The Golden Ticket

James was staring at the djinn and laughed.

“And I’m your favorite turd?”

“Yes.”

“Should I be insulted?”

The djinn laughed. “Take it how you want.”

James smiled.

“You’re taking this in stride,” the djinn noted dryly.

James shrugged. “I’ve never talked to a djinn before, should I be worried or something?”

“What do you mean?”

“I remember seeing a film a while back, called ‘WishMaster.’ It was an ancient flick from the eighties, but the basic premise of it was that people made wishes, and the genie...”

The being narrowed his eyes, “Ahem.”

“The djinn...,” James amended with air quotes.

“That’s better.”

James chuckled and continued, “ ... Would cast the wishes but every time he did there would be a horrific outcome for the person or the people he cast the wishes on.”

“Ah yes, some ‘djinn’ do that,” he said, glaring at James. “Out of spite and anger, others from boredom. But I’m not like that.”

“You’re not? How do I know that?”

“All slaves of the lamp must tell the truth.” The Djinni said, “Furthermore, pain and fear are not my thing.”

James nodded but frowned.

“What?”

“How do I know you are telling the truth about telling the truth?”

The being stared at James for several seconds, before frowning as well, “I guess you don’t, I guess you’re going to have to take my word for it.”

“Or.”

“Or what?”

“We make a deal, or we go back to the whole WishMaster thing.”

“What sort of deal do you want to make?”

“Nothing that would affect my soul,” James responded quickly.

“It’s not enough that I’ve stated that I wouldn’t do anything like that?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Well, what would you suggest then?”

James mused for a full second, “How about a quid pro quo arrangement?”

“What do you mean?”

“You scratch my back, I scratch yours?”

“You don’t have anything you can offer me, James,” Djinni answered honestly.

“Yes and no,” was James’ response, causing the being to pause and ask.

“What do you mean?”

“I have the five wishes?”

“No mortal would sacrifice a wish on a servant,” Djinni waved it off.

“As you already pointed out, I’m not your typical mortal,” he countered. “And I think that I can limit my wishes to four.

Djinni wondered why James was being so stubborn on this; “Really?”

“Four of them I can use,” James shrugged.

“And the fifth?”

“I could use it to set you free!” James said, noting the look of surprise on the being’s face “While still tying in it that I keep my gifts.”

So it wasn’t an entirely selfless act, admittedly.

Djinni nodded his head and mused, “Okay I like your reasoning, I thought you couldn’t be bothered with bartering today?”

“You heard that?”

“As soon as you touched the lamp, we bonded.” James blushed and the djinni laughed, “When you rubbed the lamp and made contact in a specific way, we became interconnected. Through that and the magic of the lamp, I was able to learn everything about you and your language so we could communicate.”

“Oh.” James smiled and nodded. “Okay, so you know me, but I don’t know you or even your name.”

“True,” the Magical being nodded. “And I could tell you my name, but I doubt you’d be able to pronounce it.”

“Try me?”

The being did and what James heard sounded nothing like any language that he’d heard. He blinked, tried, and tried again, only to get a chuckle from the djinn.

James lifted his hands in mock surrender, “Okay, can I give you a nickname instead?”

“As long as it’s not Bob.”

Oddly thinking of Terminator Two and ‘Uncle Bob,’ James chuckled, “Damn that was my go-to choice.”

“Ass.”

“Alright, how about “Gin?”

“Like Gin and Tonic?”

“Aye,” James nodded.

“Okay, I like it, it works as an identifier and one you can pronounce.”

“True enough,” James mused. “So what are your thoughts?”

“I can help you out, I guess. I’m bored and have not been awakened by anyone in a thousand years.”

“I guess this is my Golden Ticket,” James mused.

Gin blinked, “I’m not familiar with that term. I know about you from our connection, but I do not know your world.”

“Ah it’s a movie reference,” James shrugged. “In an Arnie movie, the kid gets a golden ticket and is sucked into the movie-verse where shenanigans happen.”

“Okay, hold on.” Gin’s eyes closed for a moment, his eyes fluttering as though he were accessing something, and they blinked open. “That works.”

“What does?”

“I just accessed the internet and spent time looking up what I needed in order to help you out,” Gin grinned.

“How?”

“Magic,” he winked.

“And you accessed everything through the web?”

“Yes.”

“In seconds?”

Gin shrugged, “Everything is relative James.”

“True,” James grinned.

“So the Magic Ticket reference is like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”

“Oh snap,” James nodded. “Yes - god that’s an ancient movie.”

“Indeed, but I get your intent, yes essentially.”

“How many times has it been rebooted?” James asked rhetorically with a laugh.

“Rebooting seems to be Hollywood’s go to when they run out of ideas,” Gin shrugged. “Spiderman’s been rebooted what?”

“29 times,” Kate answered.

“Thanks,” Gin nodded. “Now that we’ve got the basics covered, you can go ahead and make your wishes.”

“Yes and if this is a dream, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Gin, held up a blunt finger and waved it around the room, “In your case, you really don’t have much to lose, right?”

“Exactly.”

Gin nodded. “Do you have something in mind?”

“First I need to decide what I am going to use my wishes for and only once I am happy will I use them. I don’t want to use one and then realize I could have had a V8,” James stated. “So, what do most people wish for?”

Gin looked at him and shook his head. “I only know what I have granted people. Compared to their world, this world is magic. But the basics are timeless – youth, money, sex, and power. Sometimes they are happy, and sometimes they aren’t.”

James laughed, “I know a lot of people who are never happy, no matter what they have - it’s never enough.”

“Exactly!” Gin stated. “And since it is personal, I can’t give any suggestions. All I can do is point out pitfalls and offer alternatives for your consideration. But you’re the first person who is planning rather than immediately barking out their requests.”

“And that leads me to point number one.”

“Which is?”

“Youth,” James mused, “What exactly would be the point of that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well my family is all old and or dying,” James shrugged. “And I’d have to start again, not to mention explain to the authorities about how I suddenly became young, or I’d have create an entirely new persona and that really does sound like effort.”

“True,” Gin nodded.

“And besides, like they say: You wait till halftime before you start making adjustments; it’s too fucking late...”

The being snorted, “So start again.”

“What?”

The Gin shrugged, “That’s what I recommend.”

“What you’re suggesting sounds like a do-over?”

“Yes, a Mulligan.”

“If I ever write a book,” James said wistfully. “I’d call it, ‘James’ Mulligan’.”

“Nice, but yes,” Gin nodded. “There are more ways than one to restore your youth, why does it have to be here and now?”

“So I do a hard reboot?”

“Yes,” Gin nodded.

“But what’s the point if I fall into the same pattern of behavior?”

“I told you earlier that I cannot dictate to you how to do these wishes James,” Gin shrugged. “But, were it me, hindsight is a wonderful thing.”

“Ah - If I knew then what I know now I could make c-c-changes?” James said in a sing-song voice with a nod of his head. “So when I go back in time, I make sure to wish that I know everything that I know now with the benefit of hindsight I can stop myself from falling into the same pattern as I did before.”

“Exactly,” Gin nodded.

“But then we move to the second problem.”

“Which is?”

“How am I going to remember that all?”

“You can’t,” Gin shrugged, “Unless you wish for it.”

“So that could be the first wish, memory.”

“Up to you, but that’s what I’d do.”

“Hm, sounds like a plan,” James said. The cogs were starting to whirl in his mind as he felt the plan formulating. “Wishmaster, Monkey Paw.”

“What?”

“Monkey Paw.”

“We already covered this,” Gin said exasperated.

“True,” James nodded “But If I make a wish to remember all things at once, my mind would be overwhelmed.”

“Yes.”

“So I need to design the wish, very carefully.”

“Yes.”

“A joke?”

Gin smiled, “Yes.”

‘One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a toy piano. Stunned, the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing person. The bartender replied that inside the closet there is a genie that will grant him a single wish. The man dashed into the closet and as the bartender said, there was a genie inside, and without hesitation, the man wished for a million bucks, but instead, one million ducks instantly appeared. Infuriated the man stormed to the bartender and screamed.

“I think your genie is hard of hearing, I asked for a million bucks but instead I got a million ducks.”

The bartender shook his head and replied, “You’re telling me! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?”’

The Djinni stared at James, blinked, and started laughing.

“I understand,” the Djinni nodded his head and mused. “It’s all about the wording.”

“Wording?”

Djinni nodded his head, “When you make the wish, the request must be done in such a way so it cannot be interpreted any other way.

“So it’s sort of like grammar, lets eat grandpa, compared to let’s eat, grandpa.”

“Exactly,” Gin nodded seeing that James was starting to understand.

“So it might be wise that for my first wish at least, I write everything down,” James looked up at Gin finally.

“If that makes it easier for you, certainly.”

James inclined his head and went to get up but Gin flicked his fingers and a pad of lined paper and a pencil appeared on his lap, causing James to laugh.

“What?”

“Convenient.”

“Indeed,” Gin rumbled.

“A name pops to mind.”

“Do tell?”

“Eddie Morra.”

“Ah,” Gin nodded. “Limitless, Eddie finds a drug that gives him unlimited cognitive abilities.”

“Yes.”

“You want to be like Eddie Morra, but without any of the negative side effects.”

James snapped his fingers. “Exactly.”

“So with this in mind, I would be able to think ahead, long term but also think outside the box. While having the ability to remember everything whenever I want, but as we discussed earlier, is there a more efficient way of doing this?

Gin smiled, that was actually quite a good question: as if he were so inclined, he could allow James to make the wish, and then James would have all of his memories, everything, flooding his mind all at once. But he decided that he liked James, so he would help him as best he could.

“The best way to have this ability is to create a memory palace.”

“Memory palace?”

“Yes.”

“I remember hearing about that, Sherlock used it, you go inside your own mind and you can literally relieve any memory you want, hell he was even able to use it to create his own constructs,” James said. “Like when he was able to use all of his knowledge to create a life in the past.”