Chapter 1

It was the beginning of May 2001 and my daughter Julie was eagerly looking forward to graduating high school. Because her birthday fell just a few days after the cut off she had to start school the following year so she was now 18 years old.

That day she came running into the house after school chattering like a chipmunk on Red Bull. “Daddy it’s here! My cap and gown for graduation! It’s here!” she said, showing me the white box she had brought home.

I had been sitting at the kitchen table paying some bills so she came over and set the box on the other side of the table. She opened the box and showed me the treasure inside.

“See Daddy? See how pretty it is?” She stroked the purple gown material, beaming with pride. Her school colors were purple and gold so the gown was purple with gold trim on the edges as well as a gold rope sash and gold tassel on the cap.

“Yes, honey, it is pretty. Maybe after dinner you can try it on and see how it fits,” I said.

“Okay. What’s for dinner?”

“Well, I was thinking of ordering a couple of pizzas. You okay with that?”

“Of course Daddy! You know I love pizza!” she said, throwing her arms around my neck as I sat there at the table.

“Yes, babygirl, I know you and pizza were made for each other! Now why don’t you take this cap and gown into your room while I clear off the table and order the pizzas. We don’t want to get it messed up.”

“Okay Daddy. I’m going to change clothes while I’m in there too.” She padded off happily towards her room with her prize.

I ordered us a couple of pizzas and as we ate dinner, she regaled me with all the latest high school gossip. I learned that Becky Sanders was mad at her boyfriend because he made eyes at some other girl. That Mr. Thompson the science teacher was out sick and the substitute was in her words “dreamy”, and that the star football quarterback, Billy Matthews, had been accepted to play college for the University of Alabama on a scholarship.

Once dinner was over and she had helped me clean the table off and wipe it down, I went in to sit in my old recliner. “Daddy can I show you my cap and gown now?” she asked.

“Sure honey, go put it on, and let’s have a look.” She scampered back to her room and a few minutes later I heard a voice calling from around the corner.

“Okay Daddy, close your eyes. Are they closed?”

“Yes honey.”

“Are you sure? No peeking!”

“I’m not peeking, sweetheart.”

A moment later I heard her again. “Okay Daddy, I’m ready.”

I opened my eyes to a vision straight from heaven. Where once a young girl stood with her teddy bear and pigtails, a beautiful, amazing woman now took her place.

“Oh my God, angel ... you are so beautiful!” I said once I choked down my heart which had lept into my throat at the sight of my grownup daughter.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

I stood up to get a better view of my not-so-little girl. “Oh honey, your mother would be so very proud of how you have turned out. You are a spitting image of your mother at your age. That’s why I fell in love with her!”

And she was. It was almost scary how much she was like my Rebecca. Same soft blue eyes, same long shimmering blonde hair, same light up the whole room smile. And although I hated to admit it, the same stunning figure too. Yep, she was a knockout, just like her mother was.

“Oh Daddy, I love you!” she said, putting her arms around me and hugging me tightly.

After hugging for a few precious moments, she went back to her room to take off the cap and gown and then came back to sit on the sofa with me.

We began watching some old movie – I can’t even remember what it was, to be honest. All I know is that Julie laid her head down in my lap and I subconsciously began playing with her hair just like I used to do with Rebecca when we would watch TV.

And just like her mother, Julie began softly purring happy as a little kitten. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I guess my hand moved on its own accord a little lower than it should have if I were paying more attention.

Julie didn’t say anything and she didn’t jump up shocked or anything. She actually let my hand move over her breast for a bit until a fortunate commercial break brought me back to reality and I pulled my hand away quickly. Embarrassed, I didn’t apologize and hoped she hadn’t noticed. She didn’t act as if she had, so I thought I was in the clear. But I kicked myself mentally for being so stupid.

The rest of that evening I was acutely aware of what my hands were doing and we finished watching TV. It got late and so once Julie had gone to bed I went back into the living room and took my dear wife’s picture off the wall and sat down with it in my lap. I cried most of that night over losing the love of my life, my little girl was a woman now and most probably be leaving me soon, and the fact that death didn’t even have the mercy to take me away.

I lost my dear Rebecca about ten years prior to cancer. We were high school sweethearts and got married shortly after graduating. As we began our life together I couldn’t imagine life being any more blissful. Then we had a little girl and everything I knew about being happy was thrown out the window. We were over the moon happy. I had a beautiful wife, a beautiful little girl, and all was right with the world.

But it’s when things are going a little too right that this world tends to kick you right in the nuts. My Rebecca started feeling tired a lot. I thought she was just working too hard. I even offered to hire a housekeeper to help out around the house.

But then she went to the doctor and that’s when we learned that it was more than just overwork. And I had to watch the light of my life slowly dim day after day until one day that light didn’t shine anymore.

Sometime during the night I must have fallen asleep because when the sun’s rays were at the right angle to stream through the window and wake me, I woke to my wife’s picture back on the wall and a blanket covering me. My sweet Julie must have seen me asleep on the couch and took care of me.

But Julie was still asleep in the back bedroom so I got up and started a pot of coffee. I had just sat down with my first cup when a sleepyheaded Julie came into the dining room.

“Morning Daddy,” she said rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Morning sweetheart. Thanks for the blanket last night. Guess I fell asleep on the couch.” I said.

“Yes you did. I came in for a drink of water at about 3:00 am this morning and found you lying on the couch. I picked up Mom’s picture and hung it up, then got you a blanket and covered you.”

“Yeah, I guess seeing you in your cap and gown brought back memories. You looked exactly like your Mom did when we graduated.”

“I’m sorry Daddy, I didn’t know that my graduating would bring up those painful memories.”

“It’s not your fault honey. I’ll be okay. I just need to put it to bed again. Your Mom and I had been looking forward to the day you would graduate and we could see you walk across the stage like we did. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to get you the graduation present we were going to get you. I just didn’t feel right about getting it without her.”

“It’s okay Daddy I understand, really I do. You have been a wonderful father and any girl would be lucky to have you ... I certainly am,” she said, taking my hand.

“Oh babygirl, it has been both an honor and a pleasure to be your father. I couldn’t be more proud of you and I know your mother is smiling down from heaven right now knowing what a wonderful girl ... what a wonderful woman you have become.”

The days went by and soon it was Julie’s graduation day. I somehow managed to keep it together long enough to not embarrass us both by breaking down in public. My Julie was absolutely radiant and it was almost as if I had Rebecca instead of Julie on my arm that day.

Because the graduation ceremonies started at 3:00 pm and it was a fairly large graduating class this year, things didn’t wind down until nearly 5:30 pm. As it was late, I decided to take my girl out to dinner to celebrate. Second only to pizza is Julie’s love of Mexican food so I found a nice Mexican restaurant that had good food. We ate and enjoyed this special evening together.

When we got home and she’d changed out of her cap and gown she came and sat down on the sofa next to me. But she was strangely quiet for such a momentous day. It wasn’t like her – a day like today would normally be filled with all kinds of news and gossip. But there was nothing ... it was like she was preoccupied with something very important weighing on her.