Chapter 10

It’s ironic that, while I’d worried endlessly that we’d be discovered sleeping naked together, when the “other shoe finally fell,” that isn’t what happened at all. I woke to a gentle knock on Lily’s door. Before I could come to my senses and disengage from her, Mom came in. “Lily,” she said. “I wanted to apologize for...” She stopped, staring at us. Guiltily, I jerked my hands away from Lily’s chest, and fumbled around for a while, not sure where to put them.

Mom looked ... well, surprised at the very least. I don’t think the full import of what she was seeing had registered. Of course, we were both fully dressed (insofar as Lily’s outfit, with her blouse hanging completely off her shoulder and her midriff showing, could be considered fully dressed). But unquestionably she had seen that my hands were cupping Lily’s breasts, and it was dawning on her that something wasn’t quite right.

To her credit, she didn’t freak out, or really even refer to the situation directly. She said, “Oh, Robbie. I didn’t realize you were here.” Lily was apparently awake (I couldn’t see if her eyes were open) and Mom apologized for just coming in and not waiting after she knocked, explaining that she wanted to apologize for the fight and that she’d discussed it with Dad and Lily could keep the outfit, and wear the jeans, but not to school. The blouse, she said, would still probably fit her in a few years and maybe she could wear that then - we’d see. She trailed off.

After a pause, she said: “Robbie, you should go to bed. Lily, you need to get ready for bed too. Tomorrow is a school day.” Lily said, “OK, Mom,” and clambered out of her bed. So did I. I realized later that Mom might have seen the wet spot, as it was quite prominent. In any case, she left without further comment, and we took turns brushing our teeth and washing our faces. Then Lily followed me into “our” room.

Mom had behaved so normally that I guess we both assumed that nothing had changed, but - as we were beginning to undress - Mom knocked on my door. I hurriedly pulled my jeans back up. Lily already had her top off, and stood there placidly in her bra, making no attempt to cover up. I said “yes?” and Mom said, “can I come in?” I shrugged and said “OK.” The door open, and Mom came in, looked first at me, then at Lily, and sighed.

“Kids,” she said, “Dad and I think you’re getting too old to be sleeping in the same bed anymore. I know” — she raised her hand in protest against the look of leaden shock on my face — “you’ve always done it, and it was fine, fine when you were younger, but...” She paused, then sighed. “Robbie, you’re already almost a man. Lily is developing into a young woman. It’s ... it’s just not done. For a brother and sister to sleep together” — she hastily reworded her thought — “sleep in, in the same bed at your age. OK? I know it’ll be hard to get used to the change, but please do it for me.”

I couldn’t look at her, or at Lily, but stared down at the floor, a flush suffusing my face. Mom had no idea, no idea at all of the whole compass of what Lily and I had been doing all this time. We’d just been caught, not even naked for God’s sake, just ... just touching in an intimate way. And now, and now ... it was all over. My life was over. I thought I could bear it if we weren’t able to make each other come any more, but I knew I couldn’t survive without the centering feeling of cuddling Lily every night.

My mind raced through alternate scenarios - suppose Mom had found us in Lily’s bed, but just with our arms around each other as we had slept since we were little? Suppose she had come into my room, as I’d always feared, and found us not only embracing, but naked - perhaps it still would have seemed more innocent than me with my hands on Lily’s breasts, embracing her from behind.

It was no use, though; that wasn’t what had happened. And as calmly as our mother was taking it, there was no question that she was laying down the law; neither of us would dare to disobey. We had never been rebellious, and our parents treated us (for the most part) as mature enough to be trusted; it wouldn’t have been in our nature to break that trust. Finally, we both muttered “OK,” and Mom left, and that was that.

Lily looked at me sadly, then said, “Robbie ... it’ll just be for a while. I’m sure she’ll let us do it again soon.” She didn’t look like she believed it. I took her into my arms and kissed her as I had earlier in the evening, deeply. Standing up, it felt different yet again, almost like we were actors in some romantic tragedy, kissing for the screen. I felt rotten. I stroked her hair, and said, “Well ... I guess we’d better...” Lily nodded. She got a mischievous look in her eyes and lifted up her bra. “Kiss them!” she whispered.