Chapter 20: Return of the Reject Squad

It soon became clear to me that action was necessary, perhaps even drastic action. My family needed to be protected, and my prospects safeguarded. The political situation was becoming more turbulent by the second. My standing within the current regime was quickly deteriorating as Generals and Politicians alike sought my downfall. Even the few allies I had gained among the Elementals began to abandon me. As their own standing became jeopardized, associating with my family and I was tantamount to political suicide. So most of our Elemental caretakers left us to the wolves, as it were. Not that it surprised me; the Lurrannas had long come to expect any kind of disloyalty from lesser beings. Interestingly, I did retain a few allies among the Elementals. My old foe, the Conjurer, remained a stalwart friend, sending messages of support for me to both the Imperial Senate and the Galactic Council. Even more shocking was the fact that he was not the only one. An old-time mentor of the Conjurer, the Prime Minister of Elemency himself, Zanderius Alastar, had also taken a keen interest in my family’s wellbeing.

“I don’t think this is working out too well!” shouted Ryan over the sounds of battle.

At the moment, Ryan found himself in the middle of a firefight between the Red Team and the Green Team. As far as he could tell, the Red Team had more experienced fighters on their side as their fireballs came with more ferocity and size. Fortunately, Ryan could see that his own Green Team had better organization and tactics as the self-proclaimed commanders continuously rallied the troops for more efficient attacks. The Flamers of the Green Team continually fired in waves, sending jets of fire in controlled bursts to defeat their peers.

Unfortunately, the Red Team had the topographical advantage of higher ground as they rained fireballs down from a well-placed vantage point. The Green Team had been moving through a mountain dome when they were ambushed by the Red Team. Although ambush was a strong word as the Reds seemed just as surprised as the Greens. However, the Reds were higher up the mountain range, giving them a distinct tactical edge. What was even worse was the fact that the Spire was just up the hill, and as far as Ryan knew, the Reds were the first team there, meaning their claim over the hilltop would be uncontested.

As Ryan continued to aid in the assault, firing in continual jets of flame in tandem with the members of the Green Team, someone grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and yanked him hard. Ryan was inches away from the face of one of the commanders, the big ginger haired boy.

“Wasn’t this way supposed to be clear, dino boy?”

Not really knowing how to respond to an insult like ‘dino boy’, all Ryan managed to say was, “Oh, sure! When things go wrong, blame the help!”

“I’m gonna put my boot so far up your butt that you’ll start farting out of your mouth! And then I’m gonna-”

“Save the ammunition for the Red Team, please,” ordered the freckle-faced girl shortly before shouting ‘Fire’ to the rest of the regiment as more flames shot from all manner of Psionic Weapons.

Ginger-head boy released Ryan shortly after giving him one last sour look. Personally, Ryan was relieved. Although never one to shy away from a fight, Ryan had to admit that there was something intimidating about that guy. Maybe it was the way he talked in that country accent like he had nothing to lose. Or it could have been the fact that he was fat and yet still so confident in himself.

Fire from the enemy seemed to become more sporadic and chaotic, forcing Ryan and many others to duck under the ridge at the sudden change in intensity. It took Ryan only a moment or two to realize that most of the enemy fire wasn’t even coming close to hitting anybody on the Green Team. Through all the smoke and debris, it was difficult for him to see, even with his keen eyes, but then he remembered someone with even keener eyes.

Nudging Torsha slightly, who huddled on the ground covering her ears, Ryan shouted, “Torsha, something’s going on with the enemy. Can you see through this smoke?”

“Better than you can, yes,” replied Torsha, seeming relieved to have something to do other than sit and wait.

As Torsha peered through the cloud of smoke, Ryan could see her golden-brown eyes glowing softly. She was no doubt concentrating a considerable amount of psions into her pupils. Ryan guessed that this was a feat that was probably only doable by a Werewolf, or perhaps someone with equally powerful senses.

After a few seconds, Torsha gasped and said, “There’s only about a dozen or so soldiers left fighting. The rest are already almost at the top of the mountain. I can’t believe they’d just abandon their men like that.”

Suddenly, Ryan heard a very familiar cry coming from above. “Oy! Take that, you wankers!”

Another familiar voice said soon afterwards, “Can I faint now?”

Immediately, Torsha and Ryan looked at one another and said, “The Reject Squad!”

Ryan and Torsha both got up from the ground and ran to the nearest commander. The tanned boy with the blonde hair from the briefing. “Beachboy, you’ve got to hold your fire!”

The blond kid, though seeming flustered and slightly frightened, was indignant as he said, “That’s commander Beachboy to ... Wait ... I-I mean, Commander Waxer to you, scout!”

“Whatever, man! Listen, you’ve got to tell everyone to hold their fire! I know the guys up there! They don’t stand a chance!”

“What the heck are you talking about?!”

Suddenly, another jet of red flame exploded nearby, throwing up debris and causing Beachboy to recoil in fear. “Oh! Never mind! Just get back to blasting. Commander Jenna says that we’re close to shooting out their supports. Pretty soon, it won’t matter how many enemies are up there when the whole mountain comes crumbling down on them.”

Ryan gasped in panic before saying, “But that’s just it. There’s only like ten guys left up there being used as bait while the rest of the Red Team makes a break for the Spire. If you’ll just let me go up there, I can-”

“Oh, buzz off, will ya?” was the only reply of Beachboy, or Commander Waxer, as he turned his back on Ryan.

Ryan then turned to Torsha, and asked, “Should I do it?”

Torsha shrugged, “As your mentor, I should say no. But being me, I’ll say ‘why the heck not’?”

Ryan smiled before dashing up the mountainside faster and more agilely than many Elementals his age could ever dream of. Ryan could faintly hear shouts of dismay as he scaled the mountainside, but he chose to ignore them as he concentrated on ascending. He was only slightly aware of the fact that not only was scaling a mountain a lot easier than it should have been, but he could hardly feel a thing as his scaled hands dug deep into the mountainside.

Man! Never knew I was a god at mountain climbing. When this is over, I should do tours.

There was, however, one slight problem in climbing, and that was dodging the relentless barrage of fireballs that seemed to be getting more accurate the higher Ryan climbed. He was occasionally forced to jump from side to side to avoid getting hit, almost losing his hold a time or two. As Ryan peered closer, he could see some kind of makeshift turrets that were sending flames down on him. That answered a few questions since the Reject Squad seemed too hapless to be able to hold an entire army back on their own. The nerds probably set up the fire turrets as a backup while they played for time.

Ryan finally made it to the line of turrets and quickly jumped over them as their automatic systems began to take aim at him. Fortunately, these turrets were not particularly advanced, so they were fairly easy to dodge and even easier to disable with a few well aim slices with his flaming sword. There seemed to be only a dozen or so turrets all hammered on the side of the mountain aiming down. The turrets were engineered so that they could only turn a few inches to the right and left, but not make a full 180-degree turn. Still, it was fairly clever of the Red Team to set up this stunt to keep the Green Team busy while the rest made their way to the objective. They probably just needed the Reject Squad to keep maintenance on the turrets and to occasionally shout out cutting remarks in order to sell the deception.

Suddenly, Ryan was torn from his thoughts as a barrage of Green Team fire came dangerously close to searing his underpants. The mountain shook as rocks tumbled beneath and above him.

Oops! Forgot that my team still thinks we’re in a battle. Better get the Reject Squad out of here before the whole mountain gives out from under us.

Within seconds, Ryan had reached the top as he jumped over the ledge to stand face to face with a very frightened-looking human boy. Ryan raised his hands slowly in a sign of surrender. “Hey! How’s it hanging, pal? Now just hear me out. All I want is-”

The dorky-looking leader of the Reject Squad squealed loudly. Then, in a panic-stricken effort, started waving his arms around as if to swat Ryan away all the while screaming in a sort of hiccupping fashion. None of his blows were even connecting as his eyes closed tightly and his face turned away from his opponent. During this display of ineptitude, the strange boy was backing away very slowly from Ryan in a vain effort to escape. As far as Ryan could tell, the boy’s instincts on flight or fight hadn’t made up their minds yet.

Ryan turned to the other members of the Reject Squad for help as they all stooped huddled together in a crevice staring at him with their mouths gaping in shock and horror.

“Come on, guys! Don’t you remember me?! We had that bonding moment in the desert!”

Though it was difficult to hear from the squealing sounds of their leader, Ryan was still able to detect the telltale signs of unstable footing as the ground began to vibrate under his feet.

“Everyone, take cover!” yelled Ryan as a final barrage of fire split the ledge in half.

Ryan saw it all through the dust, scorched rocks, and earth. Somehow, his senses had intensified to near superhuman levels, and he could see perfectly as the rocks began to give way under the feet of the members of the Reject Squad. One by one, they slowly began to tumble into the darkness. Ryan reacted instinctively, dashing to catch the first member who fell. The only foothold present were two rocks angled just above the crevice where the team of nerds stood huddled together. Without knowing how or why, Ryan instantly made a split maneuver, suspending himself above the ledge while hanging upside down. With his legs wedged into place, he grabbed onto the first falling member of the Reject Squad with both arms. As the other members of the group began to fall, Ryan thought for a split second if only there was a way to save them as well. Perhaps they could have the wherewithal to grab onto one another in some kind of human rope.

Amazingly, what Ryan just imagined came to fruition as each member of the Reject Squad grabbed onto each other’s legs as they fell in perfect coordination. It actually kind of reminded him of the ‘Barrel of Monkeys’ game he used to play as a kid. However, to his great horror, he soon found himself having to hold the weight of at least nine adolescents whilst doing the splits - which he soon realized hurt like hell. If not for his sturdy bone structure perpetuated by his Earth Dragon lineage, Ryan was sure he would have been ripped in half. A very audible and highly pitched squeak escaped his lips due to discomfort to his pelvis region. Offhandedly, if a gymnast saw this, he would have been amazed at the perfect split that Ryan had made which secured him firmly to the two ledges of the cliffside.

Fortunately, when it came to actual disasters, the Reject Squad’s leader seemed to come to his senses as he stood at the edge of the ledge above Ryan with what little footing remained. “Just-just hold on! I’ll get help! Whatever you do, don’t move!”

Despite the pain that Ryan felt in his legs and his arms at the moment while maintaining the ridiculous position of doing splits upside down on a cliffside while holding a human rope of nine, Ryan still managed to say in a very, very high-pitched voice, “NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!”

All at once, the whining soon began from the other inhabitants of the human rope.

“I don’t want to climb cliffs anymore!”

“I wanna go home, Mommy! I wanna go home!”

“Can I faint now?”

“No Sludge! You may not faint right now!”

Seriously, guys, thought Ryan dejectedly to himself. Do you have ANY idea of what I’m going through right now?! Even if we do survive, I’ll be lucky to still be able to have children after this!

“Okay! Okay! Okay! Umm ... You! What’s your name?” asked the leader of the Rejects, snapping and pointing at Ryan.

“It’s ... Ryan,” answered Ryan while gasping for breath, his voice still very high-pitched. “We ... met ... in the desert dome!”

“Okay, Ryan! I’m Phil!”

“Hi, Phil! Nice to meet you,” said Ryan sarcastically. “Now could you please, I don’t know, DO SOMETHING HELPFUL!” Some of the depth had returned to his voice, but it was still higher than usual due to the strain on his privates.

“Right! Right! Right! Umm,” Phil scratched his head for a few seconds in deep concentration. “What should I do?

“I don’t freakin’ know!” shouted Ryan angrily, though he had to pause to pant for a few seconds. “Think of something intelligent! Aren’t you ... a nerd or something?”

“Umm! Umm! Wait! They stopped firing!”

Suddenly, Phil rushed to the edge of the cliff and shouted, “Hey! You down there! We need help! Temporary truce! Please! We need as many Wind and Earth Type Elementals as you’ve got!”

At first, there was no answer, which made Ryan tempted to give in to despair. But Ryan’s heart soared as he heard Torsha’s voice say, “We hear you and we’re on our way! Tell Ryan to hold on just a little longer!”

Phil nodded frantically to the Werewolf below and shouted with a broad grin, “Okay! I’ll tell him!”

Phil then crawled on his hands and knees in a most comical manner that might have made Ryan laugh if he wasn’t in complete agony. Beaming proudly as if he had just won the Nobel Prize, Phil screamed at Ryan, “She said to-”

“I heard!” interrupted Ryan rather grumpily. Under the circumstances, he thought he had earned the right to be a little grumpy.

“How much longer are they gonna take?” complained one of the danglers as he held onto the boy’s legs above him.

“I don’t think my arms can hold on for that long!” said the one at the bottom.

“Hey!” shouted a peeved Ryan. “You try doing the splits like this when you’ve never done the splits in your life! And if not, then get over it!”

“But I-” started the boy.

Ryan was in no mood to take this. “Seriously, dude! The only weight you’ve got is your own!”

“Yeah, Troy! Stop being a wimp!” said the boy right above him.

“Shut up, Roger! If I wasn’t holding onto your fat ass for dear life, I’d kick it all over this mountain!”

“I’d like to see you try!”

“Stop fighting! Both of you!” interjected a boy above them.

“I think I’m gonna be sick!” said another.

“If y’all don’t cut it out, I swear I’m gonna faint!” threatened the boy just below the one Ryan was holding onto.

“That’s all you ever do, Sludge!” said the one called Roger.

“Don’t antagonize him! If he goes, so do the rest of us!” said the one called Troy.

“He’s bluffing! He’s not gonna do it!”

“I will, too!” said Sludge.

Ryan had had enough. “Will you all SHUT UP!” The silence that pervaded was a definite welcome, but then, hoping to lighten the mood, he added, “Don’t make me come down there!”

It took a little while at first, but little by little, the message began to sink in, and then the laughter started. All nine boys hanging for their lives were laughing their heads off. Even Ryan managed a chuckle or two, despite the pain.

You gotta take ‘em when they come, I guess.

Moments later, Torsha arrived with some Air and Earth Elementals who very carefully helped the Reject Squad down one by one using their powers. About a half-dozen or so wind users found a way to create a steady stream of compressed air that literally allowed some of the members of the Reject Squad to float down to safety. After about half the kids were safe, the air users, being inexperienced Firsts, became exhausted. That’s when the five or so earth dudes came into play. Using the cliff’s edge to their advantage, they created step ladders out of the rocks jutting from the mountain to give the Reject Squad a makeshift ladder. Although, the last kid that Ryan was holding onto insisted on having them lower him down on a giant boulder that they kept suspended in midair. This only further slowed down the already lengthy process, much to Ryan’s dismay. Thankfully, as the weight was alleviated little by little, Ryan felt the strain to his crotch lessen significantly.

Torsha soon stood at Ryan’s side and spoke soothingly. Although, she was kind of talking to his butt since he was still suspended upside down while she stood above him. “You did very well, Ryan.”

“I don’t feel very well,” said Ryan with a touch of concern as a certain realization came to mind.

“What’s wrong? Can you move at all?”

“I already tried moving,” whimpered Ryan, still doing the splits in between the cliff walls. “I think my legs have fallen asleep.”

“Okay,” said Torsha, a touch of alarm coming to her voice. “Don’t panic. I’ll ... I’ll just hoist you up.”

“Take your time. No hurry here. Just staring down the edge of a cliff with a dead lower half.”

What followed was an awkward process as Torsha carefully reached past Ryan’s rump to grab hold of his dangling arms in an attempt to pull him out of his debacle. Ryan’s legs were pinched tightly between the two rocks as firm as concrete. When they finally gave way, he heard a very loud crack! from his joints as if something snapped.

As Ryan hoisted himself onto the ledge where Torsha was standing, she asked, “Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

“Some ice would be nice,” gasped Ryan as fresh tears came to his eyes from the pain. “Go to the glacier dome if you have to.”

A few moments of recuperation later, Ryan was in conference with the commanders of the Green Team. He was not sure what had happened while he was away, but for some reason, the commanders seemed a little more congenial towards him, and more than a little frightened of Torsha.

“Ryan. I think the members of the Green Team have something they would like to tell you,” said Torsha, eyeing the tanned boy menacingly who visibly flinched under her glare.

“We’re sorry for not listening to you, little scaly dude,” said the beachboy.

“Yeah,” started the big ginger haired boy. “Sorry for threatening to throw you off the cliff.”

“You didn’t threaten to throw me off the cliff,” observed Ryan.

“Oh! Well, sorry for thinking it, and for that other stuff too.”

“No problem,” replied Ryan hesitantly.

“Niceties aside,” interjected the girl with the freckly cheeks. “We should strategize our immediate course of action and figure out what to do with the prisoners.” The Reject Squad, who were sitting down surrounded by Green guards, looked around cautiously.

“Is she talking about us, Phil?” said the fainting one.

“Yes, Sludge,” answered Phil. “I do believe she’s talking about us.”

“I don’t think a girl has ever talked about me before,” said a blushing Reject Squad member.