Chapter 17

Another two months had passed. It was nearing the end of winter, and Benjamin’s heart could not stop pounding audibly in his ears. He couldn’t believe what had happened.

He was sitting out at the rock pools on Batten estate, the place where he had first noticed his infatuation with his wife. How simple things had been then ... How he wished he could go back in time.

His whole body was shaking. He couldn’t go back home, he just couldn’t. He also couldn’t sit still. He stood up and paced up and down, thinking about his next move.

What am I going to do?

Benjamin’s heart was pounding in his chest.

What have I done?

He had gone over these questions in his head, it seemed, millions of times.

Three days ago, a servant had called Benjamin to the foyer as he had received a guest. He was perplexed as he hadn’t been expecting anyone, and he was seldom home during the day in his attempt to avoid Claudette. That day, however, she was out of town to help her father at one of his businesses elsewhere. Benjamin had seen it as a blessing because he had the mansion to himself for almost an entire week. He needed the time to himself.

When he reached the door, he was shocked to see Sandra there. He was visibly enraged as he ushered her into the study. Obviously his servants had seen her before, when he was still a bachelor, so their glances of disapproval did not go unnoticed.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded as he grabbed her arm.

“Well, my Lord, I haven’t seen you at the tavern in months, and I had to speak with you as a matter of urgency. I couldn’t just show up here whilst your wife was around, so I had to come when I’d heard she was out of town on some business.” Sandra pulled a face of disgust when she spoke of Claudette. Sandra, herself, disgusted Benjamin. Her face, plastered with makeup, was a reminder of his infidelity. The guilt from that one mistake was enough to prevent him from visiting the tavern again. He had hoped never to have to see the wretched woman again.

“And why exactly did you have to come to my home? Say what you have to say and get it over with.” he spat at her as he dropped her arm in ill-disguised contempt.

“It’s about the last time I saw you.”

“If you think I’m going to bribe you to keep your mouth shut about my infidelity you’re out of your mind. Trust me, I can make your life very difficult if you ever even hint at any sort of acquaintance we may have had,” he threatened, pointing a finger at her. Anger ran through his entire body at the sight of her standing there with a sly smile on her face.

“Are you going to threaten the mother of your child my Lord?”

“What are you talking about?” he spat at her before the reality of what she said had sunk in.

She remained silent as he processed the information, the sickening smile still on her face.

“How is it possible? Weren’t you using some sort of contraceptive as you’d always done?” He was shaking now, and she seemed to enjoy every minute of his discomfort and shock.

His eyes turned dark. “You did this on purpose.” He clenched his fists. He had never been so close to wanting to kill a woman.

“Me? Oh no my Lord. I must have simply forgotten.”

“How do you even know that it’s mine?”

“It? You mean ‘the baby?’ I am 100% certain my Lord. You see, you are, unfortunately, the only customer with whom I have forgotten to take the necessary precautions.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?”

But he did. He realized that she had planned it all. She was a sick manipulative woman. But she was carrying his child. A child, it seemed to sink in – a child he’d wanted for so long.

“Why?” he asked, feeling completely defeated.

“It is quite simple my Lord. I am getting a little older. I want security.”

“So it is money you want?”

“I want more than that. I want to have a family, and I want you to give it to me.”

“Are you out of your mind? I should kill you for what you’ve done! You’ve ruined me! If anyone should find out about this, I would be completely cut off! I wouldn’t have any money to give you this idyllic family life you apparently so desperately want!”

She seemed to be taken aback by his words, as though she hadn’t thought her plan through.

“You stupid woman! What have you done?” he screamed at her, not caring whether anyone heard him.

She looked scared then. Suddenly Benjamin’s rage faded as he realized again that this woman was carrying his child. He experienced a whirlwind of emotions. He was unable to react.

“I ... I’m sorry. I didn’t think ... I just...” she stuttered, looking completely deranged now.

“No, you didn’t think. Your actions were idiotic, but now what? We’re stuck in this situation,” he said completely distraught.

“I’ll get rid of it,” she said softly.

“What?” he was shocked at her words. “But you must be three months along already? How crazy are you? You can’t get rid of it like it’s a pile of refuse! It’s a baby!” He became hysterical again.

There was a long silence as Benjamin attempted to gather his thoughts, but he was unable to do so.

“Just ... Just give me a few days to think, alright? I’ll come to see you in a few days. I, I need to think.”

She nodded and left quietly, all remnants of her smugness gone now.

Benjamin was left with his thoughts. He was only too grateful that Claudette hadn’t been there.

Of one thing he had been certain all along: he would love his child, whether out of wedlock or not. It was his child. He’d wanted a baby for so long, and he was given the opportunity to have one. But if he chose to keep the child, it would mean the loss of his entire estate. Perhaps he would be able to convince Claudette to have them raise the child, but would that be fair?

Do I even want to convince her? Perhaps this child will save me from my marriage.

It was an awful thought, but his marriage had left his heart completely broken for so long – it was, in fact, what had caused the baby to be conceived. Yes, it was also Sandra’s fault, but he was the one who had been unfaithful to his wife. He had broken his promise. He had told her that he’d protect her, but he had not been able to. This would break her.

But again his thoughts went back to the baby, his baby. It seemed clear that Claudette would never provide him with the child he so desperately wanted. They had been trying for so long, and it seemed she was barren.

There was always the possibility that the child Sandra was carrying wasn’t his, and he could easily deny it being his, but would he be able to live with that? He wasn’t even able to live with the fact that his wife didn’t love him, would he be able to live with the fact that his son or daughter didn’t have the chance to love him? No, he couldn’t do that. If the choice was between his wife and his child, he would choose the child, without a doubt or second thought. He convinced himself that their marriage was over.

Had it ever even began?

He wanted his child. He would start over if he had to. He would talk to his parents, but he wouldn’t take their handouts, not that they’d ever give him any. He had some investments of his own, he could make a decent sum, but he’d have to find work, and it had to be far from Westville.

So now, as Benjamin paced up and down at the rock pools, he wondered how he would be able to tell Claudette. She would be back home in two days.

They would have to get a divorce. He felt himself shiver. She would be tainted as a divorcee, but she was so young. She could find another husband. Jon was long gone, but she would eventually find someone else. He wanted to believe that. Possibly, he was even giving her the out she had wanted all along. She was strong-willed. She would get through it, and he would have his child – a child he would love unconditionally.

He had made up his mind and made his way back to Sandra.

“Look, if you don’t want the child because you know now that I’m going to be disinherited, that’s alright. I might, honestly, prefer it that way, but I want the baby. So, I’ll ensure that you have enough money throughout the pregnancy, but you’ll have to come away with me. When the child is born, you are to see him through the breast-feeding stage and then you are free to come back or to stay with me. I will take care of you for the while you are with me. That is my proposition,” he explained when he had arrived in her tiny apartment.

Sandra took a deep breath as she thought it over.

“Alright, I’ll come with you. I’ll see how it goes, and after the child is born I’ll make my decision as to whether I’ll stay or leave.”

“Fine. But there is one other thing.”

“Yes, my Lord?”

“We are to be wed.”

“But you are already wed?”

“Yes, well, Lady Carlisle’s father will have the marriage annulled or the divorce finalized immediately, I am sure of it. As soon as it is done, we are to be wed – at least the child will not be born out of wedlock then.”

“And if I choose to come back or to leave you after the child is born?”