Chapter 20

The long trip back to Westville was over. Jon experienced a sense of relief at being back home, and when he booked into a familiar hotel, a number of people seemed utterly shocked to see him. His heart was racing at the thought of seeing Claudette again after all this time. He bathed to get all the grime from the long travels from his body, and shakily put on his light brown trousers and pale blue shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror as he shaved, wondering how today would go. He couldn’t give up now. He would tell her how he felt. If she didn’t return his affections, he would still have no regrets.

A while later he was in a carriage on his way to Batten estate – he couldn’t imagine that she’d still be residing at Carlisle estate after the entire ordeal. She would have gone back to her father.

A thought which he hadn’t even considered entered his mind:

What if she’s married? It’s been years. She may have moved on already.

It was a chance he was willing to take as the mansion came into view. It felt so familiar – he was coming back home.

He flew out of the carriage, running up the stairs, slamming on the large doors with his fists. Jenkins opened the doors, looking very agitated, but his expression changed to one of shock and amazement at the sight of Jon. Suddenly Jenkins grabbed Jon into a friendly embrace and Jon simply smiled at the warm welcome.

Before he could ask for the lady of the house, bracing himself for the possibility that she may not even be there; Claudette walked down the stairs, cursing whomever was making such a noise.

“Damn it Jenkins! Who in bloody hell is making such a noise?” she shouted.

Jon’s heart leapt at the sight of her. He couldn’t help smiling – she was just as beautiful as he remembered, even more so if that were possible. She was wearing the beautiful green gown that brought out her eyes, those eyes he had come to see. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him.

They stared at each other for a mere moment for Jon couldn’t help himself – he ran across the room to her. They stood there, close enough to touch, and Jon wasn’t sure how to begin. The incredible speech he wanted to give, now forgotten.

She seemed completely awestruck, as though she believed she were dreaming. She kept looking into his deep bright blue eyes, but as he was about to speak, she slapped him hard across the face, and then turned to walk back up the stairs.

The shock was flowing through his entire body. He called after her, “Detty, please...”

She stopped again, and looked down at him with an incredible rage in those beautiful eyes of hers.

“Don’t you ever call me that again. Get out of my house, and never come back.”

Jon stood there, watching her run up the rest of the stairs, unaware of the servants now watching the entire situation unfold.

Jon had to fight for her. He was no longer the cowardly young man he was those years ago. Jon ran up the stairs and beat loudly against her bedroom door with his fists, shouting her name.

There was no answer and the door was locked from the inside.

Jon realized that the shock may have been a bit too much for her. Perhaps now was not the best time to speak to her. She was too stubborn – she wouldn’t hear him out.

But what had caused this reaction? Surely she couldn’t be this upset.

He turned around to leave the mansion, utterly gutted. He walked out slowly, not bothering to listen to any of Jenkins’ words. He had never felt worse. He had thought that she would have at least listened to what he had to say, but all he could see in her was contempt. He couldn’t understand it, but in some way, he knew he deserved it. She probably blamed him for it all.

Jenkins cleared his throat behind him again.

“Jenkins, I don’t want to hear it, please.”

“Jon, there is something you must know.”

“What is it?” Jon said, barely listening.

“I do not wish to speak out of turn, but I feel it is my duty. Lady Batt ... Lady Carlisle, excuse me, suffered a dreadful trauma almost three years ago.”

“Yes Jenkins, I know he left her.”

“Uh, no. That’s not what I’m referring to...”

Jon looked up at the servant, confused now.

“She was with child when that bru ... Uh, when Lord Carlisle left. He didn’t know. Well, uh, the child was, unfortunately, stillborn.”

Jon was shocked.

How could this be? How could one woman suffer such trauma as Claudette had? She was so radiant, so full of life ... How could life have dealt her such a hand?

“So please, do not see too much in her misplaced anger. She has been through too much at such a young age. That is all I wanted to say...”

Jon felt his entire life had been turned upside down in such a short span of time. He felt that familiar ache in his heart. It was throbbing now, threatening to overwhelm him. He needed to be there for her. She needed him to be there for her. They loved each other, he just knew it.

And if she loved him, he knew exactly where she would be.

Claudette slammed the door to her bed chamber closed behind her. She refused to cry, but the tears rolled down her cheeks anyway. Why she had slapped him so, she didn’t know. Perhaps it was because of the rejection she had felt all those years ago. His letter had never come – she had meant nothing to him then, why would that have changed now? Even when she was in Hanover, he didn’t care then either. She wouldn’t have her heart shattered again. She wouldn’t be able to piece it back together again.

What was he doing here?

The question kept whirling around in her mind. There was something about him, something after all this time was still drawing her to him. It made her angry.

Why does he still have this hold over me?

She couldn’t think. Her head felt ready to burst. She had to get out of the mansion. She needed to be outside.

Jon had been banging against the door but the house was silent now. He’d left her again.

She wiped her face clean of the tears streaming down it as she walked to one of the back entrances of the mansion. She walked around the house and made her way through the garden, to the large willow tree by the river. She stood there, underneath the large branches, with a sad smile.

This was where it had all began.

She crossed her arms around her waist as she stood looking out over the water.

Why doesn’t it hurt to think about him? Why do thoughts of him make me feel so content and whole again? Could I still love him after all this time?

Suddenly she heard Jon clear his throat behind her. She turned to him, startled. He was so close to her, she could feel the intensity between them. Those deep blue eyes boring into hers, almost begging her to allow him to speak.

“What are you doing here? I told you to leave,” she said, knowing full well that she didn’t want him to go. An overwhelming feeling of need enveloped her – she didn’t want him to leave her, ever.

He smiled – it was a warm smile that made her knees weak. He radiated comfort, and protection. She wanted him to hold her and never let her go. Everything felt better when he was around, even after all this time.

“Detty...” a jolt passed through her body as he said her childhood nickname.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, and I understand it completely, but I have to tell you how I feel.”

His eyes bore into her soul, and she felt her heart leap at his next words.

“I love you. I’ve loved you since I can remember. Yes, it all started out with you as an irritating little sister, but when you came back from Hanover it all changed. I knew it then already. I was a fool for not having told you then. I believed that you were too good for me. You’re of noble blood, and I’m just nobody. It killed me to see you, knowing that I could never be with you.”

“Why should I believe you? You’re the one who told me to get married to Benjamin. You swore that he’d protect me, that he’d make me happy,” she said, wanting to cry again.

“I know. I apologise for that. It was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted to believe that he would. I shouldn’t have let him near you. I should’ve told you how I felt, and dealt with the rejection, should it have come. I was a coward. But I’m not here to make you any more empty promises. You’ve been let down too many times. I want to prove to you that you can trust me, that I’ll protect you, and that I can make you happy, because I believe it with all my heart.”

And she did believe it. He could make her happy.

“Before I say anything more, I want you to know something...”

He took a deep breath, and looked straight into her eyes, “I killed Timothy Donahue.”

She gasped, “Excuse me?”

“Yes, I killed him. I tracked him down and I killed him. I hated him with every fibre of my being for what he did to you.”

“But ... He committed suicide...”

“No, he didn’t. Your father assured me that he would take care of it. It’s a very long story, but the point is this: I’ve always protected you. Yes, I’ve made this one big mistake because I could never believe that you would ever be capable of loving me. But if you’ll let me, I want to prove to you that I would never make that mistake again. So, if you love me, as I now believe that you do...”