Chapter 95: Curiosity and an Experimentation

March 28, 1988, Circleville, Ohio

On Monday evening, Mark and Alyssa arrived to babysit Rachel. Katy was home for Spring Break which coincided with Western Easter, and her parents had invited me for a late dinner. As they had the previous time, they departed immediately after dinner saying that they’d be home about 11:30pm.

“What did they say about tonight?” I asked Katy as we did the dishes.

“Just that they had invited you for dinner. After you had dinner here at Christmas, Mom asked how we got along, and I said ‘great’ and that I’d like to see you again. That’s why they invited you.”

“I have to ask, what do they think we’re doing?”

Katy laughed softly, “Exactly what I plan to do! They’re neither foolish nor clueless, and you know they’re hoping you’ll decide to Match at Stanford. I wasn’t silly enough to disabuse them of that idea!”

“Just what kind of person do you think I am, Katy Malenkov?” I asked with a grin.

“You showed me on my nineteenth birthday!”

“And I’m happy to show you again, if that’s what you want.”

“Just like last time?” Katy suggested. “Sauna, then my bed?”

“Absolutely!”

We finished the dishes, then went to the sauna where Katy gave me a slow, sensual blowjob, then to her bed, where we made love twice before showering. As had been the case several times in the past, we were sitting on the couch when her parents arrived home. We chatted for a short time, and then Katy walked me out to my car.

“I won’t be home again for quite some time,” she said. “I start my new job with Sun Microsystems the Monday after graduation. Mom and Dad are flying out to California for graduation, of course. Unless I miss my guess, you’ll have asked someone to marry you before I’m home again.”

“I’d say that’s right, if you don’t come home before Christmas.”

“You’re a good man, Mike Loucks, and whoever you marry will be a very lucky young woman.”

“Thanks. You’re a wonderful young woman and whoever you marry will be a very lucky guy!”

We hugged, exchanged a soft kiss, then I got into my car for the drive home. When I arrived, Mark and Alyssa left. I said my evening prayers, then went to bed.

March 29, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

On Tuesday morning, Rachel and I had breakfast together, said our morning prayers, and then went to the great room. She crawled on the rug with her toys and tried to stand by pulling herself up at the couch, but couldn’t quite make it. While she played, I read The Ladder of Divine Ascent. Around 9:30am the phone rang, and I got up to answer it.

“Loucks residence; Mike speaking.”

“Mike, it’s Samantha Gilbert.”

“Hi, Samantha! How are you?”

“Good! Do you have time to get together and talk?”

“The next two weeks are going to be crazy because of Holy Week.”

“That’s right, you have Easter a week later.”

“Yes. The only time I have free is Friday evening.”

Friday was open because Becka and I had ended our exploration, but other than that, I was busy.

“I’m actually going to be home for the weekend,” Samantha said. “We don’t have class on Good Friday and Good Friday services are at 3:00pm.”

“If you’re OK with having dinner, that would work for me.”

“I’d like that,” Samantha replied. “What time?”

“6:00pm? My shift ends at 5:00pm, and I can pick up Chinese food on the way home.”

“See you at 6:00pm.”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up, then made a notation on the calendar. I returned to the couch, but instead of reading Saint John of the Ladder, I read One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish to Rachel, gave her a bottle of juice, and then put her down for her nap. Once she was settled in her crib, I returned to reading my book until Danika arrived, just after 11:00am.

“Mind if I ask the first question?” I inquired after serving her tea.

“I don’t mind.”

“You said you ‘need’ to be valedictorian. Why?”

“My dad, of course,” Danika replied. “Anything less would disappoint him.”

“The challenge that you have is that the Academic Committee selects the valedictorian and salutatorian from the list of everyone who graduates summa cum laude across all majors.”

“How did you win?”

“I was nominated by two professors and a dean, and was the unanimous choice of the Academic Committee. That was due to a mix of curricular and extracurricular success, as I mentioned. I know how to help you on the academic side, but the non-academic side is something you’ll need to figure out. I’m happy to answer questions and provide guidance, but I can’t tell you what will guarantee success. I’m curious, what will happen if you aren’t chosen?”

“How much do you know about Indian culture?”

“Beyond the basic tenets of Hinduism and Buddhism, and knowledge that a caste system exists, not much, honestly.”

“It’s a very patriarchal society, and parents tend to be domineering. Most decisions are made by parents, including education, choice of careers, and marriage. It’s not quite as strict among the Christians of the Malabar Coast as it is with Hindus, but Kerala, where my family is from, is agricultural and very conservative socially. Normally, the eldest son would be the one who carried on the family business, as it were, but my parents only have three daughters, and I’m the youngest. That’s why I said my dad planned I would be a cardiologist, hoping for a boy.”

“How much of that do you accept?”

“I am the dutiful daughter!”

“Yes, but how much do you accept?”

“I’m a mix of Indian and American cultures, and this is my first time away from home, out from under the watchful eyes of my grandmother and mom.”

“Dad’s mom?”

“Yes. My mom’s entire family is in India. My dad and his parents moved here in 1950, when he was in High School.”

“What does your grandfather do?”

“He was a cardiologist, of course, but he passed from cancer about four years ago, after he had retired. He was at Stanford, which is why Dad was there, of course.”

“And you came here instead of going to California?”

“My dad felt a small state school was a better choice for my undergraduate degree. Of course, I’ll apply to Stanford Medical School.”

“Back to your family, does your dad have someone picked out for you to marry?”

“My mom’s family hasn’t identified an appropriate man of sufficient stature back in India, and none of my dad’s friends here have a suitable son.”

“I’m going to guess he thinks you should marry a doctor or a PhD scientist or engineer? And they need to be Christian, preferably Malankara.”

“Exactly. I did speak to my priest in Cleveland and he agrees with your bishop that there is no problem with me attending Pascha at your parish. Would you be able to give me a ride?”

“Yes,” I replied.

In this instance, I’d call Father Nicholas and let him know, as well as let Sara know, so that there were no misunderstandings.

“Thank you.”

“Let’s go into the kitchen and I’ll make lunch and you can ask your questions.”

Danika nodded and followed me to the kitchen, where I began preparing sandwiches.

“Something I’ve never seen my dad do in my entire life,” Danika observed.

“I’m a pretty good cook, because my mom, despite being Russian, didn’t enforce traditional gender roles. I certainly won’t. Rachel can be whatever she wants to be when she grows up and marry whomever she wants.”

“You plan to remarry at some point, I take it?”

“Yes,” I replied, then joked, “And I’m not averse to an arranged marriage!”

Danika laughed, “I don’t know any Americans who accept that notion!”

“Maybe not,” I replied. “But my wife basically arranged our marriage. The short version is the bishop wanted to ordain me, and was waiting for me to marry. My wife took the bull by the horns, came to me, made her arguments, and was successful in her proposal!”

“You weren’t dating?”

“Not her, no. We’d never been on a date when she approached me.”

“Bold!”

“That is one good word to describe her. Do you have your lab report with you?”

“Yes.”

“OK. I’ll review it while we eat.”

I finished making lunch, put the plates on the table, then sat down, I said the blessing, and we began to eat. I reviewed the lab report, made a few suggestions, but overall it was well done, and she had clearly looked at the examples that had been handed out, which three years later were still mine.

I had the timing for lunch down pat, as Danika and I had just finished eating when Rachel called for me. I went upstairs to find her standing in her crib, picked her up, then took her to the changing table. Five minutes later, clean, with a fresh diaper, and dressed in a sweat suit, I took her downstairs.

“Something else I’ve never seen!” Danika exclaimed.

“We all do what is necessary for those we love, even if we don’t follow the traditional gender roles.”

I made Rachel’s bottle, then sat down to feed her.

“Next week we won’t be able to meet,” I said. “Would Monday of Bright Week work?”

“Yes. 11:30am?” Danika asked.

“Sounds good.”

“Then I’ll leave you with your daughter! What time should I be here on Holy Saturday evening?”

“9:00pm would be good.”

“OK! See you then.”

I walked Danika to the door, and once she’d left, I went back to the kitchen to finish feeding Rachel. We had a good afternoon and evening, and after Lara arrived, I headed to the hospital for my final psych shift.

“We had a breakthrough with Joy this morning,” Doctor Forth said when I went to his office. “She admitted she wanted to kill herself because she was pregnant. Doctor Silver is leading the case.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“You’ve done a good job. Doctor Lawson will provide your formal evaluation tomorrow morning, but rest assured, I gave a glowing report.”

“Thank you.”

“Go relax in the lounge or sleep if you want.”

“I’ll be in the lounge reading, at least for an hour.”

March 30, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

“Close the door and have a seat, Mike,” Doctor Lawson said when I went to his office just before lunch on Wednesday.

I closed the door, then sat down and waited.

“Did you turn in your review?” he asked.

“Yes. I dropped it off on Friday.”

“Good. It won’t surprise you that I received only positive input from the staff. Doctor Forth had some very good things to say about you and said you two had a very frank discussion about your views on the standard of care in psychiatry.”

I smiled, “That’s a polite way to say he set me straight.”

“That’s part of the training, and the fact that you challenged a negative outcome for a friend is not a bad thing. Our biggest challenge is, that for the most part, there are no tests which definitively answer diagnostic questions about the human psyche. And treatment options are often limited. As I’m sure you’re aware, the difference between a personality quirk and a mental illness is hard to define, and often comes down to a simple question, which I’m positive you know.”

“Whether or not the personality trait, or cluster of symptoms, interferes with a patient functioning in society — family, job, or friends — or threatens their life or health.”

Doctor Lawson nodded, “And that is often a judgment call, and as Doctor Forth explained, we are always encouraged to question our colleagues’ judgment. I won’t belabor the point because he was convinced you heard what he said and took it to heart. None of us want to see you lose your idealism, but idealistic crusades will doom your career.

“Success comes from small, incremental changes, not dropping bombs. Think ‘evolution’ not ‘revolution’. Those who champion evolution often succeed, even if success is slow. Those who champion revolution often meet a terrible fate, much like political revolutionaries. If you insist on picking a hill on which to die, the medical community will, more often than not, help you achieve that outcome. I’m sure you know the classic example of a revolution that would have been better received as an evolution.”

“Washing our hands before examining a patient. If Doctor Semmelweis had been more tactful, and tried for incremental changes, he might have had more success, and the ‘Semmelweis effect’ would have a different name.”

“Heed the lesson. You received fives across the board, with a strong recommendation that you be selected in the Match. Doctor Forth added a letter of endorsement as well. Do you have anything for us?”

“The evaluation I turned in was positive, and I didn’t allow my friend’s negative experience to affect it.”

“If there’s anything I can do with regard to your friend, let me know. I’m happy to consult.”

“Thanks, Doctor Lawson.”

“You’re going to be a great doctor, Mike, if you can control your idealism. Don’t lose it, temper it.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

“Whatever you do, don’t lose your bedside manner, ‘Kid Whisperer’!”

“Bribery with sugar is a very effective tool! Combined with chocolate, if the subject is female and over eighteen!”

Doctor Lawson laughed, “So evidence suggests. By the way, good job on the ‘lost’ condom!”

“Does everyone know about that?”

“Are you kidding?!” he asked with a grin. “That one will be talked about for years!”

“And it’s in my procedure book!”

“Mind if I take a gander?”

“Not at all.”

I pulled my procedure book from my pocket and handed it to him.

“I’ll get this back to you later this morning. Keep up the good work, Mike.”

“Thanks.”

The day was typical, and at 7:00pm, I left the ward, completing my Clerkship in psychiatry. It had been an interesting experience, but the thing that was missing was participating in analysis sessions in the psychiatrists’ office. I’d noted that on my evaluation in the section for ‘suggested improvements’, though I was careful not to make it sound like a complaint.

I picked up Rachel from my in-laws’ house, where Lara had taken her that morning, then headed home. Rachel had already had her dinner, so I put her in her swing with music playing while I changed into comfortable clothes. Tami arrived about ten minutes later with the pizza.

“Put this in the oven and I’ll run to the video store,” she requested. “Anything specific you want to see or don’t want to see?”

“I’d prefer no slasher or horror flicks, but otherwise, suit yourself.”

“Cool!”

I took the pizza box from her, put a pizza stone in the oven, set the controls to 325°F, then slid the pizza from the box onto the stone. Tami grabbed my video store membership card and left. I took the time to read The Bears’ Picnic to Rachel, wondering how soon she’d laugh at Papa Bear being hit in the butt by lightning. I hadn’t quite finished when Tami returned, so she went to the kitchen to set out plates and get drinks.

When I finished reading the book, I took Rachel to the kitchen, settled her into her high chair, and put about a dozen Cheerios on the tray, then filled a bottle with a few ounces of juice. That completed, I got the pizza from the oven, sat down, and said the blessing prayer.

“What did you pick?” I asked, as we each took a slice of pizza.

“I actually got two. The first one is St. Elmo’s Fire, and it’s about a group of friends who recently graduated from college. It has a bunch of Brat Pack actors and actresses including Demi Moore, Emilio Estevez, Ally Sheedy, and Judd Nelson. I hope you haven’t seen it.”

“I haven’t. What’s the second one?”

“I won’t be upset if you say ‘no’, but after talking with the girl at the video store I got The Opening of Misty Beethoven, which is, according to her, the best of the best from the ‘Golden Age of Porn’.”

I chuckled, “I know only one thing about that movie.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s probably better if you see it.”

“You’ll watch?”

“Out of pure curiosity, yes, I will. I have one condition — this is the only time.”

“Maybe they’re like Lay’s potato chips!”

“That’s actually a legitimate concern,” I replied. “We can’t always predict what will be addictive or what will excite us. Some things are too dangerous for experiments, so we avoid those.”

“Drugs?”

“Mostly, but I also don’t plan to try to jump my Mustang over a bunch of motorcycles!”

“Isn’t that backwards? Don’t you jump a motorcycle over cars or buses.”

“Yes, but I actually own a Mustang and have never ridden a motorcycle!”

“I may regret asking this, but what experiments have you done?”

“I’ll answer that after the movie, if you don’t mind.”

“Interesting,” Tami said with an arched eyebrow.

“More interesting than two faithful Orthodox kids renting a porn movie?”

Tami laughed, “I doubt we’re the first or the last! And we’re just as curious as the Catholic or Protestant kids, or the atheist kids, for that matter.”

“Very true.”

We finished eating, and after putting away the leftovers and washing the plates, we said evening prayers, then I put Rachel to bed. Once she was settled, I joined Tami on the couch in the great room to watch St. Elmo’s Fire. The movie was an interesting character study with good music, but in the end, I found it to only be so-so, and Tami agreed. We rewound the tape and after we both made quick bathroom stops, she put in The Opening of Misty Beethoven.

“Interesting observation,” Tami said, commenting on something ‘Doctor Love’ said in the film. “Most girls stop sucking when the orgasm begins, but that’s when the true sucking begins.”

“That is when the pleasure is most intense,” I confirmed.

“Every scene has someone having sex in the periphery,” Tami said a few minutes later. “Do you find two girls doing stuff hot?”

“I can safely say at this point that I strongly prefer having sex to watching sex!”

“Same!” Tami declared. “So hot or not?”

“Honestly, I don’t have any voyeuristic inclinations, but I do find it to be sexy. What about you?”

“Not my cup of tea. Do you think the lead actress is hot?”

“I do.”

“I think I need to change my technique a bit,” Tami said as Misty gave a blowjob. “More tongue.”

“I’m happy however the girl wants to do it!”

“Smart!” Tami declared. “I do have to wonder what it feels like without a rubber.”

“Unless you get an IUD or a diaphragm, that’s way too risky.”