Chapter 2

As we walked through the mall she was stunned. She told me that her family usually shopped at second hand stores. “I can’t believe they have so many things for sale? What would you need so many...” she waved her hand around. “Things for.” She looked into a bath store and she looked mystified. “Why would anyone want so many different scents? A good bar of soap is all you need.” I figured this would be a good place to start.

We walked in and she looked baffled. “Tracy, what is your favorite flower?” She thought for a second. “Oh I love honeysuckle.” I asked a lady from the store and she pointed to a shelf to the side. There was about ten different things scented with honeysuckle. I handed her a bottle and she sniffed and then inhaled deeply. “Oh that is magical.” She said with sigh. Her eyes were partially opened and she let the smell roll through her.

I picked up a bottle of shower gel, and one of body cream. She looked on and seemed scandalized that I was getting them. I then headed over to get her a scrubber for the shower and found a nice light floral shampoo and conditioner. With an arm load of goodies, and a wide eyed girl in tow, I paid for it all and handed her the large bag. “Now let’s go see what else we can find.” And ventured out.

We got home and had to make two trips from the car for it all. The bed in her room was covered in all manner of bags and boxes and she just looked at it all in shock. I had made sure she had a nice selection of clothing, and other needs I felt a young girl might have. We went through it all and removed tags and such so we could wash it. That evening she sat on the couch with me and watched TV in a new night gown she had set her eyes on but never asked me for. I looked at her with her legs curled up and thought how beautiful she was. I had always thought that her mother was pretty but looking at Tracy I knew she got the best of both parents. I envied the man who would someday become her husband. She would make a wonderful wife someday as I had no doubt that she would never be the kind of woman to just live with a man. Yep, she wouldn’t be happy with anything less than a family and one that fit her heart.

She looked over and caught me thinking of her. She bit her lip and blushed, making her even more beautiful. “Why are you looking at me like that Robert?” I smiled at her. “I am looking at a very beautiful young lady and wondering what I did in my life to have her sitting on my couch.” This caused her to blush even more. Then she looked at me and said. “You opened your heart and your home, that’s what you did.” Then we both sat there blushing and staring at the TV.

Over the next few days we began to learn each other’s bigger habits. Things like who was an early bird and who was a night owl. Who liked to cook and who didn’t, but liked to clean. We were slowly getting used to each other as well as becoming comfortable with each other. Then one night Tracy felt comfortable enough to tell me what had happened to get us both in this situation. We had just had lunch and I was taking a break from work. As I sat going through my media server Tracy came in and asked if we could talk.

“Robert, you have been wonderful to me. You have done so much to help me and haven’t pushed about what happened. I think I’m finally ready to get it out in the open.” I immediately gave her all my attention. “If you think you’re ready then I am too.” She took a deep breath and folded her hands in her lap. “It all started a few months ago. The pastor of our church has a youth ministry that he gave to his eldest son to run. We do all kinds of things for the elderly or sick in our church. Things like cleaning their yards, helping with shopping, anything that they have trouble doing for themselves.”

This brought a small smile to her face as she remembered all the good she did. Then she began to frown a little. “Raul, the pastor’s second son who is a little older than me, worked together more than the others. He and I were a good team and I had begun to have feeling for him. We both knew our parents rules about dating and such but over time had begun to see our efforts together as a kind of dating.”

She looked up from her hands and had a sad smile on her face. “It all started so innocently. At first it was just spending some time together and talking, then we began to hold hands while talking. As we grew closer we even kissed.” She gave a heavy sigh. “That was the start of the slide as my father would say. Our kisses went from innocent to passionate very quickly. Eventually we began to explore each other and before we knew it we got carried away.”

She looked at her hands and her shoulders slumped. “Tracy, you don’t have to go there. I understand how things like that can happen.” She shook her head. “No, I want to.” She took a deep breath. “Well the last time we were alone together we got very carried away. I still don’t remember how but I was on the floor of the church supply room with my skirt pushed up around my waist and he was on top of me, kissing me and rubbing against me.”

She was very agitated and her hands were twisting together. “It felt good physically but I was becoming scared too. When I felt his ‘thing’ against mine I really became scared. I pushed at him, he rose up and then I felt this wetness down there and he moaned out loud. When he sat back I was covered with this white goo that was all over the place. We both tried to clean me up and I guess that is how it got inside of me.”

Holy shit. This girl never even got to have a real first time before getting this way. Some little asshole had gone off with maybe just a tip inside and now she was going to be a mother. Talk about messed up. “We were both so scared that we got out of there as soon as we looked appropriate. That was also the last time we worked together. Raul was sent off to help with another ministry group in Kansas. I didn’t know why then, but I think he must have told his father about it all. After Raul left the pastor always glared at me and I didn’t understand why. Then my monthlies were late a few weeks, then a few more weeks. When I didn’t have them for two months I talked to my mother and she asked me questions and eventually everything came out.”

She looked at me and all I saw was pain in her eyes. “She told my father and his rage came out. He yelled at me, at mother, and then at my sisters. He blamed me for tempting a good boy like Raul into sinning like that. He said a lot of things to me and then in front of the family he cast me out.” Tears were falling from her cheeks.

I moved over to her and wrapped my arms around her. I felt her wrap her arms around me and held onto me for the first time as she let it all out. “Why? Why me? How were my actions so bad that I was given this burden?” She cried out against my chest. My mind was spinning as her words came flooding out. Thanks to her father she felt guilty for a moment’s weakness and a loving heart. She had tried to stop the little bastard but it was too late.

I held her and waited for her to calm down a little. “A child isn’t a burden Tracy, it a blessing. Maybe this all happened so you could be free from your father, from the life he had planned for you. Maybe it is the only way for you to find the right path for you to follow.” She looked up at me with red eyes and questions in them. “Do you think Mary planned to have the son she did? Do you think her life went the way she always thought it would when she was a child?”

I knew in those terms she could understand what I was trying to say. That sometimes things just go sideways and you have to deal with it. I saw understanding in her eyes as my analogy worked its way through her mind. “I think I get it. I was meant to have a life different than planned and this was the only way for me to go where I was supposed to.” I nodded. “The lord works in mysterious ways, and not always gently.”

Tracy looked up at me and then she shocked me by holding me tighter and nuzzling against my chest. “And you lifted me up, and set me on that new path. The fall was scary but you were there to catch me and keep me safe.” She smiled up at me. “My guardian.” I had the feeling she had been about to add angel to that from the way she said it. Then she rested her head back down and before I knew it she had drifted off.

I held this child/mother in my arms and let her rest and had a good think. The most logical thing to do was to get an abortion but I knew that she would sooner die than do that. This left us with two possibilities. Raise the little thing ourselves or adoption. Neither would help the girl to mend fences with her family, but the more I learned about them the less I felt it would be in any way a good thing. Adoption? Not a bad thing and many people these days were hoping for just this kind of chance to adopt. Something told me though that Tracy would be the kind of girl that once she went through everything that was coming she would never be able to give the baby away.

This left me with only one avenue. I would need to get in touch with the pastor to see if his brat would take any kind of responsibility for the child which I highly doubted. When that didn’t come through I would need them to sign a release stating that he had and didn’t want any claim on the child now or in the future. With that done I would legally be able to claim the child as my own.

Now why would I do something like that? Well that meant I could cover the baby under my insurance, and in the future I wouldn’t have to worry about any other legal snafus with schools or doctors. Then the enormity of it all really hit me for the first time. I would be a guardian and a father all at once. There would be two lives dependent on me.

I had never been the most responsible guy in the world. I liked my privacy to do my work, I was a loner, but that was mostly due to never finding someone who actually cared about me. I had more than enough income between my investments and other income, but I had never thought what I would do with it all. Now I knew and the thought both scared the crap out of me and thrilled me more than anything ever had. Maybe this was the big guy’s way of setting me on a path I had been avoiding.

I was contemplating all of this when I felt Tracy rubbing her cheek against me. Her eyes slowly opened and there was a tenderness in them that I had never felt before. “Welcome back kitten.” Her eyes sparkled. “Why do you call me kitten?” I smiled at her and stroked her hair back. “Because you’re small, cute, and I love having you in my lap.” She stretched and she looked just like a kitten waking up. She smiled at me and then saw the clock. “Oh my, I need to get some things out of the freezer for dinner.” And she hopped up but before she left me she leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you Robert. I’ve never felt so happy.” And then she left me sitting there stunned. She kissed me. I couldn’t remember anyone ever kissing me like that before other than my mother.

“Hey kitten? I’m going to go out for a little while. Will you be alright alone?” She stuck her head around the corner and smiled at me. “Yes.” was all she said before diving back into the kitchen. I headed out and went over to Dan and Becky’s place. I knocked on the door and Beck answered it. “Oh hello Robert, please come in.” I thanked her and as I walked in I saw her looking behind me.

We went into the kitchen to find two babies. These were the latest additions to her family and they were a year apart. The other kids would still be at school and Dan was at work so I knew this was a good time to come over. “Please have a seat, would you like some coffee or maybe some tea?” I waved her off. “Thank you no.”

We sat at the table and she looked ashamed at my presence. “I want to thank you so much for taking Tracy in. I love her so much but after what happened to her...” I shook my head. “I can’t be honest and say I understand, but things are the way they are. I actually feel rather blessed to have her with me and I am thankful you made it easier with signing those papers.” The woman was almost in tears, but if a woman won’t stand up for her children than I really have no use for her. “Now I am going to need to get in touch with the father of the boy who did this to Tracy.” Becky looked scandalized. “Oh no, you can’t. He won’t have anything to do with Tracy.” I sat a little straighter and gave her a stern look. “He can talk to me now or eventually talk to my lawyers. If his little rapist won’t take responsibility I need to have the paperwork so he can never come sniffing around in the future.”

The enormity of what I said sank in and she knew it was out of her control. She told me what I needed to know and I thanked her and left. Before I did though she touched my arm and looked at me. “How is Tracy? With the ambulance and everything I was so worried.” I softened at this small bit of worry. “She is fine and so is the child. In fact I think she is doing better now than ever before. She’s happy and knows she is safe now. I am going to take good care of her and the baby so you don’t have to worry about her ever again.”

There was shame in her face but she didn’t say anything as I left. I went directly to the church if you could call it that and looked for the pastor. Who sets up a church in an old convenience store? He was a thin man with a huge amount of arrogance about him. “How can I help you?” he asked looking down his nose at me. “I am Tracy Henderson’s legal guardian. I am here to talk to you about your son’s involvement in her pregnancy.” Wow his back and defenses went up fast. “I have no knowledge of any Tracy Henderson and neither does my son.” I nodded thoughtfully. “Alright, if that’s the way you want to play it. I’ll have my lawyers contact the state officials and get a court order for DNA evidence. After that is done I will then go about making sure your little church is in the news every other day about how the girls here are used and then tossed out when they are no longer convenient. I am sure I can get this place closed down and your family ruined in a month or so.”

He looked pissed but I saw the cracks in his façade. “Or we can do this quietly and quickly. I give you some papers that say he is the father of the baby, and that he relinquishes all current and future claims as the father. You get them signed, notarized and then you and everyone else in this place can pretend it never happened.” He looked like he was about to blow up. “You would threaten a house of God?” I shook my head. “Never. But I would go after a man who hides sin rather than confront it, deal with it and then follow the lord and forgive. So like I said, which path do you want to follow?” He seethed at my giving him a lesson in his own church. “Send your papers. They will be taken care of.” He then turned around, left and so did I.

A week later I showed the papers to Tracy. She didn’t know what I was doing but then she didn’t need to, it would only have worried her. “So he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the baby.” She seemed sad at this. Then she looked at me. “Why did you go to all this work?” I smiled at her as we sat on the couch. “It is so I can legally claim the child as mine.” Her eyes grew wide at the thought. “You want to be named the father?”

It hadn’t occurred to me that she wouldn’t want that and began to worry. “Well, I do if that’s ok with you. I didn’t mean to overstep any bounds here I just thought it would be best for all of us if I could. You don’t have to agree if you don’t want me to.” Tears filled her eyes. “No, I do. It’s just I didn’t think my baby would have a father.” She grabbed my hand and kissed it a few times. “When I was sitting on the ground alone I thought that I would have nothing, that my baby wouldn’t have a father, and I would be alone in this world forever.” She pressed my hand to her face as she looked at me. “Then you came to me and became my guardian in so many ways. Now you are the guardian of my child too. It is more than a girl like me deserves.”

I stroked her tears from her cheeks and felt love welling up inside of me. “No kitten, you are more than I deserve. I’ve always been alone and then you fall into my life and gave it meaning. Your baby will do even more, it will give me a position in life I never thought I would have. As a father.” She leaned forwards ad wrapped her arms around me and settled her head on my shoulder. “We will be a family Robert. A family like I never had.” I held her and felt the warmth grow between us. A family? Wow, things had sure changed in such a short amount of time. As we held each other and thought our own thoughts I wondered what the future held for us all.

From that day on we didn’t have any contact with her family. We saw them but even her siblings refused to acknowledge she was there. Her father would see me and glare. I guess things weren’t going so well for them after my little confrontation with their pastor. It was hard for Tracy to see her family and not be a part of it. She tried to hide it, but it showed anyway.

Speaking of showing, Tracy started to swell up in more ways than one after coming to live with me. With a healthy diet for the first time in her life she began to grow out as well as up, and it wasn’t the pregnancy I am talking about. Another thing that was difficult for her was going to a doctor. Her family didn’t really believe in modern medicine so her contact with it was only a school nurse once and then the hospital that fateful night. I told her from the beginning that she and the baby were going to get the best care possible and not to fight it. It took some work but slowly she began to come around to my way of thinking. Whenever I heard the words ‘but father’ come out of her mouth I gave her a look and she would shrug and nod.

Then when she was about four months along I noticed a change in her. She became more irritable and snippy. I also noticed that sometimes at night she would be sitting on the couch and she couldn’t keep still. She would fidget and rub her legs together till she got to the point that she would simply go to bed early. I got worried so I did some research on the net and eventually talked to her doc about it.

To make her as comfortable as possible with going to a doctor I had found the best female O.B/GYN in town for her. The doctor knew of her home life and the situation between the two of us and looked at me with a lot of respect. When I went to her to ask about what I had been seeing the woman did her best not to smile, but failed. “Um ... Her problem isn’t so much medical as physical. She’s very young and from an odd background in this day and age, so she wouldn’t really understand what’s going on. And being as you have been single you whole life it’s not surprising you aren’t either.”

“And what would that be doc?” The woman actually blushed just a little. “The poor girl is feeling the effects of her hormone changes. For some women it impacts their life with a severely decreased libido, for others in means a greatly increased one.” She looked at me meaningfully and I’m sorry to say it took me a few minutes to figure out what she meant. She saw the light come on as my jaw hit the floor. “You mean...” The doctor nodded. “Your girl is suffering from extreme sexual need. Now normally this kind of thing is good news for a husband, but in your position it may be more difficult. I take it her family was quite puritanical so when it came to anything sexual like masturbation...” She looked at me for more.

“Oh I’m sure that kind of thing would have been punished.” The doc shook her head. “To think such things still happen today.” She sighed. “She is suffering from what the doctors in the Victorian era called hysteria. A girl her age has a hard enough time dealing with her sexual needs. When you add the increased flow of hormones she is quite literally frustrated to the point she’s going frantic, and it may only get worse as time goes on. “So what can I do?” The doctor looked at me with more than a little concern. “Well normally I tell a man to take more vitamins and I have even been known to supply things like Viagra. Your situation though is quite different so I am at a loss, I’m sorry.” I shrugged. “Well at least I have somewhere to start. Thanks doc, it’s more than I started out with.”

On the way home I stopped at an adult store I was familiar with and bought a few things. Now you have to understand that since she had become more at home she had begun to take care of things around the house. She was home schooling as she couldn’t go back to her old school, and she wasn’t ready to go to a public one while pregnant. Being at home all day she said it was the least she could do and she did it well. I had even begun to teach her about cooking that her mother hadn’t had a chance to.

Well when I got home I found the girl sitting on the couch crying. She hadn’t noticed I was there until I cleared my throat and she jumped at the unexpected sound. She looked miserable and the bags under her eyes were getting worse. “I’m sorry Robert, I haven’t done any of thing things I should have today. I’m just so useless.” And she sobbed again and grabbed a pillow. I took her in my arms ad held her tight. “You are not useless Tracy. You are an incredible girl who is suffering from things you don’t understand.” She looked up at me and I saw the same look of desperation she had that first night. “Tracy, little love, your body is going through changes and right now they are making you feel things you don’t understand. I can help you with them, help you to feel better but it will take some understanding from you. You will have to trust me more than ever before and do what I tell you.”

She looked at me nervously but nodded anyway. “I know you have been taught a lot of things and you have done great working your way through it but today but this is going to be something hard for you.” She tried her best to look brave. I went into the kitchen and came back with a bag from the adult store. I didn’t know how best to do this so I handed her the bag and took it.

When she looked in she turned bright red and looked at me in shock. “What is all this stuff and how is it going to help me?” she gasped while holding the bag away from her. “I talked to the doctor about how you have been acting. She told me that many women feel the way you do when they are pregnant. What you are feeling, what you are going through is...” I took a deep breath. “Well it’s simply sexual frustration.”