Chapter 18

THREE YEARS LATER

Claudette was sitting on the balcony overlooking the plantation. She watched her father walking around, seemingly aimlessly. The last couple of years had taken its toll on him as well.

He believed that he had failed his daughter, that it was all his fault, although Claudette had assured him over and over again that she didn’t blame him in the slightest. He had been there for her through it all. He had ensured that the marriage be annulled due to the fact that her husband had disappeared into thin air. Apparently nobody had any idea where Benjamin had disappeared to. She hadn’t seen him since that night when she told him to leave the house they shared. Claudette had kept waiting for Benjamin to return. She kept hoping that what she had experienced was a nightmare, that Benjamin hadn’t truly left her forever. To this day Claudette still had no idea who the woman Benjamin had left her for was. She had pondered over the question for months after Benjamin had left but there seemed to be no clue as nobody she or her family knew had left the town at the time Benjamin did. Claudette had heard that someone saw Benjamin and a woman board a train the night he left, but as it was dark and the person had assumed it was Claudette with Benjamin, they hadn’t taken much notice. Eventually Claudette accepted the fact that she would never know, and that she’d never see her estranged husband again.

Claudette didn’t know how her father managed to have the marriage annulled so quickly, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Her father welcomed her back into her childhood home and managed to set all financial affairs in order. Although they never truly spoke of it, it seemed that Benjamin was disinherited after his parents heard the news; at least, that was what Claudette had heard. Because of the annulment, his estate did not become hers when he left though.

His parents wanted to offer their apologies in person when she was ready, and she eventually was when she came to the realization that they were not at fault either. Nobody could have known that things would turn out the way they did. They had come to her home, offered her financial compensation, which she refused, apologized profusely for the actions of their son, and informed her and her father that they had no idea where he was. Claudette doubted their sincerity and wondered if they truly had no idea where their son found himself – why she cared, she wasn’t sure, but she found herself thinking of them often, imagining the older couple playing with their only grandchild, involving themselves in Benjamin’s new life. No, she couldn’t believe that they would write him off so easily, not when he had provided them with an heir they had wanted for so long. They had also eventually sold the estate they owned in Westville and Claudette had never seen or heard from them again.

Strangely, it seemed to comfort Claudette at the time. She thought that the entire ordeal would give her sleepless nights, wondering where Benjamin was or what he was doing or who he was with, but the anxiety and fear never came. In a way she felt strangely relieved at his absence, and with time, she also came to the realization that what he had said about their marriage was true. She never loved him, and she probably never would. With time also came comprehension of his actions. He felt neglected, and isolated by the indifference in her heart. That didn’t justify his actions at all, but on some level, she could understand that he was seeking comfort in the arms of another woman. She should have seen it, but she didn’t. She had lived in denial because she had to accept her lot.

If only he had told me of his feelings earlier.

Claudette shook her head at this thought – it wouldn’t have mattered. She couldn’t will herself to love him as he loved her, no matter how hard she would have tried to.

Her feelings for Jon, though, that was an entirely different matter. She refused to think about him. He was the one who had assured her that Benjamin would protect her, that he would make her happy; but just like Benjamin, he had lied to her. Perhaps somewhere deep inside her soul she would someday be able to admit that it wasn’t Jon’s fault, but rather that she was the one who was unable to protect Benjamin’s heart, or to make him happy in the way he required her to. She just wasn’t at that point yet. She still harboured such contempt for him.

Perhaps the contempt had filled my heart for years, since Jon left without even saying goodbye – confirming what I had suppressed for so long: that he truly felt nothing for me, not a sliver of emotion. Perhaps the contempt was masked by the distraction Benjamin offered. Now that there was no distraction, I am left to seethe.

Claudette sighed again as she breathed in the spring air. She had gone through so much, she knew it. There was such immense trauma she had to endure, some of it at her own hand. She felt better now, though. She had come out stronger than before. She didn’t need anybody to look after her. Her father was the only man who had never let her down, and she cherished him for that. Her father had now accepted that she was able to handle the estate on her own, as he was aware that she would never take another husband – he wouldn’t even dare to speak to her about it, and she preferred it that way. She was focused on the business and it took all her time. Yes, people had struggled to accept a woman in charge at first, but it seemed that her trauma had worked in her favour as people felt too much pity to object to her management. The pity faded pretty soon whenever she unleashed one of her fiery moods.

For the first few months after Benjamin left, Claudette felt numb. She had suspected that she may be pregnant even prior to his departure, but she was too uncertain to say anything. When he told her that he was to leave, she didn’t feel the need to tell him. She wouldn’t raise a child with such a man, and he would already have another child to raise with another woman.

When another month had passed, she was certain of her state. She was still not proud of her feelings, but it was true that she felt something akin to hatred for the tiny baby inside her as it would always be a reminder of her failed marriage. She wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible, as if denying its existence, but eventually she started showing and her father finally asked the question she had been dreading. They had had a terrible row that evening.