Chapter 14

Looking back it was definitely for the best that Andrew did not have a lot of time to overthink this meeting. As it was it was still awkward at the beginning. Surprisingly it was Mrs. Campbell who broke through the painful small talk.

“I asked Leslie to bring you here today Andrew. The last two years have been tough and the last two months have been the worst of my life. I have had to keep you at a distance until now as everything was too raw, it was too soon. I know that Leslie has talked with you and I know that you yourself have worked several times to minimise contact out of concern for our feelings.”

The unshed tears were bright in her eyes.

“I hated you Andrew.”

There was a gasp from Leslie but Mrs. Campbell carried on.

“Not you personally but what you represented. Reprieve. Remission. Life. Everything that Faith never got. I saw how animated Faith was once she was in the Infirmary. She had been listless and scared for more than a year. We all saw the difference that you made in her life and I hope that she made in yours. Leslie has told us about the conversations that you and she had about death. All three of us were unable to talk to her about it, for lots of different reasons. You talked to her when no one else would. Leslie only picked up little pieces because she too was in denial about the possibility and refused to talk about it. Most of what we know is from the session with the counsellor that Leslie has told us about. Could I ask something of you please?”

She stared at him with a look of terrible need. He nodded and she carried on.

“Will you tell us about everything that you and Faith talked about please? We all know this will make us weep and for Brian and me it will be very painful but it will also be healing for us. In some ways you were closer to her in the last two months of her life than we were. Helen thinks that Brian and I need to hear this and that it will help us find some peace.”

At this she stopped. Andrew looked round at Mr. Campbell and at Leslie. Leslie smiled back at him and her father nodded in encouragement and so Andrew sat back and started talking.

It went so long that he had to interrupt and call his mum and let her know that everything was all right but that he would be home later. Andrew ended up talking for more than three hours. He talked about meeting Faith, his shyness, the kindness that she and Leslie showed to him. This brought smiles from Brian and Mary. Since they wanted everything he talked with them about the conversations that he and Faith had about death. Most of this detail Leslie had never heard and all three of them sat in rapt attention as Andrew went through everything they had discussed. How they both were being denied a discussion about their possible deaths. Faith had been more aware when they were admitted that this was her last chance. Andrew had come to realise that if his cancer spread to his organs that it was also very likely to be terminal. The longest single discussion was regarding Fate or the Fates. This was their ultimate fear, they were fated to die. Andrew looked the Campbells in the face and told them that was Faith’s fate. He knew that Greek mythology is a myth, it is right there in the title, but he explained how it resonated with them both. Once they had spent time talking about this concept between them, they both calmed down. They remained positive and upbeat, committed to fighting the cancer and beating it but also no longer agonising over it. This is when the discussion with her parents turned positive. Andrew spent the next hour talking about the time that Faith and Leslie spent getting to know him. He talked about how it was Faith’s insights that really drove some of the changes in his outlook and in his life.

“They gave me confidence. Leslie spent an enormous amount of time with Faith and me. All the talking about a life plan and figuring out and agreeing the goals. It distracted all three of us. That I am the recipient of such kindness is something I will never forget.”

Trying to lighten the tone he recounted the bed bath stories and for the first time Faith’s parents laughed out loud. Leslie then took it a step further and recounted how she embarrassed Faith about her dreams that night. They all enjoyed those happy memories for a few minutes. Then he continued his tale and they came to the final two or three weeks. The last week Andrew was in the hospital after his chemo ended and started to show an improvement almost immediately and how Faith had started her deterioration.

“What you need to understand is the closeness of the connection that I felt to both of your daughters. I will use the words that I used to Helen last month. I changed. It is probably inevitable that I would. I don’t know what caused the change. Having cancer, surviving cancer, seeing others die of cancer. But I do know that I will forever associate the change in my life with Faith and Leslie. They made me want to be a better person. They believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. They gave me confidence, a plan. I was not going to slink off into the night with my good news leaving them alone. So I held Leslie when she needed someone to unburden herself to the morning you found out the terrible news. When she called and said Faith wanted to see me the following week I could not and would not abandon her. Monday was difficult, Wednesday was heartbreaking. I have never said goodbye to someone before.”

Andrew stopped for a few minutes while they all regained their composure. The pile of damp Kleenexes was growing ever larger.

“The last thing I would like to tell you is about her last weekend. You know what it was like. It was the most awful thing I have seen and I fervently hope that I never see anything like that ever again. As I said to Helen, I don’t know what drew me there. I knew she would be sedated and that she would not know that I was there. I wanted to see her, I wanted her to know that I cared. Not just her family cared about her. Her life had meaning. She had made a positive impact in the short time she was with us. The reality of a human being less than 36 hours from death from cancer is ghastly. The cancer was torturing her.”

Andrew could feel his blood pressure rising. He was getting angry again.

“It was pitiful and terrible and I hated what cancer was doing to her 100 fold more than I hated my own cancer.”

He sniffed and looked at them both and held their eyes.

“I wanted to kill her right then. The kind thing to do would have been to take her pillow and smother her and end her suffering. We don’t treat animals that way but we let humans suffer through that. I didn’t, but it crossed my mind.”

He was finally done. Andrew sat back and took a sip of very cold tea. Mr. Campbell came to him, pulled him up and gave him a crushing hug.

“Thank you for that story. It cannot have been easy to go back through some of those details. And on Saturday morning less than an hour after you left I wanted to do the same thing for my little girl.”

Andrew could feel Mr. Campbell’s tears on his neck as he held him in a hug. Finally he let go but it was only to be replaced by Mrs. Campbell. She was silent but it was a hug that said so much. Everyone took a moment to recover and Leslie came through with some fresh tea. It was after 7.30 and Andrew still had not eaten. Leslie asked if he was hungry and he shyly nodded. This spurred everyone into action and within 20 minutes all four of them were sitting down to an omelette dinner. They ate in companionable silence but once they were finished Mrs. Campbell came back to his tale.

“We laughed for the first time since Faith died today. Thank you for sharing everything that our girls did with you and for you. The connection between the three of you was strong. The shared adversity you and Faith were facing brought you together in a way that is not normally possible. Helen Graham said that meeting and talking to you would be good for Brian and me. In fact she said it was necessary for us to move on with our lives. Clearly that woman is good at her job! I do have a question for you Andrew. I am putting you on the spot and for that I apologise but can you explain your relationship with Leslie?”

Here Leslie shrieked at her mother.

“Mum, bloody hell, what are you doing? You can’t spring that on him.”

Andrew smiled at her.

“It is okay. From the outside it does not make much sense, does it? You are more than four years older than me. Faith is not with us anymore and I think most people expected us to start to drift apart.”

Looking at Mrs. Campbell he carried on.

“The best I can describe it is that Leslie is the big sister I don’t have. She listens. She is kind. I care about her. She is my closest friend. I can tell her things, ask her things I can ask no one else. I am grateful she puts up with this scrawny runt.”

He smiled over at Leslie. Fresh tears were in her eyes. Wiping them away with the back of her hand Leslie looked over at Andrew before facing her mum.

“We will talk about this later.”

She said in a voice that gave no doubt about how upset she was to be discussing this.

“Since Andrew has been honest, as usual, I will give you my perspective. Just as I am like his big sister, he is like my little brother. And he is not a replacement for Faith. They are separate and different in my mind.”

She was silent for more than ten seconds but then she squared her shoulders and looked at both her parents.

“One of the very few conversations that we have not talked about is the very last one between Faith and Andrew. She asked us both to promise something and we both agreed. The reason that we have remained in touch and our relationship has deepened is because we are always going to be friends. Faith asked Andrew to live his life to the absolute maximum because now he was living two lives. Faith asked Andrew to live life for her as well.”

The Campbells were sitting absolutely riveted by the story.

“I promised her I would help. What Andrew has also conveniently forgotten to mention is that he is a genius, a one in thirty thousand genius. He is also shy, nerdy, and not confident around women, doesn’t have any friends and is recovering from cancer. I think I can help him overcome some of these challenges. Oh, and as you can see he blushes at the drop of a hat.”

Which just made Andrew’s blush worse! He wanted to say something, anything, he wanted the floor to open and swallow him up. But no, he was still sitting there in the Campbell’s dining room, pinned like a butterfly to a board. Suddenly Mr. Campbell laughed.

“I really don’t know my children. I think we have put you through the wringer enough today. Leslie will run you home and I am sure on the journey will berate her parents to you. Thank you for coming to see us today. It was overdue and yet at the same time it was not. We all knew there had to be some space and separation. I know that Leslie goes over to your house every other Sunday for dinner. You are welcome here on the alternate weekends.”

Brian Campbell shook his head.

“The three people that dealt with this the best were the two of you and Faith. I have a lot to think about.”

With that he shook Andrew’s hand, who got a hug from Mrs. Campbell and finally managed to escape. The Campbells were not wrong about Leslie’s reaction in the car but Andrew just put his hand on hers and stopped the diatribe.

“Relax. It is better for it to be said out loud. Our parents should know the basis for our relationship. On the surface it makes no sense. We don’t know what it is going to be like going forward. Once I am back at school, once you start college. You could be married or be a mother before I have even left school.”

He held up his hand to stop her spluttered denials.

“I know it is unlikely but anything could happen.”

Andrew got home and a wave of tiredness hit him. He hadn’t realised how much retelling the tale had taken out of him, so was in bed early that night and slept very soundly.

The rest of the term went by quickly. Andrew sat all his exams and for the most part it was straightforward. HIs confidence coming out of the exams was in direct correlation to his enjoyment of the subject. Maths, Physics, History and Chemistry were fine, Geography went well and he thought he did okay in English and Biology. As usual, Latin was the exam he was least confident in. The Chemistry experiments were good but one of them did not go as planned. It was still good but Andrew kicked myself for not getting them all perfect. Physics was easy on the Sunday morning and Biology was okay. He was just not into dissection and stuff like that, so although the experiments went okay he didn’t enjoy it.

And with that Andrew was caught up with his peers. When term started in three weeks’ time he would be back in class. He was excited at the prospect but also nervous as to how he would be treated.

Andrew also had studied hard and had written lots of programs and routines and now finally had a chance to compile them and see if they worked. While he had been in the office sitting all his end of term exams he had asked if he could get access to the school during the vacation. After he sat his Physics exam he asked the head of department if he could use the Apple II they had over the Easter Break. Andrew explained that he had written a number of programs but that, as yet, did not have a micro-computer at home. It was agreed that he could use the computer every morning during the school holiday. This was fantastic news. The final week of school Andrew put in long hours working on additional programs.

It was Friday March 30, 1979. It had been ten weeks since he had been released from hospital, and nine weeks since he had been given the all clear, the start of his daily exercise routine. Andrew swam with Leslie that morning then they sat in the cafeteria at the pool and talked about the last two months.

Leslie had initially only been coming to the pool two days a week but by the end of March, like him, she was there every morning at 8.00. She had found a job working retail and normally rushed off to work after her swim. She was on the late shift that day so they had time to sit and chat. As always it seemed, she wanted to talk about him but Andrew turned it round and they talked about how she was first.

“Life is starting to return to normal Andrew. I like the routine that I have got into. Getting up every morning and swimming has definitely helped my energy level. I have a little bit of money from working and I am starting to hang out with some people my own age. The pain of Faith’s death is still there and at times is incredibly raw but each day is a little easier than the last. It helps that my parents are starting to recover as well. You will see it on Sunday. There is a noticeable difference in them even from two weeks ago. How are you doing?”

“Some things are going really well and others are not happening at all, but you know this. I received my marks back yesterday, Dad collected them on the way home, and I did really well. The teachers are all very pleased with my performance and nobody has any academic concerns regarding me returning to class. I will sit with my form teacher on the first day of school and go through everything but this year should be a breeze. You know that I have access to a computer at school each morning of the holidays. 9.00 until 12 noon. I was wondering if you could do me a favour. Do you think you could drive me here each morning? Dad is off and I know he will not get up early on his Easter break to run me down here. I would like to be here at 7.30 so that I am up to the school for 9.00 sharp.”

His dad was a teacher but not at Heriot’s. Leslie laughed.

“Sure. 7.30 works better for me anyway. It means I won’t be so rushed to get to work after swimming. I will collect you at 7.00 at your house on Monday.”

“Thank you. So school and computing are going great. I am eating very healthily and am eating a lot actually. I have lentil soup with every meal when I am at home. Hell, I have never been so regular in my life!”

He laughed and Leslie smiled back at him.

“Exercise is becoming fun. I have not missed a day in nine weeks. When I started I was 88lbs and was unable to swim a length without a float and I couldn’t do a push up. I am now at 106lbs and my fitness is vastly different. I am at 50 sit ups and 20 push ups every morning. I have been at this level for the last two weeks. I am going to keep it at this level through the holiday and then when school starts I am going to gradually increase it. My goal by the end of the school year is 100 and 50 respectively. This week for the first time I have started jogging on my walks round the block. I had been up to 5 times round the block in 30 minutes and so now I am jogging one of the legs of the trip round the block and I have managed six times this week. My goal by the end of June is to be able to jog for the whole 30 minutes. You have seen the improvement in my swimming. I can swim for 1600m now in my hour. 800 each of front and back stroke and with only short break half way through each.