Based on the experience of Cindi Barton

WHY YOUR BROTHER?

You probably love your father too, but he’s not the same. You and your dad aren’t equal in deciding. Saying OK doesn’t legitimize a damn thing; he’s still raping you. I said, RAPING YOU. Find a safer place for you and your younger sisters. Call the police.

If your brother is coercing you, it’s hardly mutual. Tell Mom.

If we’re just horny, there are millions of studs. As Woody Allen observed, “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s a pretty good one.” So go to a singles bar. Put an ad in the paper, “Enjoy sunsets, classic rock, California wine and sexual intercourse.” If the “Women seeking Men” listings don’t like that last word, then, “F-150 Ford trucks.” You probably don’t want to look for your guy at a contra dance.

Inebriated siblings have sex, but it isn’t worth much. If you bed your brother the first time you get itchy, maybe you’re a natural rabbit. That’s too bad, because you’ll end up eating lettuce. If it takes a while to share intimacy, you’ve got the time. That can be just as exciting as proving it. More exciting, even, because you watch it come to be.

Without affection, you might as well just study some sex manual. Ever tried the Indonesian Helicopter? I’m not here to discuss mechanics. The mechanics take care of themselves.

HESITATION

Of course you’ve got trepidation. Without some, you’d have the integrity of a rabbit. Sex is scary at first. Your brother has his doubts too. It’s not your job to make up his mind, but it’s something you can encourage...

You’d never ask, “Shall we have sex? Yes or No?” But you might try, “A part of us wants to, but a part of us is used to how it was before. We’re just showing how we feel, right? Don’t push it in unless you want to. Just a little bit.”

Or, “There are so many things to think about, right? But know what? Knowing we’re with the one we want to be with puts the rest in perspective. I’ll pick up some condoms in case we ever want to think about using them.”

Or even, “Part of you wants to love me like a woman, but part of you knows I’m your little sister. too. Can’t I be both? Go in really slowly.”

Did you catch how to elicit positive progressive responses? Psychology? Is psychology a science? No. We don’t have to convince chemicals to react.

Hesitation isn’t a one-time issue. You’ll deal with it over and over, but each time, hesitate about something a bit closer to where you want to end up.

The thing is, your mom’s hard to fool. It would depend on if she had a brother herself, maybe.

VIRGINITY

Four possibilities.

(1) Virgins Both

If the two of you learn together, you’re luckier than hell. You’ll love figuring it out. The grins you’ll share in later years! It wouldn’t be more rewarding just because one of you knew something Indonesian.

Ever see Blue Lagoon? Brook Shields was just 15 when she played the role in the nude! But as she posed naked when five years earlier, maybe 15’ is no big deal. When I was 15, I looked about 10, so she beat me for the role. The movie will make you and your brother want to lose your innocence together.

(2) Virgin Brother, Experienced Sister

A lesbian lover, so I’m told, wants to know all your history. Your brother’s not a lesbian unless your mom’s trans or something.

Say that you’ve already been reamed by a studly cock that drove you to twenty minutes of unabashed ecstasy? Well, hot shit! That fucker’s probably right now wagging his magical dick for some slut who says she’s twenty-one and rouges her nipples. Your brother has to start somewhere and you should be honored.

Don’t instruct. He’ll learn about your clitoris in good time.

Put your other relationships on hold for a while. Your brother’s not going elsewhere yet, so reciprocate. He’ll improve in bed a lot faster if you need him.

(3) Virgin Sister, Experienced Brother

As sexist as it is, your dear brother was just doing what society expects guys to do.

(4) Virgins Neither

If you’re both already comfortable with sex, you’ll know what signals to pass to date closer to home. It’s you refuge from exhaustive casual sex with hardly-known partners. You can doze knowing you’ll be resting your cheek on his little mole forever.

You think I’m just making this up? In “Brothers & Sisters” (St. Martins, 1991), J. Mersky Leder estimates that 2.3 percent of us have sex with our brother before age 18. Should be in your library.

I’ve summarized some other sister-brother studies at the end of what you’re reading. One suggests that it might be 2 percent prior to age 14. Another estimate, 17 percent. Another, 15. And another, that 12 percent of our household partners are brothers. We know we’re out there.

Seventy-three percent of boys and 56 percent of girls have intercourse by age 18, according to the web (as if that makes it reliable). As 2 to 17 still isn’t much compared to 56 percent, those of us who’ve slept with brothers are in the minority.

If you’re into statistics, there’s the Chi-square test, but wait, you say. We aren’t independent. If my brother wasn’t sexually active, maybe it’s tied to our values and I’m also more likely to be a virgin, as well. Maybe right. Real-life falls somewhere between statistical independence and perfect correlation. Do you really care? OK, no.

BRA

Maybe nothing has yet occurred between you two. You just like each other and you think thoughts. There’s nothing weird about being attracted. So what makes something kick in? It’s our breasts.

Imagine asking your brother what color of blouse you wore yesterday? “Orange maybe.” You don’t even own orange because you’re a Winter. Then ask what color of bra? “Black, I guess.” It’s no guess; he remembers exactly: lace trim, shows a little nipple, straps that slip. He checks out your back every day before school.

It usually only takes a button. He’ll never get tired of your bra as long as it pretends to be covered. If you’re an A, hunch your shoulders together so the cups fall away to show the real deals. Loosen your strap for it to work well.

Upstairs, walk around without your blouse, but don’t go walking around topless. Leave his imagination room to travel. If it’s dim in the hall, though, it’s fun to streak from the bathroom with a towel just around your waist. “Don’t look.”

PANTIES

If your nightgown rides up while watching TV, him seeing doesn’t matter because you’re in your own house.

Sometimes leave your door a little open. He shouldn’t enter your room uninvited with you half-dressed, but so what if he happens to be passing? Watch how often he’s in the hall. “Hey bro’, when you come back from the bathroom, bring my hairbrush? The red one.” Stand in front of your mirror combing and ask him about who gets picked up when from school tomorrow.