I have to remember to get more toilet paper. When we were first together Logan and I fretted about toilet paper.

Should I get: Extra Strong? Extra Soft? Economical? Scented? Decorative? British Fragmenting?

When wet, could it support four quarters? Would it permit its user to Go Commando? And are its users most notably cartoon bears or humans?

Currently we are using Willow Soft & Strong, which is 2 ply and advertised as “Safe & Absorbent,” whatever that means. It is also “septic safe.” Logan leaves the purchase of toilet paper to me, and to be truthful I’m not necessarily devoted to the same brand. It is not scented. It is modestly decorated. I have no idea what British Fragmenting means. Something to do with Brexit? I doubt if it would support four quarters when wet but maybe when slightly damp. Maybe two dimes and a nickel. Logan does not go Commando. I do on some occasions. (How does toilet paper play into going commando?) Its users, as far as I know, are human.

Maybe of more interest, or maybe not, is why we don’t have a conventional toilet paper dispenser. When we were first living together, almost right away we discovered that they were on opposite sides when it came to whether the toilet paper was to be mounted for over the top or from beneath use. I favored over the top; Logan from beneath. Once in a house of our own, we attempted to solve this dispute with a free-standing style dispenser. We selected a model that could be over-the-top or from beneath depending on the orientation.

This only worked up to a point. Whenever Logan made use of toilet paper, he left the dispenser “turned around.” I complained. “Isn’t it enough that I make sure not to leave the lid up?” Logan countered. “Yes, but I use toilet paper much more frequently than you,” I rebutted, “and so the courteous thing to do...”

Rather than end up in my doghouse, Logan left the standing device alone and relied on a roll of toilet paper on the tank top. I not only went along, I took to using Logan’s roll. The old dispenser was relegated to storage.

(Rebutted, ha ha!)