Chapter 15

Back at the Astral Feather, Jack stood with Lucinia in the berthing station. The others had left for the armory, carrying away a few crates of new merchandise. Where Cardox and Sita were acting excited from the engagement, Lucinia was still feeling unsettled.

“The first time you’re in a gunfight is always the worst.” Jack took her in an embrace.

Lucinia took a deep breath to try to steady her nerves. She was a bit uncomfortable with her present state, struggling to keep up a captain’s professional appearance.

“You don’t feel this?” She asked Jack. “You don’t get these shakes after a fight?”

“I did,” He ran his hand over her back, trying to be comforting. “I got used to it, I guess.”

“How do you get used to this?” Lucinia questioned.

“Constant exposure,” Jack replied quietly. “During the war, I’d see action several times a week, or it might be a single battle that goes on for days.”

“How did you cope?”

“Sometimes you don’t,” Jack rested his head against hers. “Sometimes your nerves steady just in time for an airstrike to hit, setting you off again. Sometimes you’re charged for days or weeks. Then downtime hits and you feel uncomfortable, out of place. You look for a reason to get into a fight to bring that feeling up, so you don’t have to go through withdrawal. That feeling makes the anticipation of an approaching battle all the worse.”

“I can’t even imagine, Jack.” She gave him a squeeze. “I never expected a gunfight to be like this.”

“There’s a lot that people don’t understand with combat,” Jack said. “The first three months of fighting, I think I pissed myself outta fear in every battle we were in. Chaos can happen so fast; it leaves you reeling in shock. Airstrikes or beyond line-of-sight attacks were by far the worst because you were caught in explosions without any warning. Sometimes you can’t move from a spot for days, but the body doesn’t stop its functions. You’d think it would be humiliating, but it’s the last thing on your mind as you keep your head down. Going hungry for days was common. Enemy guided missiles could wipe out your supply trucks and leave you foraging and drinking dirty water. You’ll do it eventually because each day you don’t, it gets more appealing until you don’t care.”

“You must find my comments trivial then?” She pulled her head back and put her hands on the sides of his head. “I had a touch of what you went through. You endured that for several years with far more intensity. Yet, here you stand, caring, compassionate, affectionate. You take the time for others, especially those that could use the extra help on their way, despite what must have gone on. Seeing that in you makes me think twice about getting worked up over simple things. That’s something I see you rarely do and now I am beginning to understand why. There is so much worse one could face, experience, than a few moments of minor discomfort.”

Jack set one of his hands over hers and closed his eyes for a moment. “I’d rather you have little things to get worked up about, instead of having to experience things like that. The tradeoff is really shitty.”

“Alright,” Lucinia leaned in and gave him a kiss. “Come by my quarters when next you have a chance. I could use your company tonight.”

“I’ll be there.” Jack promised.

“Are you going to go see Pri?” Lucinia asked. “I intend to regardless, but you are her people, her person. It means the most with you.”

“I’m gonna go see her now.” Jack replied. “I’ll see how she’s handling what happened.”

“Ok, I will see you later.” Lucinia nodded to him as he turned and left.

Jack looked over the gear that Pri was uncrating in the armory.

“Still can’t believe you managed to convince the captain to buy some of this stuff.” He remarked.

“Sezars have ways.” Pri gave him a smile.

“Must have,” Jack looked over new stock laying on one of the tables. “Kinda surprised she agreed to heavy ordinance like this.”

They already possessed a stock of subguns, pistols, and KR series rifles with a variety of attachments. Now, adding to that, was a Kinetic marksman rifle, a pair of high capacity kinetic, automatic support weapons and several models of grenade launchers. Some launchers were stand-alone models while others could be mounted beneath a rifle. An assortment of grenades came with the launchers, from smoke and phosphorus, to explosive, non-lethal, Emp, star shells and thermal/acoustic sensor units. It was all within the scope of their weapon permits when operating in the void, but some of it was illegal to possess on most worlds.

“Well, hope it all works right.” Jack held a pump action grenade launcher for a moment, before passing it off to Pri.

“Full inspection will reveal truth, Jack. Faulty equipment will be noted and repaired.” Jack saw her holding the grenade launcher and he smiled.

“A Sikarran with a launcher, gotta admit, that’s pretty intense.”

She gave him a sly grin in return.

Jack looked at her for a few moments, watching her work to open the last crate of grenades.

“Pri?” He saw her look up curiously. “About today...” Her face changed to an uncomfortable expression. “Are you ok?”

“Sound mind, Jack.” Pri’s response didn’t sound convincing.

“I’m sorry they got hold of you,” He walked over to her and set his hand on her forearm. “I’m sorry for that.”

“What fault is yours? For what purpose do you apologize?”

“I didn’t have your back in that one single moment,” Jack lowered his eyes.

“You have always guarded back to best intent,” Pri suddenly set her other hand over his, gripping tightly. “Firework commotion drew attention as would be case for anyone.”

“It wasn’t a good enough excuse.” Jack was humbled.

“Good enough for ‘Sezar with launcher’.” Pri gave him a smile.

“I’ll do better.” He lightly smiled back.

“No need.” She said softly. “Lose train of thought and focus on positive outcome.”

“Nah,” He scratched at his forehead with a thumbnail for a moment, looking rather distressed. “I would have turned that station over searching for you, if it came to that. There is no way your light is going to fade in some dark fighting pit, alone and afraid with no friends in sight.”

“That is not fate, Jack,” Pri looked at him warmly. “You did as expected. You conducted yourself in accordance with friendship.”

“I get what you’re saying, it’s just...” Jack let out a sigh. “Most Terrans are deeply afraid of failing those they care a lot about.”

“Sentiment is known and cherished. Fear is not warranted.” Pri said quietly.

“Still,” Jack let out a deep breath. “I was an only child. Kazlaena has kinda fallen into the roll of kid sister.” He looked at her with a caring expression. “You and me, we have seen pain in our lives of a similar level. We have dealt with things most could hardly understand. We have looked after each other with trust and respect. We’re kindred spirits kind of like best friend soulmates, that makes us fromates.”

“Fromates?” Pri looked at him, curiously.

“You know, best friends, soulmates, fromates.” He replied.

“I am pleased with ‘fromates’ conduct, actions, mannerisms. Not a day goes by that gratitude is not given to fate for meeting upon park bench and kindness of stranger to emotional Sezar. Others looked away, cast unwelcome remarks, or glares. You extended hand in cherished friendship that has bonded stronger every day.” Pri embraced him as she finished speaking, then stepped back and put a hand on his chest. A moment later he set his hand on her chest. They then covered each other’s chest hands with their free hand, in a bit of a symbolically protective gesture

“Aright,” He nodded. “I can’t promise this isn’t going to bother me, but ok.” He touched the soft scaly skin of her cheek where she had been struck by the gang hostile, seeing her close her eyes momentarily. “Hey, I wanna hear more about you and Kaz and Valeria, ok? When you have some time.”

“Ok,” Pri smiled as he stepped back and headed for the door, stopping to give her one more reassuring look before leaving.