Chapter 7

The sun shone brightly over Harburg, although it was accompanied by a stiff breeze out of the west. Work on the fortifications began, as it did every day, as soon as there was enough light to work. By the time Lord Erick had stirred from his bed and rung the bell to summon his breakfast, the streets were empty and the first timber wagon had already rolled out towards the forest for the loggers to begin filling.

Clarissa appeared instantly at the door to Erick’s chamber, bearing a tray with a platter covered with a silver lid.

“Good morning, your Lordship,” she said cheerily.

“Yes, yes, leave it there,” Erick yawned, waving towards the end of his bed. Clarissa took the lid, revealing a plate of leftover meats, and drew a carving knife from her belt, which she set down on the tray. “What’s the news?” he asked.

“The Queen’s emissaries have returned from their trip to visit the goblin horde,” she said. “They sent word this morning requesting an audience at your Lordship’s leisure.”

“Ah yes, very good. We will see them soon enough, yes.” He picked up a piece of meat and began eating it.

“Also, the chef and I have been experimenting with a new blend of rare herbs. Do let me know if you enjoy it.”

“Yes, delightful, yes,” he said, finishing the bite and picking another. “You may leave now.”

“Of course, your Lordship. Have a lovely morning.” She exited the room with a bow, closing the door behind her.

Erick shuffled slowly around the room, finishing his breakfast while he stared out the second-story window at the town beneath him and the villagers hard at work on his fortifications. Soon they’d have the outer walls complete, and that’s when construction on his keep would start in earnest. Visions of his barony danced in his head as he got dressed, eventually making his way down to the ground floor. As he approached the door to the court room, he heard a clamor from the other side. His herald, standing at the door, looked at him nervously.

“What the hell is going on in there?”

“Begging your pardon, Lord Erick,” the herald said, “but the Coopers seem to be having a bit of a spat this morning and they’d like you to see to it. I couldn’t get them to leave.”

“Always with the stupid problems, those two,” he sighed. “Fine, let’s deal with this.”

The herald opened the door for him, and Erick strode into the main hall of the building, sitting heavily in his chair. The two villagers barely stopped their argument to acknowledge the governor’s presence.

“What have you done now, Cooper?”

“I’ve done nothing! This cow thinks that I’m screwing around on her, and nothing could be further from the truth!”

“Don’t you lie to me! I saw you sitting with that hussy on your lap at the feast the other night!”

“That ‘hussy’ was your niece!”

“All the more reason you shouldn’t be diddling around with her!”

Erick tried to interrupt them, but neither of the Coopers paid him any attention.

“I wasn’t diddling with nobody!”

“What’re you doing with my niece on your lap then?”

“She came over to say hello.”

“She stuck her tongue down your throat!”

“Oo, she did not!”

Erick belched, surprising even himself. It was loud enough that it caught the attention of the Coopers, who stopped short and turned to look at the governor.

“Er, begging your pardon, your Lordship,” said the wife, “but are you feeling all right this morning?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine.”

“Well, it’s just, you look awfully green,” said the husband.

“Your concern is noted,” Erick said impatiently. “But I’m right as rain. Now what can—”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go fetch the doctor?”

“Don’t get the doctor, you stupid ass, get the priest!”

“We don’t have a priest any more!”

“Well go and get the witch then!”

“You go and get the witch!”

“Oo, or that handsome fellow that’s with her—”

“You keep your hands off him! He’s a paladin of the Queen’s Guard, he is!”

“Oh so now you’re all jealous!”

“Who’s jealous of who?!”

“I’ll throw you both in the stocks if you don’t SHUT UP!” yelled Erick.

“Oo, someone didn’t have his first cup of wine yet this morning.”

“Or his third.”

Both Coopers cracked up laughing. Erick nearly fell out of his chair fuming at the pair of them.

“Andrew! Get these two out of here!” he screamed.

From behind him, the herald mumbled something under his breath.

“What is it, man? Spit it out!”

“Uh, Andrew’s not here this morning, sir.”

“Well where is he?”

“He had a bit too much to drink last night. We, uh, had to put him in stocks to sober up.”

“How did he— oh, never mind,” Erick said. “Just get them out of my sight!”

“Well if your Lordship can’t see his way clear to help us, then we’ll just see ourselves out, won’t we?”

“Yes, we’ll go ask that nice witch to see if she can’t settle this for us.”

“Oo, never mind, here she is!”

Isobel paused, having come a few steps into the room, when the Coopers pointed at her. Immediately they rushed to her side, starting their argument up just as fiercely as they had before.

“Now Miss—”

“You listen here—”

“—she thinks—”

“—he’s been—”

“—she doesn’t—”

Isobel clapped her hands twice, causing a cloud of sparkling dust to surround all three of them. The Coopers, briefly stunned by the magical display, quieted down immediately.

“Now, what seems to be the issue here? You first, Mrs. Cooper.”

“He’s been screwing around behind my back.”

“And what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Cooper?”

“Ain’t done nothing of the sort, ma’am. Her niece came and gave me a nice kiss at the feast, and that’s that.”

“I see. Hold still, now.” Isobel laid her palm on top of his head and he stiffened up, his shoulders hunched up around his ears, his knees locked, and his eyes wide open. After a brief moment she released him, and he slumped back down.

“I believe your husband is telling the truth, Mrs. Cooper. He doesn’t seem to be engaging in any extramarital affairs, as far as I can tell.”

“Well ... okay then, I suppose. If you say so.”

“Phew! What a ride that is. Never had a witch inside my head like that before.”

“Pray that you never need one again, Mr. Cooper.”

“I will, ma’am. Thank you kindly.”

The Coopers headed towards the exit, arm in arm, while Isobel returned to her previous course and walked to the front of the room. Erick stared her down the whole way, still beet red with anger and clutching at the edge of his tunic with both hands.

The two locked eyes for a few moments while Isobel stood there in front of his dais, her usual inscrutable expression on her face.

“Well?!” Erick said.

“Well what, your Lordship?”

“You’re obviously here for a reason. If you’ve got something to say, say it, and then get out. I’m in no mood for trifles this morning, unless you’re planning to stick around and solve the rest of these idiots’ problems for me.”

“I merely came to present the results of our visit to the nearby goblin tribe, as your Lordship requested of us.”

“As I requested? As you demanded of me, more like!”

“If you do not wish to hear the bad news, I will happily return to—”

“The bad news?”

“Yes. Despite our best efforts, I am afraid that our negotiations were unsuccessful. The goblin tribe was unwilling to come to any acceptable terms such that we can guarantee the safety of the village.”

“Well of course, you fool! I told you negotiating with them was impossible! But you were gone for two entire days. How did you even surv—”

A villager burst through the front door, yelling at the top of his lungs. “Lord Erick! Lord Erick! The wall is collapsing!”

Erick growled and thrust his finger at Isobel. “You stay right there,” he said, rising from his chair. But as he stepped down from the dais to the floor, he suddenly doubled over and groaned.

“Are you all right, your Lordship?” Isobel asked.

“No I’m not all right, you ass!” he barked. “Herald! Get me a bucket! And go find Captain, uh, what’s-his-name!”

The herald’s eyes went wide and he scampered out of the room. Isobel went to Erick, drawing a rune in the air and resting her other hand on his back. He straightened up almost immediately, feeling the nausea drain away with the effects of the spell.

“Thank the Eight Gods,” he said. “That’s better. Now where the hell is the Captain of the Watch? And what’s going on out at the walls?”

“I do not know,” said Isobel. “The villager that delivered the news left as quickly as they came in.”

“Fine. We’ll go see to it ourselves then, yes.” He strode across the hall to the front door, throwing it open with a grunt. Isobel followed him outside, then stopped behind him as he suddenly vomited all over the ground in front of the chapel.

Erick looked accusingly at Isobel. “What in the Eleven Planes did you do to me back there?”

“The spell I cast merely removed the sensation of nausea. It did not affect whatever is upsetting your stomach. But you appear to have handled—”

Erick growled. “Damn you and your devil magic, anyway! Why do I even keep you around if you’re not going to help me?”

“Technically your Lordship does not keep me at all. I am merely here to represent—”

“Yes! The Queen! Fine! Whatever!” He stormed off towards the construction area at the edge of town. A crowd of laborers had gathered around the site where one of the sections of wall had fallen down and were milling about, anxiously chattering about it and speculating as to the cause.

“—fell down like an old barn—”

“—must have been the goblins—”

“—almost landed on poor Johnson—”

“—never did like that Captain—”

“SILENCE!” Erick roared. “Who’s in charge here?”

All eyes turned to one of the militia captains, standing nearby with an awkwardly-sized helmet that made him unrecognizable and armor that barely fit him.

“Y-yes, your Lordship?” he said nervously, his voice echoing inside the cavernous helmet.

“Do you have any idea what happened here?”

“Uh, well, sir, there seems—”

The entire crowd of laborers exploded into chatter again, producing an unintelligible cacophony of noise as everyone espoused their own theory on why the wall came down and what went wrong in the first place.

“In the name of the Twelve Ancestors! Will! You! All! SHUT! UP!”

An uneasy hush fell over the crowd.

“You,” he said, pointing at the captain, “will get this wall section put back up by the end of the day, or I’ll take that whip from your belt and beat you with it myself. And that goes for the rest of you! Put it back up, and so help me, if it comes down again it had better be covered in your blood!”

Erick turned on his heel and strode away quickly. The guard captain turned pale, but turned fearfully towards the crowd, attempting to encourage them to get back to work.

Isobel caught up to Erick a few feet away. “That seemed unnecessary,” she offered.

“What was unnecessary about it?” Erick snapped. “How hard is it to put up a damn wall that will stay standing, and not fall on their idiot heads the next day? All it has to do is keep out a bunch of goblin weaklings! And those stupid militia captains aren’t any better. I don’t know why I bothered appointing them in the first place if they’re just going to stand around and not be in charge of anything.”

Samuel met them outside the door to the chapel as they returned. “Where have you all been?” he asked.

“There were some difficulties with the new town walls,” said Isobel.

Erick, still fuming, was more direct. “Difficulties! This whole town is full of imbeciles!” he barked. “I don’t even know—”

“Perhaps we should take this inside,” said Samuel.

“Yes, yes, fine, inside.”

No sooner had the door closed behind them that Erick launched right back into his tirade. “Why do I even bother with these idiots? If it’s not their petty domestic squabbles, it’s a bunch of incompetent labor driven by useless captains. Never mind that idiot cook of mine and his ‘fancy new herbs’ or whatever that nonsense was.”

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings—”

“Oh, by the Nine Hells, not you, too. What could you possibly have to say to me?”

Samuel paused for emphasis. “Erick of Harburg, in the name of the Queen, I place you under arrest.”