and I challenge this.)

You are free to agree, disagree, or just laugh. - OGD.