Chapter 13

When Leslie called on Sunday evening she was pleased that his parents had agreed to him seeing the grief counsellor with her. She would collect Andrew after swimming on Tuesday and drop him off at home after the appointment. It was a shorter call then previously as what more could be asked or talked about? The Campbells needed time and space to grieve. Tuesday after his swim Leslie was waiting for Andrew in the pool car park as normal.

“Thank you for coming Andrew. How was your swim this morning?”

“A bit of a struggle to be honest. I have been getting back into swimming doing the backstroke and had managed 600m at the end of last week – 12 lengths on the pool. The guard who has been helping me told me to take it easy at the beginning, not go too hard. The way he was discreet yet also pointed let me know that he had seen other people in my situation before and so I am taking him at his word. Yesterday I started front crawl for the first time in more than two years. It was hilariously bad. I am back to the float again working on my leg kick. It was slightly better today but not much. The good thing is that the pool is very quiet at 8.00 so I can improve without too many witnesses. I feel different muscles are aching this week than last week. It is good. Good practice in perseverance and not giving up.”

He smiled at her as he said this.

“Good.”

“How should I handle this morning? Are we going in together? Do you want some time alone first? Or after? Let me know. I brought some reading with me if I need to wait outside.”

“Organised and sweet as ever.”

Leslie said, causing him to inevitably blush.

“I don’t really know how it’s going to go. We will go in together and listen and talk to her and see what happens. One or both of us may cry and we should be ready for that. I am going to let her lead the conversation today.”

They stopped at a traffic light and Leslie looked over at him.

“I am feeling better about attending this with you than I was going on my own. You are a welcome presence, remember that.”

They drove in silence for the rest of the way. At two minutes to ten they were at the counsellor’s reception. Andrew had barely sat down in the waiting room when a tall striking woman came into the room and asked them to follow her. He looked at Leslie and raised an eyebrow. Leslie understood he was asking if this was the counsellor and nodded her head.

Her office was unmemorable, even bland. Later he had no recollection of anything to do with the surroundings. There was a couch and several easy chairs, one of which was clearly hers as there was a file lying on a table beside it. He and Leslie looked at each other wondering where to sit but she directed them to the couch. Helen Graham had a presence about her. She was nearly six feet tall with greying blond hair. As Andrew looked at her he sensed a sharp mind but she had kind eyes. His natural shyness around strangers and especially women asserted itself and he sat quietly at one end of the couch without making further eye contact.

“Welcome Andrew. Thank you for agreeing to attend this session with Leslie. I think it will be a productive session for you both.”

He mumbled a response and sat tensely waiting for the questions to begin. Andrew felt himself getting nervous about the process all of a sudden.

“Leslie, how are feeling today?”

Helen started the questions.

“How was Friday and the days after?”

And they were off. Andrew relaxed a little bit as Leslie talked about the funeral and how her parents had been over the weekend. Helen gently probed about how she was feeling, moments of sadness, how she was coping. Things like that. Andrew had relaxed more and at one point Leslie started to tear up and he instinctively reached out and took her hand and squeezed it. Then things got weird in a hurry. Leslie looked round and smiled at him and calmed down again. Helen however, made several notes on her pad which made Andrew nervous. He tried to let go of Leslie’s hand but she was having none of it. Then it was his turn under the microscope.

“Andrew, when Leslie and I spoke last week we had an interesting conversation. Part of dealing with grief is remembering good memories of the person who has passed away. What I found interesting was that Leslie talked about you in that regard. The last two years have been tough for her and when I asked about good or positive memories about Faith she reminisced about your time in hospital. I was surprised and asked Leslie why she chose those memories. I understand that you had a hugely positive impact on both Faith and Leslie. What amazed me, and in all my years of counselling I have never heard of a similar circumstance, is when you went back to the hospital after you were released. Even more unheard of is that you went back after Faith was told her cancer was terminal. I understand from Leslie that the end was very fast. Faith passed away less than ten days after her diagnosis. You also visited Faith at the hospice the day before she passed away. I would like to talk to you about the connection you had with Faith and the continued connection you have with Leslie. I am given to understand that you had never met them before you were placed in the adjacent bed while you were undergoing chemotherapy. Is that right?”

Andrew nodded. She carried on.

“Is there anything that you can share with us today? I have to say that you are an unusual young man. In my experience behaviour such as yours is not typical.”

Here she stopped and looked at him expectantly. Andrew looked over at Leslie and she just smiled encouragement. Slowly at first, he talked about his time with Faith and Leslie. It was disjointed and all over the place but neither Helen nor Leslie said anything.

“Where Faith and I really bonded is when we talked about dying.”

Andrew could sense Leslie tense beside him.

“We were both on our last chance. I had skin cancer across my lower back. My oncologist was concerned about it spreading to other organs. Nobody would talk to us about our fears. So we were able to talk to each other openly about what we were facing. We both treated the other as an adult. I am only 13 and Faith was only 15 when we started to talk. Once we had talked about death so openly to each other then the rest of the topics seemed easier. Not easy but easier. One of things that happened is that Faith and Leslie talked with me about my life. They now know pretty well everything about my life. The good, all the bad, all the problems, everything. They invested a lot of time talking to me about my future. Even at a time when I didn’t even know if I had a future. Partially this was done as an exercise to distract all three of us from the reality we were all faced with. The thing is the life plan we talked about and the goals that we all agreed for me are realistic, achievable and thorough. They worked on my focus and my confidence. They also highlighted the areas where I was being immature and selfish. They challenged me to be a better person. I have spent all this time giving you the background but the short answer is I want to be a better person. The people who challenged me to be that person were Faith and her sister. When I received the all clear and Faith received her news it was an immediate opportunity for me to see if I could live up to the goal of being the person they thought I could be. That is the key thing. Faith and Leslie changed me. Maybe surviving cancer changed me. Maybe having cancer changed me. How or whenever the change occurred I have changed. The fact that Faith faded so fast at the end just means it is more obvious. Some of it I cannot explain. The hospice visit is the one thing that I cannot really explain. I knew that Faith was dying and that she would be sedated.”

Andrew squeezed Leslie’s hand as he was talking.

“I asked my mother to take me and to take me at a time when there would be no other visitors. I don’t know why or who it was for.”

He stopped at this point and looked over at Helen. She looked at him with interest.

“That is a very intense connection in such a short time. Did you look on Faith and Leslie as a kind of family? Do you share more with them than you share with your own family?”

Shit, she was good. Nailed first time.

“I am not particularly close to my family, especially my own little sister. There is a lot of talking and not a lot of listening at home. Faith and Leslie listened to me, understood me and helped me figure a lot out. They gave to me. They built up my confidence and definitely helped me mature significantly. I am grateful for all they did. That debt of gratitude is definitely driving some but not all of my behaviour. What I am giving back to the Campbell family now is but a fraction of what I feel I received from Faith and Leslie when I was in hospital.”

Helen started to nod with understanding. The rest of the time on the session went by quickly as she talked to Leslie about further follow up sessions. Then it was time to wrap up.

“The two of you have become your own support network. You have recent and positive experiences about each other and about Faith. You are remembering the positive and are facing the future. It is very healthy. There will be down days but with the support of each other I think you will be able to navigate them successfully. It really is remarkable how the two of you have bonded over the loss of the third member of your group. Both of you can come back and see me either together or separately in a couple of weeks. Andrew, can you give me five minutes with Leslie alone please?”

Andrew sat in reception and waited for Leslie to be finished and then they walked out to her car.