Chapter 1

I guess you can say I was a typical fourteen-year-old girl, having various crushes on the cute guys in my high school, falling head-over-heels for the new boy band One Direction, fighting with my siblings and testing my boundaries with my parents whenever I could. It was at the very end of my Spring break and I was still reeling with excitement after meeting a new guy at my cousin’s house. He was good looking, super nice and mature, not like the little boys my age.

I shared a bedroom with my bratty eleven-year-old sister, Brooke, and did whatever I could to get under the skin of our sixteen-year-old brother Cory, whose bedroom was directly across the hall from ours. Both of our parents worked, my mom being a waitress at a local diner and my dad was a used car salesman. Everything seemed normal and even though I was considered a little shy and at times an airhead, I was pretty well adjusted and was considered friendly by those who knew me.

Carlton Jackson, Money as everyone called him, was extremely good looking in a macho way, had a muscular body and at six-foot-two, was a foot taller than me. He was also twice my 105 pound frame and had a warm, welcoming smile. He told me that he was nineteen and I was upfront with him about me only being fourteen, but he didn’t seem to mind. “Age is only a number’, he told me.

He was nice, funny, outgoing and seemed to have a lot of friends. I was surprised that he liked me as he could have had any girl he wanted but he seemed to give me all the attention, which I really liked. I happened to be at my cousin Rachael’s house while Money was there visiting her older brother Scott and once we locked eyes we couldn’t stop looking at each other. I guess it was love at first sight.

Even though Rachael was almost two years older than me we had been best friends since I could walk. I guess being cousins you don’t really have much of a choice but we lived only about a mile apart and we were inseparable for the past ten years. We knew each other’s secrets, well, most of them anyway.

“You should be careful around Money,” Rachael told me about an hour after I first saw him. We had been smiling back and forth for most of that time and I couldn’t stop talking about how fine he was.

“He’s got a bad reputation and has had a lot of girlfriends.”

“So,” I said smiling across the room at my newest crush.

“I’ve had a lot of boyfriends,” I reminded her. She laughed at my statement.

“Liking a boy for a week or two and calling him your boyfriend isn’t exactly the same thing as having a boyfriend, Lisa,” she corrected me.

“How many of them have you had sex with?” That was a rhetorical question as she already knew that I hadn’t had sex with any of them. Having sex with a boy cemented your relationship and as far as she knew I was still a virgin but that was one of my secrets she didn’t know.

“I’ve kissed them you know!” I huffed slightly offended by her tone. “Just because I’m younger doesn’t mean that I don’t know what love is. I just haven’t met the right guy yet.”

“Whatever,” she said rolling her eyes. “Anyway what would your dad say about you liking a black guy?” she asked staring at me to gauge my reaction. I had to admit that the dozen or so “boyfriends” I’d had were all white, except for one that was kinda Hispanic. I never thought about dating a black guy but I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

“He will probably freak out at first,” I said smiling. I knew my dad and knew from his various comments about blacks that he didn’t really care for them. There was this one black guy at his work that he was constantly complaining about and often called him a nigger. Money was different and I figured after they met that he’d grow to like him. I looked back toward Money and smiled when our eyes met again.

“Didn’t your parents say that you can’t have a boyfriend until you’re sixteen?” She already knew that so I rolled my eyes at her question.

“Yea, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them,” I smirked. I had already had a dozen boyfriends that they knew nothing about. I wasn’t sure if Money thought I was smiling at him or not but he came over and sat next to me on the couch.

“Hey beautiful,” he said taking my hand and kissing the back. I gasped. No one had ever called me that and certainly no one kissed my hand before.

“You’re Lisa, right?” I nodded. For some reason I couldn’t find my words to reply. I was shy and nervous and felt childishly stupid for not saying anything.

“Scott told me all about you,” he grinned. My smile faded as I shot an angry glare toward my older cousin.

“What did he say about me?!?” Money chuckled and shook his head.

“Nothing really, just that you are his younger cousin and that you don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Oh,” I replied feeling slightly foolish. Scott had teased me relentlessly for years and I could only image what it was he said about me. He patted my hand and I stared down at his long, beefy black fingers wrapped around my delicate pale palm. The color contrast was incredible as his jet black digits crossed over my lily-white ones. He wasn’t just black, he was really black and I got my fair skin from my mother’s Irish ancestry, along with my green eyes and strawberry-blonde hair.

We talked for hours and even headed into the backyard after my aunt got home for some privacy. They had a pool and we sat beside it talking about everything and he seemed really interested in me and what I had to say. He didn’t see me as an immature fourteen-year-old and his personality was very warm and inviting. It was the best three hours I’d ever spend with a guy and before I knew it the sun had gone down and I was late getting home.

“Lemme give you a ride home,” he said after I explained that I was late.

“That’s okay, I can walk,” I said not wanting to inconvenience him.

“I ain’t gunna have that!” he mockingly scolded me.

“I’ve gotta bounce myself and it ain’t no trouble,” he smiled broadly. God that smile.

I agreed and we left, leaving through the side gate without telling anyone goodbye. I’d talk to Rachael later. When we reached his car I nearly fell over as it was the ultimate in nice cars. It was silver and blue and looked like one of the cars you’d see in the Fast and Furious movies. I was very impressed as I had never really seen one like this up close, let alone actually rode in one!

He held my hand for the five minutes it took to get to my house and I could feel the electricity flowing between us. He didn’t try to kiss me and didn’t touch me, except for my hand. He was a true gentleman, which made me like him even more. We exchanged phone numbers and like a giddy school girl I got out and rushed inside the house. I had never felt that way about anyone and I swear that I was floating as I walked. Money was wonderful and I couldn’t wait to call Rachael to tell her about him!

“Did he kiss you?” she wanted to know details. I giggled at the thought and told her no.

“He’s not like that. He’s different,” I explained. I was old enough to know what most guys wanted but Money wasn’t looking for sex. He liked me for me and sex would come later, when I was ready.

“You do know how old he is, right?” she asked. I was curious about the question as she was sitting right next to me when he told me.

“He’s nineteen,” I announced, almost boasting because an older guy was interested in me.

“He said that but do you believe him?”

“Yea. Why?”

“Money was a senior when Scott was a freshman and I heard that he got held back one year so that means he’s about five years older than Scott. Scott turned nineteen in January, remember?” It took a few seconds to do the math in my head.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said not concerned about him being ten years older than me but telling me he was younger.

“Age is just a number,” I repeated his earlier comment.

“Just be careful,” she said always looking out for me. “He’ll probably want sex and then dump you when you put out. Guys are like that you know.”

“Maybe the guys you know, Rach, but Money’s different.” I kept saying that and I guess deep down I believed it. He was too nice to do something like that to me. We talked a little longer before I hung up to take a shower. I couldn’t stop thinking about my newest love interest and it kept a smile on my face.

When my phone rang an hour later I was surprised to see Scott’s name on the call ID. He never called me and I forgot that I even had his number in my phone. Curious about his call I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey Lisa, it’s Scott.”

“Yea, I’ve got caller ID, Scott, I already knew that.”

“Right, anyway what do you think about my friend Money? He’s great, right?”

“Yea I like him.”

“I think you two are perfect for each other. You should totally date.” That was weird. Why was Scott so interested in me going out with Money? He’s always been indifferent towards me, well except for the past few months he’s been staring at me a lot, but basically I was no better than a bug on the wall in his eyes. Why the change?

“I don’t know, if it happens it happens. I like him though. He’s sweet.”

“He really likes you too, Lisa. He wants to go out with you but he’s afraid you won’t because he’s black.” Why was my cousin playing match maker?

“I don’t care about that, Scott. I like him and if we don’t go out it will be for some other reason, not because he’s black.”

“Cool. Just keep an open mind and if he asks you on a date, you should totally go. I’ve known Money since high school and he’s the perfect guy for you, I promise.” He sounded like my dad trying to close the deal on a used car. I smiled at the thought.

“I have to go,” I replied feeling good about him trying to set us up. Money must be shy or something and had Scott call to find out the possibility of going out. Things like that were done all the time in my school. I hung up and sat for the longest time thinking about Money. He was the best guy I’d ever known and I really liked him.

I was anxious to talk to Money again but had to wait until Brooke fell asleep or else she’d tell my dad that I was talking on the phone after 10, my phone curfew. We had one day left of Spring break and my stupid little sister stayed up until almost midnight. As soon as I heard her snoring I dialed his number and smiled when he answered. We talked just about everything until three in the morning, making plans to do something later that day.

I couldn’t wait for his text to tell me when to meet him and couldn’t control my excitement when it finally came just after we got home from church. I told my parents that Rachael and I were doing something that day and gave an indefinite time on when I’d be home.

“Be home by eight!” my father called to me as I opened the front door. I sighed. I was fourteen-years-old and still had to be home by 8 O’clock! How embarrassing. I smiled when I saw the flashy silver and blue car parked across the street from my house and all my worries melted away.

We had lunch on the board walk and walked along the beach for a few hours before heading over to catch a movie and then had ice cream. It was the best date ever! The only problem was when we were heading back to his car two jerks started giving us a hard time, calling Money names. He didn’t acknowledge them and we kept walking. They were making me nervous as they kept following us and saying rude things to us, but mostly about Money being black.

“Why don’t you take your little nigger-lovin’ whore outta here and go back where you belong, nigger!” one of them shouted. Up until that point Money kept his cool and didn’t say anything back to them. After the jerk said that Money turned toward them and took a set closer.

“What you said?” he asked glaring at the pair. One was smaller than Money but the other was just as tall but stockier. I was worried about him confronting two guys like that.

“I said for you to take your nigger-loving little white-ass whore and get the fuck outta here, NIGGER!” He said really emphasizing the last word. I saw the muscles in Money’s jaw tighten up and his fists clenched.

“You owe the lady an apology,” he said staring them down and taking a step closer to the one talking the most.

“We don’t owe her shit,” the mouthy one replied before looking at me. “You need to be with your own kind and leave this porch monkey alone!” He hissed in my direction. “Or you’ll just be another single white slut with a black baby!”

I hardly saw Money move but before I knew it, he was on the guy that insulted us as they fell to the ground and was punching him in the face really fast and hard. The other guy tried to pull him off only to feel the wrath of a very solid punch to the stomach. He doubled over as Money returned his vengeance to the rude one.

The entire ‘fight’ only lasted about a minute but he did some real damage to that guys face. His friend was sitting on the pavement holding his stomach but keeping his distance. Just as quickly as it started it was over and Money wiped the guy’s blood off of his fists on the shirt of the guy he had just beaten up.

“Let’s go,” he said approaching me and putting his arm around my shoulders. Nothing else was said until we got into the car and started to drive away. I was still shaken up by what happened.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he said wiping the sweat from his brow. “Assholes like that don’t deserve to live!”

“What was that all about?”

“Just a couple of assholes tryin’ to intimidate us. White boys don’t like seein’ ‘their’ white girls with black guys, especially one as beautiful as you are,” he said smiling at me.

I felt so proud. Not only had he defended my honor and proved that he could protect me, he punctuated it with an amazing compliment. I never really thought of myself as beautiful although people often compare me to a young Nicole Kidman but in a compact size. I took his right arm and hugged it for a while.

I looked at my phone and sighed upon realizing that it was 6:46 and I had to get home soon. I didn’t want the date to end but knew that it must. I mentioned this to Money and he grudgingly turned toward my house. I never felt so disappointed in my life.

“Want me to take you home or drop you off at Scott’s?” he asked.

“How about half way? There’s an empty lot about a block from my house that we can go and have some privacy.”

“Privacy? Whatcha plannin’ on doin’ to me?’ he asked smirking.

“I dunno, I guess we can talk or something.”

“Or something?” I giggled and reached over to take his hand, pulling it onto my lap until we turned down my street. I pointed to the overgrown row of bushes obscuring the shell of the burned out house destroyed a few years ago. It’s been vacant since but sometimes the kids will play in the yard. We turned in and he shut off the engine.

“Thanks for the really nice date,” I said moving closer. The center console separated us but I was as close as I could get and still be in my seat.

“Thank you for comin’. I had a nice time too.”

“And thanks for beating up those guys,” I said smiling.

“I would have just left ‘em alone but they had to start on you. I won’t let no one talk ‘bout my boo like that.”

“Your boo?” I had never heard that word before.

“Yea. It’s a black thang I guess. It means you’re like my girlfriend.”

“Your girlfriend?!?” I suddenly felt a head rush and my heart was pounding in my chest.

“Sorry. I’m prob’ly jumpin’ the gun, I mean we just met yesterday and everything, but I feel like I’ve known you forev’a.”

“Yea, me too!” I shouted feeling giddy.

“I didn’t mean nuttin’ by it, I mean callin’ you my boo.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“Really?”

“Not at all. But what do I call you?”

“Whatev’a you want, boo,” he said smiling. I smiled back.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything. I’ll always tell you the truth.”

“Why haven’t you tried to kiss me?” He got a weird look on his face. The entire time we’ve been together he’s held my hand, put his arm around my shoulders or put his hand on the small of my back but nothing more.

“I didn’t want to come off too strong and scare you off. I really like you, Lisa.”

“I like you too,” I said putting my hand on his leg. He placed his giant hand over mine and totally eclipsed it. We stared at each other for about ten seconds in silence.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Are you going to kiss me or not!”

With a momentary chuckle he leaned closer to me and I shut my eyes. His lips were large and full and covered mind like a warm heavy blanket. I sighed into his mouth as his tongue made a brief entry but then retracted. It was magical and I tingled all over. It was by far the best kiss I’d ever had and I just melted into the passenger seat. Time stood still as we kissed for what seemed like forever but it wasn’t long enough. I wanted it to go on and on but eventually he pulled away and I moaned softly.

“WOW!” I exclaimed still having the tingling feeling.

“‘WOW’ is right,” he said smiling. “You’re a great kisser.”

“That was amazing.” With a smile he leaned closer and kissed me again, using a little more tongue this time. I was Jello and can’t describe the incredible feeling I had all over. It was like Christmas, New Year’s Eve and my birthday all rolled up into one!

I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t notice when he pulled away from me as my lips were still tingling from his touch.

“I hate for this to end but you bess be gettin’ home or your dad might get mad.”

“OH my god, Money, you’re the best kisser ever!” He smiled at me before reaching over to open my door.

“Bess be hurryin’ home, boo.” With trepidation I stepped out of his car and looked at him from the opened door. I didn’t want to leave but knew that I had to. I tried burning an image of his face into my mind to remember him by.

“I’ll call you when my sister goes to sleep,” I told him and he nodded.

“Thanks fo’ a great time,” he said smiling. I returned the smile and shut the door. My eyes followed his car as he pulled out and disappeared down the street. I remained standing there for a few minutes before heading home and walked in at seven-thirty with a huge smile on my face.

“You’re late for dinner,” my father called out from his Lazy Boy. He was always sitting in that worn-out chair.

“Sorry, Rach and I got to talking and I lost track of time.” I have always been a good girl and never caused problems for my parents so they didn’t really question me.

“Help your mom with the dishes,” he said slipping the fingers of his right hand into the top of waist band of his boxers. While home he wore only a tee shirt and boxers. I grew up seeing this so it was nothing new.

“Hungry?” my mother asked as I entered the kitchen. Even though I only had an ice cream over the past five hours I wasn’t hungry. I guess I was ‘living on love’ and didn’t have an appetite. I helped with the dishes and headed for the bathroom to take a shower. I had school in the morning.

I had just turned on the water when my phone rang. It was Rachael.

“How was your date?”

“Oh my god, Rach!” I couldn’t contain my excitement. “The best ever!”

“Did he kiss you?”

“Yep.”

“And?”

“He’s a great kisser.”

“What else did you do?”

“Nothing, why?”

“I know how much you like him but I don’t want you to do anything stupid.”

“You mean sex?”

“I know you won’t do that, Lisa, hell you’re still a virgin and you don’t want you first time to be with a black guy.”

“What does that mean?” The memory of that two guys from earlier suddenly surfaced. Was she racist too?

“I mean you know what they say about black guys, they’re really hung.”

“Hung? What do you mean?” I hadn’t heard that term either.

“Come on, Lisa, you’re not that naive.”

“I’m serious, what do you mean by ‘hung’?”

“They’re dicks are fuckin’ huge, that’s what I mean. You’re small and he’s big and I’m sure he’s got a really big dick and he’ll probably rip you in half if you tried to have sex with him your first time.”

I was quiet for a long time.

“You didn’t, did you?”

“Not with Money.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m not a virgin.”

“WHAT!?!? What the fuck, Lisa! Who was it?”

“No one you know.” I lied.

“Come on, girl, you gotta tell me! When did this happen?”

“It kinds started last summer but we didn’t actually have sex until November.”

“IN NOVEMBER? THAT WAS FIVE MONTHS AGO?!?! You popped your cherry five months ago and I’m just now finding out about it?!?”

“I didn’t want you to know, Rach, I’m sorry.”

“Why not? Where did you meet him? What was it like? Did he have a big dick?” The questions were coming at me faster than I could respond.

“SLOW DOWN!” I interrupted her. “I can’t answer that many questions.”

“Sorry. Where did you meet him?”

“Through a friend.”

“Do you still see him?”

“Every once in a while.”

“What was it like having sex?”

“You know that answer, Rachael!” I quipped. She had her first real boyfriend and lost her virginity two summers ago so she should know.

“Whatever. Anyway, how big is his dick?”

“Why is that important?”

“It’s not. I’m just curious.”

“I’m not sure how long it is but it’s pretty thick. I can’t get my fingers around it all the way.”

“Wow! Nice. Did it hurt?”

“The first couple of times it did but not much anymore.”

“What? Wait a minute, Lisa. Are you saying you did it more than once?”

“Yes. We did it like six times. I did it with my mouth a few times too.”

“HOLY SHIT! You little minx! What’s his name?” I was taken back by that question and didn’t want to tell her the truth as she may figure out who it is.

“Danny.”

“Danny? Where does he live?”

“Not far.”

“What’s he look like? How old is he?

“He’s older and he’s kinda cute.”

“Older? Like how much older.”

“Look, I gotta take a shower now so I need to go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“WAIT! You can’t leave me hanging like this, Lisa. I need details!”

“Later, I promise.”

“You better,” she warned. I ended the call and sat on the toilet seat staring at the water cascading down the shower glass.

How could I tell her the truth? How could I tell her that the man that took my virginity, the one I had sex with a half a dozen times, and the one that makes me suck his hairy old cock every time we’re alone is her own father and my mother’s brother?

He had always been Uncle Dennis to me and before a year ago we had a great relationship. Then puberty started and I seemed to have caught his eye. He began looking at me differently and acting weird around me, especially last summer in the pool. He became touchy-feely all the time and before I knew it, he had me cornered and helpless. That first time hurt like hell, even with all the lube he used. I was just not equipped to handle something his size, not at that time. I was too afraid to tell anyone that first time and my silence seemed to have given him permission to continue.

The pounding on the door startled me.

“Hurry up already!” Cory shouted from the hallway. “You’re not the only one needing the bathroom!”

With my thoughts interrupted I undressed and quickly showered. I tried to shake the thoughts of my uncle and what happened between us but couldn’t. In a way I felt responsible as I didn’t tell him no and I didn’t fight him. Perhaps if I had or threatened to tell on him it wouldn’t have happened and I would still be pure. I stopped going over to their house as often and usually leave when he’s home because of it.

I was so afraid when we nearly get caught and freaked out last Christmas when I swear I heard the bedroom door open and close while he was having sex with me but no one said anything so it must have been my imagination. He has had sex with me every BBQ Sunday this year and I always have the feeling that someone is watching us. I guess I’m just being paranoid.

Slowly I opened the door to find Cory standing there with his hands on his hips.

“‘Bout time!” he grumbled before pushing past me.

Brooke was watching some lame Disney show on TV in our bedroom and I sat absentmindedly on my bed wondering how I was going to stop my uncle from doing anything else to me and how I was going to explain to Rachael who ‘Danny’ was. My thoughts turned to Money and I smiled. Somehow he made me feel better. We talked on the phone after my sister fell asleep until after midnight. I dreamed of him that night and woke with beaming with joy.

“Hey beautiful, needa ride?” I heard someone calling to me after school. I turned to see Money’s flashy silver and blue car driving beside me as I walked home. My face nearly split from my wide smile.

“Money!” I cried out and quickly got in. We were only able to talk for about two hours last night as he had someplace to go and it left me feeling empty and sad but seeing him now brightened my whole day.

Even before my door was shut I leaned over the console and gave him a big kiss. I didn’t care who saw or what they thought about it, he was my boyfriend and I was going to kiss him! I thought of nothing all day but him and seeing him in person gave me the greatest delight. As soon as I shut my door he accelerated quickly and pulled into traffic with the music blaring some unknown rap song. It wasn’t something I normally listen to but it was his car so he can listen to whatever he wants to.

I felt his hand on my leg and gasped. The tingling feeling ran all the way up my spine and seemed to overload my brain. He squeezed my leg and moved his hand a few inched up my leg. I couldn’t help but look at his crotch with curiosity. Was what Rachael said true? He certainly filled out the crotch of his pants but was that all his penis? I squinted to see if I could make out the shape.

“See anything interesting?”

Quickly I looked at his face and saw him staring at me with a smirk.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and felt my face turning red.

“Don’t be. I’m sure you’re interested in seeing me just as I’m interested in seeing you.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t have much to look at,” I sighed. Puberty hadn’t been kind to me and most of the other girls in my school are way more developed than I was.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” he said winking. Looking out the window I noticed that he wasn’t going toward my house.

“Where are we going?”

“My roommates ain’t home right now. I thought maybe you’d like to see where I stay.”

“See where you live?” I repeated to make sure we were talking about the same thing. I hadn’t really thought about going to his place before. What he expected something from me?

“Yea, but only if you want to. No pressure. If you’d rather not just say the word and I’ll take you home.” I felt like a child. Here he’s been the perfect gentleman with me and I’m afraid of being alone with him?

“No, it’s cool. I’d like to see where you live.”

“Cool. It ain’t far,” he said gunning the engine.

“You said ‘roommates’. How many do you have?”

“Just two. We rent a three bedroom apartment and we each have our own space. We pretty much stay out of each other’s business but I thought it would be better if they weren’t there your first time.”

“Are they guys?”

“Of course,” he smiled toward me. “You wouldn’t want your boyfriend living with two girls now would you?” I laughed at that. That was true.

We drove in silence for the last few blocks and I kept stealing glances of his crotch. Curiosity was getting the best of me. Funny but the day before we spent hours together and not once did I try to see his crotch and now I can’t help but stare.

My attention was broken as we turned into the modest apartment complex with several buildings. They all looked the same and were three stories high. It wasn’t in the best neighborhood and could use some fresh paint but overall it wasn’t bad. We drove around to the back and he parked in front of building ‘E’. I left my backpack in the backseat as we headed up the three flights of stairs.

I looked around the neighborhood and felt uneasy. Inglewood looks a lot different than Hancock Park and I had never seen so many blacks at one time in my life. I wasn’t racist, just uncomfortable being around so many at one time. I didn’t see any other white people but that was just at his apartment complex. I was sure there were white people somewhere in Inglewood.

“It ain’t nuttin’ special but its home,” he said unlocking the door. What he said was true as the sparse furniture and decorations left a lot to be desired. After shutting the door he steered me toward the sofa and pushed me onto it.

“Want something to drink? Coke or something?”

“Sure,” I muttered while still glancing around the room. He returned a while later with a glass of dark soda and a beer.