Chapter 10

The wedding day had finally arrived. Claudette was standing in her room, her maids adding the finishing touches to her hair and dress. She was staring at herself in the mirror, thinking about the day that awaited her. She had only about thirty minutes left before she had to enter the coach awaiting her outside.

The last few months had been brutal. She was constantly at war with herself, but she knew that it was her duty to get married to Benjamin Carlisle. She was a woman now, and she would have to marry sooner or later. It was for the best. Benjamin would be able to look after her. Claudette had never felt so weak in her entire life. She seemed a shadow of her former self as she struggled to carry on with her life. She couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t happened – her nightmares wouldn’t let her. No, she needed to marry a good man, someone who would be able to protect her. She didn’t think about Jon much anymore either, except for wondering what would have happened if he had not arrived in time to save her.

Benjamin was a good man, and she would learn to love him with all her heart. She had to. She believed that Benjamin wouldn’t allow anything to happen to her, but she couldn’t let go of the fear. The man was still out there somewhere, and her father had been unable to find him. He knew who she was. He could find her. No, she definitely needed Benjamin. She wouldn’t be able to face the man alone. Her father wouldn’t always be there, and she needed someone to be on her side always.

Claudette finally took a deep breath. She had to do it. She couldn’t back out now. Perhaps she would, at some point in the future, forget the events of three months ago. Perhaps then she would regret her decision made today, but at that precise moment, the incredible fear she felt convinced her that it was the best way for her to bury her demons. She would finally feel safe, and, hopefully, find herself somewhere along the line.

Claudette took a final look in the very large mirror. Her maids were standing behind her, smiling widely. Claudette detected only a small amount of pity in their eyes. She looked down at her feet in satin slippers with three roses covering a buckle in the middle of the top of her foot. She dropped her wedding gown to cover the shoes. The weather was very warm, but it seemed that her designer had decided to ignore the heat wave and create a very heavy ball gown. Claudette felt covered in white silk curtains as parts of the gown were pinned up with bows, exposing exquisite lace beneath. The bodice was also covered in strips of satin and lace. Her shoulders were covered with puffy satin, synched at the middle of her upper arm. Her hair was styled in an up-do, also containing a number of white satin ribbons. Claudette managed a small smile as she thought how ridiculous she actually looked. People would talk about the gown for years, and at least that would distract them from their pity towards her. The last thing to add was a very long veil. The maids attached it to one of the ribbons in her hair and then gently folded the material in order for Claudette to be able to fit into the carriage. Claudette struggled to sit down in the gown, but the many wires digging into her ribs were a welcome distraction from her heart thumping in her throat. The ride did not seem to take long, and soon the carriage approached the large stone chapel covered in, what seemed like, thousands of white roses and ribbons. Claudette thought to herself that, after this wedding, she’d never want to see another ribbon again. Her father came down the many steps, dressed in his finest dark brown suit and white bow tie, opening the carriage door for her, not waiting for the staff. For a moment her father had to search for her between the layers of fabric in the carriage, but eventually he found her hand and helped her out. Her maids straightened her dress again as Claudette saw the tears in her father’s eyes. She hugged him tightly, and, without any words, he held her against him for a while.

“My dearest Claudette, it seems to be more difficult to give you away than I would have thought,” he said softly, sniffing a little.

“Oh Papa,” she said hugging him tighter. She felt tears on the brims of her eyes.

Finally, Claudette let go and straightened herself, keeping her head tall. Her father put a hand on her cheek, “You do know it is for the best, don’t you?”

“Yes, Papa. I know.”

He smiled at her, and they walked slowly up the many steps to the large door of the chapel. The bells were ringing loudly, and Claudette felt as though her heart was to leap out of her chest at any moment. She looked at her father as they stood before the closed door, awaiting the wedding march to start at any moment.

Jon felt increasingly nervous. He told himself that there was absolutely no reason for him to be so nervous. He had made peace with Claudette and Benjamin getting married. It just made sense. He couldn’t understand why he still had this incredibly aching feeling all over his body.

The day had gone by too slowly.

How could she be taking so long?

Jon was sitting in the second row from the front of the large chapel. Benjamin looked nervous, Jon could tell. He could also see at least four women Benjamin had slept with attending the ceremony – it seemed none of them could believe that Benjamin was to settle down. Were they awaiting disaster? Were they hoping that something terrible would happen at the wedding, and that they could be witnesses thereto? Jon couldn’t completely tell.

There were a number of people in attendance whom Jon did not recognize. He assumed that they were friends of Claudette’s from Hanover. It was strange though, he was expecting more of them, and Jon couldn’t help wondering whether Claudette didn’t truly see this wedding as something to celebrate.

Jon hadn’t seen Claudette since the engagement. It had been a struggle to deal with it all, and he had considered excusing himself a number of times, but he couldn’t get himself to do it. He had to be there, and there he was, awaiting the arrival of the most beautiful girl in the world.

Finally, the priest signaled everybody to rise for the entrance of the bride. Jon took a deep breath as he stood and turned to the large wooden doors. The Wedding March started, and finally the doors were opened, allowing a burst of sunshine through. Shadowing the sunshine was a vision in white. She was wearing a very large ball gown and hanging onto her father’s arm. Claudette looked confident as she floated down the endless aisle to her beloved. Her mouth was in a tight line, until, it seemed, she suddenly realized that she was supposed to smile as this was supposed to be a joyous occasion. She plastered a wide smile on her face before the crowd could notice. Jon just stared at her, unable to prevent his mind from wondering how he would feel being the man standing at the end of the aisle awaiting her arrival. He felt a sharp pain in his heart, but he couldn’t turn away from her. She walked on, until she finally passed Jon. She was smiling at everyone, but it didn’t seem as though she knew exactly who she was looking at when she was doing so. Jon heard a number of people behind him sniff, and talk in whispers about how extravagant her gown was.

Finally she reached Benjamin. Her father hugged her tightly, tears rolling down his handsome face. He whispered something in her ear, she nodded, and then he came to sit in front of Jon. Jon saw Benjamin tell her how beautiful she looked, to which she smiled. The priest beckoned everybody to sit down, after which he commenced with his sermon. Jon watched Claudette who was standing perfectly still throughout the ceremony. His heart ached for her once more. He couldn’t see the ache ever subsiding. It was a part of him. It would be, forever. He could never have her. After today, there would be no chance. He had convinced himself that he had made peace with it all, but his heart told him otherwise. His mind started wandering. He wanted her, that much he knew, even though he didn’t completely understand his feelings. How could life be so unkind? That social standing, in this day and age, could determine whom you may love.

She looked so incredibly innocent standing there. How could someone hurt such an innocent flower? How could someone look into her eyes and want to harm her in any way? Jon didn’t feel the intense anger he had been feeling toward the unknown man at this moment, he only felt despair.

Looking back at her at the altar, she still looked confident, as though she knew it was her duty.

The ceremony dragged on, and finally the priest asked if there were any objections. Benjamin looked nervous.

Was he expecting someone to object to their marriage? Or was he hoping?

Jon put the thought out of his mind. The couple exchanged rings, were pronounced husband and wife, and were then told to kiss. Jon was filled with jealousy seeing them kiss. It was a light peck, but Jon knew that soon it would be more. He wanted to be the one to give her that pleasure, to feel her body beneath his, to make her his, to become one with her. Jon looked away immediately.

In that moment Jon realized something that he had, in truth, known for a very long time. He had to leave Westville, and he had to do it soon. He had made his peace but it didn’t mean that he had to remain a witness to their marriage.

Why put myself through that?

A large number of guests were invited to the Batten Estate for the reception. Jon felt obliged to go, and Lord Batten had requested him to share his carriage. Everybody saw the newly-weds get into their carriage and ride off to the reception. Jon wondered whether the atmosphere inside the carriage would be awkward or not.

Lord Batten was extremely emotional. Fortunately, Jon didn’t have to say much as another member of Lord Batten’s family rode with them. They discussed the proceedings at length and commented at how in love the couple seemed, much to Jon’s dismay.

The estate itself seemed to be covered in white and blue flowers. It seemed impossible to look anywhere without being confronted with them. The large ballroom felt suffocated under the many flowers. There were tables aligned around the dance floor, much like the other balls held at the estate. The tables were neatly covered with white cloth which was lifted at some points to expose lace underneath.

At the estate, Jon made a conscious decision to socialise with the other guests. He convinced himself that he didn’t have much time left in Westville so he had to enjoy his time with the people there while he still could. He spent the evening dancing with a number of ladies, who seemed shocked at his sudden confidence. At this point, Jon felt he didn’t really have anything to lose. He could enjoy himself, but in order to do so, he had to have a number of drinks – at least there were plenty of drinks to go around.

Jon saw Claudette and Benjamin dancing with each other, much to the pleasure of all the guests in attendance. Jon watched them move across the floor effortlessly. He had been so focused on her face, attempting to see her emotions, that he hadn’t truly taken cognisance of her very extravagant wedding gown. It wasn’t something Jon could ever have pictured her in. He couldn’t help wondering whether it was done on purpose to shift focus from her many troubles. Perhaps it made her feel like a different person. She certainly looked like a different person from the one he had seen a few months earlier. Claudette was still smiling widely as she started dancing with various other guests. They seemed to struggle to maneuver around her gigantic gown. Food was bountiful as well. It seemed there was nothing he could think of that wasn’t present on the long tables. The whole evening became a blur, probably due to all the alcohol consumption. He attempted to concentrate on the short speeches being made, on the large 8 tier cake, also covered in edible white ribbons, being sliced, on the many people chattering all around, but finally he had to step outside for some fresh air. He struggled to move towards the large entrance doors, but finally managed to push through the many people. Outside seemed to also be rife with thousands of people, but somewhere in his mind he knew it couldn’t be that many people. Jon staggered down the steps, attempting to look sober. When he reached the grass below the magnificent mansion, something large and white caught his eye in the, now, darkness of the night. He walked slowly in the direction it moved, wondering whether anyone else had noticed, but everyone seemed to be carrying on as they were. Jon walked quite far, starting to wonder whether it was only his imagination. He was barely able to concentrate, and seemed to fall over every blade of grass on the ground. At last he seemed to sober a little when he realized he had been subconsciously walking to the willow tree, the one where he and Claudette had always played as children. He looked up at the branches and only after a few moments he realized that it was Claudette he had seen. She was standing a little while away from the tree, seemingly looking out over the river. He walked over to her slowly, but called out to her for fear of startling her.