Chapter 5

Part 3 : Learning Together

Amelia begins to find out more about her husband-to-be.

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The Connaught Hotel
Belgrave Square
London W1
25/4/02
Dearest Mama,
I was so happy to hear your news. I had certainly felt that Lady Jefferson and I had ‘hit it off’. I was amused that she should remark on how well spoken she found me. Evidently Frau Hech’s understanding of the English language fits better with her ladyship’s class than with the hoi poloi. In other places it seems my speech attracts immediate attention and marks me out as a most curious individual.

You must be relieved that she is happy for the wedding to go ahead. For my part, I am content with the arrangement too. While the manner of meeting James might not have been my own choice, from first impressions he is a sweet man and kind and will, I am sure, be a suitable partner, especially in a society where he is expected to defer to his wife.

You know I have been a long time enthusiast for the equality of the sexes but life here is very different from anything I had imagined was possible, so far has the pendulum swung the other way from how things are in Brabant. My experiences here so far are leading me to suspect that, in fact, a world in which the woman takes the lead may turn out to be a deal better, even, than one I had imagined. In any case, I know that it is down to me to make the best of my circumstances.

As to how things are here, I believe that I am quite getting the hang of what is known as “the English system”. It is, however, something of a strain to be always the one that must take the initiative, to decide and to insist. Being an oppressed woman in Brabant was much easier, I had only to invest my energies in railing against male injustices. Now I have noone to blame but myself if life is not to my liking. Still you will know that I would not wish to return to a life where men were able to impose their will upon me without the least regard for my feelings. If the constant need to be in the lead is the price of that freedom, then so be it.

I thought things had gone well with Lady Jefferson because yesterday Beckworth arrived at the hotel with James and asked if I would like to spend some time with him. I, of course, agreed. James and I spent a pleasant evening together yesterday. Beckworth brought him up to my hotel room and although she seemed sceptical when I asked her to remove the hood, gag and straps he was secured with, she did as she was asked with a “Very good, m’m” although I felt she did not entirely approve of my allowing him so much liberty.

James has turned out to be a delightful companion. He is fluent in both German and French and he tells me that my spoken English is charming and that I should not concern myself about either my pronunciation or grammar. He is a great lover of European romantic art and poetry so we were able to share a delight in the work of Caspar David Friedrich, von Eichendorff, Schiller and, of course, Keats and Shelley. He is even something of an artist himself, having produced some delightful water colours of moody landscapes and mythological scenes.

It was so refreshing to engage with a man on such matters for I truly believe that a perfect marriage comes from a meeting of minds, not just bodies.

He has offered to show me the many fine examples of Jugendstil art in the city from the ornate gateway to the new parliament building to the luxurious fittings on the subterranean railway lines that traverse the capital (I am most looking forward to trying this, apparently the railway stations are all built underground and the trains are reached by travelling down to them on moving stairways that carry you deep beneath the streets to where the trains can be boarded. (Such a system would be quite impractical in Amsterdam – the passengers would all surely drown!).

In my turn, I was excited to share my experiences of my journey by dirigible. Sadly, it seems that he cares little for technical marvels of that kind, but, still, he listened politely. This I took to be a mark in his favour for I could not imagine a Brabant man putting up with talk of something that did not interest him for a moment.

We talked a little of the differences between our two cultures. James told me of how he grew up almost entirely without the sociable company of others of his own sex. His mother thought it far better that he should be schooled in the company of girls and arranged for a governess to teach him, Lady Jefferson’s nieces and a few of the girls from the local village. He was very proud of this saying he had a MUCH better education than most other men for whom many consider learning a waste of time. Perhaps his schooling is behind his calm and gentle manner. The girls did rather tease him though, apparently, both for being a boy and a “toff” (as they call the upper classes here) as well. I can only think they did not see in him the qualities that I perceive.

Certainly he was very attentive when I told him about my own childhood and so sympathetic on hearing that I had been orphaned at such a young age, saying how terrible it must have been not knowing my real father. James says he thinks I should try to find out more about my father. I have only just realised that I only know that he died just after I was born. I do not even know his name, for you never spoke of him. I think this does show James’s considerate side. I have never really worried about it as you know, but, if it does not pain you to be reminded, I would like to know some more.

James was most intrigued by the idea of a society in which men take the lead. He wondered how it could ever work, seeing as how, in his view, women are so much more naturally determined and decisive. He had no idea of how Brabant society or indeed anywhere that men are in charge could possibly function, saying that surely men’s brutish blundering must result in disaster after disaster. I am not surprised by his views, the local newspapers tell little of life outside the British Empire and are full of images of women in powerful roles, articles about the natural competence of women and celebration of the technical leaps forward that are the result of women’s work. Men see little to suggest to themselves that they could take up any responsible position. I asked whether men had ever thought of forming a political party to challenge the order of things. He said that would be silly, men just weren’t that well organised. I chose not to share too much of how downtrodden women are in Brabant, in case it gives him ideas.

I did, though, take the opportunity to ask him how he felt about being bound and hooded and the like. He said that he hadn’t really thought about it as that was the way things were. Certainly he would never dream of doing anything that made it necessary but he knew that women liked to see men that way, so he understood that was what he should expect. I rather suspect from the way he talked enthusiastically about being bound and gagged by girls in his class during his schooldays that he rather enjoyed it then and does still. Very curious!

Eventually our talk turned to the forthcoming nuptials and I asked him what he expected of our life together. Beckworth’s look said that seeking such an opinion was not what was done in polite society but I am determined to plough my own furrow.

I hope, Mama, that you will not find this indelicate but James replied that he hoped to be a dutiful companion and help-mate and to be able to sire by me the daughter that his mother so hoped for. This he said, was in spite of his inexperience in sexual matters, which he hoped I would excuse. He is determined, he says, to learn to satisfy me sexually in whatever ways I desire and will follow such instruction as I provide in those matters.

I was not sure what to make of that, feeling myself in no position to provide such direction. I was certainly not ready to tell him of my own ignorance of sexual matters. Still I was encouraged by his desire to please me. Such sensibilities are far from those of the men of Brabant who barely imagine that a woman might possibly have views on such things, much less that they should take heed of them.

I will write again soon.

Your daughter, Amelia.

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The Connaught Hotel
Belgrave Square
London W1
05/05/1902
Dear Lucy,
How are you? I have heard nothing from you for almost three weeks now. I trust all is well with you.

I thought I should write and tell you more about James. I know that you would find him as sweet and pleasing as I do and quite without any of the vices we have come to associate with men.

I told you of his enthusiasm for the romantics. Last night we spent the entire evening talking about the great artists of the romantic movement. As I said, he paints in watercolour and we talked much of the places he would love to make pictures of. The wild coasts of Scotland and the English Lake District are amongst his favourites and he hopes we might take a trip there, if – as he says – I would like to go. Can you imagine a De Helder man consulting a woman on such a thing?