Chapter 76: Friends, New and Old

February 1, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

Clarissa and I had lunch together about 1:00pm, after a very quiet morning for me on the first day of my psych rotation.

“Doctor Warren called me on Saturday,” I said.

“What did you do now, Petrovich?”

“It’s what I did a year ago — select a second psych rotation.”

“He tried to convince you to change it?”

“On behalf of Doctors Mertens, Gibbs, Roth, and Getty. They suggested ICU, anesthesiology, and endocrinology, in that order, though Doctor Roth tossed in a crazy idea, though the more I think about it, crazy like a fox.”

“What’s that?”

“Pathology.”

“What?!” Clarissa exclaimed. “You wouldn’t be treating patients at all!”

“That’s true, but think about who suggested it and what I would be doing.”

Clarissa was quiet for a few seconds while she contemplated what I’d said.

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed. “That’s brilliant! Even he can’t let you touch a scalpel until PGY3 when you have your first surgical rotation. Well, except for things like chest tubes, which we’ll learn as PGY1s. What did you tell him?”

“That I wanted some time to think about it, to which he added that I also needed your blessing.”

Clarissa laughed, “Now that’s just too funny!”

“But also true.”

“What do you think?”

“I’m thinking ICU and pathology, and dropping my second psych and second internal medicine rotation.”

“Because pathology will allow you to cut, whereas any other rotation would not. And you’d be doing that every day for two months. The ICU will cover treating patients in conditions you’re more likely to see in trauma than you would if you were covering medicine.”

“So do I have your blessing, «Monashka»?”

That was the title of address for a Russian Orthodox nun.

“That’ll be the day!” Clarissa exclaimed. “I’m about as interested in chastity as you are!”

“Something to which I can personally testify! So?”

“I think it makes sense, though a pathology Sub-I is usually only for someone planning on pathology.”

“They already spoke to Doctor McKnight. You can imagine his answer.”

“He said ‘yes’, of course.”

“He did. I can’t think of any reason not to change my electives, can you?”

“No, but you were adamant about the Psych Sub-I.”

“Sara talked me out of it,” I replied.

“She must be really good!” Clarissa smirked.

“Not that way! She pointed out that I was being stubborn and she was right. In the end, I don’t think the frustration would be worth it. I won’t be able to change anything, and after the fiasco with Angie, I don’t have the energy to fight anyone except the quack who ruined her life. The other thing is that Doctor Warren arranged with Doctor Lawson for me to be treated as if I were a Fourth Year.”

“Damn, Petrovich!”

“I think they know Doctor Barton is going to put on a full-court press to get us to move to Chicago, and they are making damned sure I don’t even consider it.”

“Are you even going to interview in Chicago?”

“No. But there’s no reason to tell anyone at the hospital or medical school besides you!”

“Mike Loucks, working the system to his advantage! So besides another Russian woman ordering you around, how did things go this weekend?”

“Half-Russian,” I chuckled. “Sara is half Anglo-Saxon of some sort. She’s mature, intelligent, and understands what she’s getting into.”

“And she’s made sure you know what you’ll get into!”

“Perhaps!”

“What about Oksana and Dani?”

“Oksana and I had a date on Friday and she has a good head on her shoulders and is also aware of what the next ten years would be like. Dani, I’m still withholding judgment. Meeting her family and spending more time with her will give me a better picture.”

“That’s this coming weekend, right?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think I can handicap this just yet!”

“That’s a good thing, Lissa! Just allow things to develop and the natural course of events to lead me to the correct conclusion. I love you, but this one I have to do myself. All by myself. Well, with Rachel’s help, of course!”

“OK. I will keep my own counsel and wait for you to ask.”

“It’s a fairly safe bet that I’ll come to you.”

“No kidding!”

We finished our lunches, and I shadowed Doctor Baxter until 4:00pm when my shift ended. Maryam and I left the hospital together, and she followed me home.

“Rachel is sleeping,” Lara said when we walked into the house. “She had a good day, and should wake up around her usual time. I’ll leave you two and see you tomorrow!”

“Thanks, Lara,” I said. “Let me walk you out.”

“I’ll start dinner,” Maryam said.

She went to the kitchen while I walked Lara out to her car.

“Same thing next weekend?” I asked.

“You’ll be home mid-afternoon on Sunday, right?”

“Yes. I’m staying at Dani’s grandmother’s house on Saturday night, so I don’t have to drive back after dinner, then drive back in the morning after Liturgy.”

“Bubble bath on Sunday?”

“I’m looking forward to it! Sara will be making dinner tomorrow, so she’ll show up around 3:30pm.”

“OK. Mark and Alyssa will be here tonight and Wednesday, and Serafima and Elias Tuesday and Thursday. That way, there isn’t a problem with the Vespers service at Taft.”

“Thanks!”

We hugged, then I went back inside. I went upstairs to check on Rachel, then took off my tie, but didn’t change into comfortable clothes because Maryam was wearing a skirt and blouse. I went down to the kitchen and asked Maryam if she needed help.

“No, this is simple to make, and I brought the homemade flatbread with me.”

“How was your first day of your surgical rotation?” I asked.

“Pre-op, post-op, and lots of observation. I studied the procedures and the conditions, so I could answer the questions. How was psych?”

“Just three consults, plus morning and afternoon rounds. I’m observing this week, then I can start doing basic assessments.”

“As a Third Year?”

“Yes. Part of the enticement for me to not do psych Sub-I.”

“You changed your mind?”

“Yes. I’m dropping the psych and internal medicine Sub-Is, and I’m doing ICU and pathology Sub-Is instead.”

“Pathology?! Why?”

“Doctor Roth’s idea. I’ll spend two solid months with a normal schedule and I’ll get to use a scalpel every single shift, something that otherwise isn’t going to happen until PGY3, and then only limited.”

“Interesting. That allows you to hone your skills.”

“Exactly. It’s not identical to surgery, obviously, but it’s better than not doing it at all. It also is a good refresher on anatomy.”

“How does that affect you doing your rotations with Clarissa?”

“It doesn’t really, and it turned out to not be ideal, because we’re almost never scheduled together, which makes it harder to spend time together. It’s basically the story of all our lives. We haven’t had the entire group together in nearly a year. I haven’t seen Jocelyn in months, though we’ve had a few short phone calls. And I don’t spend as much time with Rachel as I want to.”

“Are you lonely?” Maryam asked. “I don’t mean ‘alone’, but lonely.”

Was I? Was my behavior a product of loneliness? Of trying to fill a void? It certainly was possible, and if true, that meant my caution about making a commitment was even more well founded than I had thought.

“Possibly,” I replied. “I miss Elizaveta and as much help as my friends are, they aren’t her.”

“No, they aren’t,” Maryam said. “And I’m even more sure that despite you being lonely, waiting until after August is the right thing to do.”

“A diagnosis without an available cure,” I observed. “You took the one available cure off the table for another seven months.”

Maryam nodded, “I know, but given the situation, I don’t see how you could do otherwise. You’ve said that you are worried about your emotional state, and you agreed that the end of August is going to be very difficult. As much as I would like you to ask for the second kiss, I don’t think it’s wise until you can say you want to spend the rest of your life with me, not just with a wife and mother for Rachel.”

“I don’t think I could argue with that,” I said, “nor do I think I should. And I think you were very wise to suggest waiting until after Rachel’s birthday, because there is a risk that I would ask you for the second kiss right now.”

Maryam smiled, “I know. And I want that kiss, and everything that comes with it, but only when you can give yourself to me, totally and completely, just as I’ll give myself to you, totally and completely.”

There was just enough stress on her words about giving herself to me to make it clear what she meant by everything that came with that second kiss. That was about as far as Maryam would ever go to mention physical intimacy, but I had a strong impression that at the appropriate time, that physical intimacy would be sublime.

“Then all we can do is wait,” I said.

Maryam came over to me from the counter, kissed my cheek, and whispered, “I’m looking forward to it, and if it happens, it will be worth the wait.”

February 2, 1988, McKinley, Ohio

“How is your mom?” I asked Kylie as we walked towards the cafeteria.

“As well as can be expected, I think. She made it through the worst parts, which is a good sign, but now we have to wait and see.”

“Words I suspect every patient and every doctor detests; I know I do. Unfortunately, sometimes, that’s all we can do.”

“How are you doing?”

“I think ‘hanging in there’ is the best answer,” I replied. “Even though our situations are different, I think you can probably relate.”

“Given we thought Mom was going to die last October, and the surgery, radiation, and chemo were a ‘Hail Mary’, I think I can at least empathize. May I ask what might be a personal question?”

“You may,” I replied.

“What happened to your clerical robes?”

“One of the traditions of the Orthodox Church is that clergy may not marry. We ordain married men, but once you’re ordained, that’s it. I was looking at the prospect of sixty years, or more, of being widowed, and of Rachel growing up without a mom. After serious soul-searching and a heart-to-heart conversation with my bishop, I requested to be laïcized. To put it in military terms, I resigned my commission and my resignation was accepted.”

“I’m going to guess that would include not having a girlfriend.”

“To answer the question you’re actually asking, yes, it would require absolute chastity. I knew the risks when I accepted ordination, but discounted them as being so unlikely as to not have to worry about it. I was sadly mistaken.”

We arrived at the cafeteria and I got tea while Kylie got coffee. As she’d promised, she paid, and we went to sit at a small table.

“How long have you wanted to be a doctor?” Kylie asked.

“Since fourth grade,” I replied, then related the story.

“That’s cool. I didn’t decide until I was at Xavier. I started out undeclared, and really liked biology and chemistry, so I declared for biochemistry and during Junior year, one of my professors suggested medical school rather than post-grad work in biochemistry, and here I am.”

“Why emergency medicine?” I inquired. “It’s not exactly in sync with being the most boring person on the planet!”

“After having completed all of my rotations except OB, which I have next, it’s the one that interests me the most, partly because of the adrenaline rush.”

I nodded, “That’s a big part of it. For me, it’s all tied up in that incident when I was ten, though with the modifications suggested by Doctor Roth.”

“How do you find time for your daughter?” Kylie asked.

“It’s tough, and I don’t see her as much as I’d like to, but, honestly, that wouldn’t be any different had my wife not reposed. So I make sure I spend time with her every day, though the twenty-four-hour shifts make that impossible at times. You offering to trade with me actually meant I could see her every day, even if it created challenges for her caregivers.”

“Reposed?”

“An Orthodox term that means, in effect, ‘fell asleep in the Lord, but alive in Christ’. We avoid using ‘died’ in most cases, especially with regard to clergy and their wives.”

“OK. I don’t know how you do it. I pretty much spend all my time studying or in the hospital. Even when I’m caring for my mom, I have my notebooks and textbooks with me.”

“That is the challenge for all of us, and it gets worse before it gets better.”

“Which includes no social life to speak of. Medicine must come naturally to you; otherwise you wouldn’t have any extra time. Nobody does, really.”

That wasn’t quite true, because my entire study group had time for things besides medicine.

“I think,” I said carefully, “that being with the same study group since Freshman year at Taft is probably the thing that has made it such that I can manage a bit of free time, or at least enough to practice with my band and play a few gigs.”

“You’re in a band?”

“Code Blue, and we mostly play covers of 60s, 70s, and 80s pop and rock. Our next gig is on February 12th at Stirred Not Shaken, but it’s sold out.”

“That’s a bummer, but playing in a band is cool! What do you play?”

“Backing guitar and I’m the lead singer.”

“I’d love to come to one of your gigs.”

“Our next two, after the one I told you about, are Proms. We’ll probably play two sets on Fourth of July at Milton Lake. I hate to say this, but if I need to trade to play, I’m going to ask you.”

“I promised!” Kylie exclaimed. “Just ask, Mike. I’ll do it. What Sub-I?”

“Emergency medicine. I appreciate your offer.”

Kylie smiled, “We’re going to be working together quite a bit in just over a year, and I really like the idea of having a close friend on the same service during Residency.”

“Then I suppose we’ll need to work on becoming close friends,” I replied.

“We should get together sometime, even if it’s only for a few hours, so we can really get to know each other.”

If her use of ‘anything’, and her hugs, and the peck on the lips hadn’t been clear enough, her invitation, based on her body language and tone, made it absolutely clear that ‘really get to know each other’ meant fooling around.

“Fitting that into our schedules won’t be easy,” I replied.

“I’m free tomorrow evening, if you are. Wednesdays are best for me.”

“I am, in a way. I have to be in bed by 8:00pm, because my shift begins at 4:00am and I have Rachel to care for.”

“I could pick up dinner and come to your place if you wanted.”

Her logic about being friends made sense, and I certainly had Clarissa, but she was going to be on a different service, and wouldn’t be able to easily trade shifts, and we’d only work together in a limited capacity. No other member of my study group fit the bill, as Peter and Nadine were going to match out of state, Fran was going to match in Columbus or Cincinnati based on the plans she and Jason had, and unless I married Maryam, she was likely to match in Chicago.

“Sure,” I replied. “I’m home by 4:30pm, so if you want to show up then, that’s fine. And I’ll want thirty minutes before bed to spend time with Rachel, plus speak with the couple who will spend the night, so they don’t have to show up at 3:30am.”

“How about I show up at 4:30pm, we eat, spend a couple of hours getting to know each other, and I leave around 7:00pm?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow at 4:30pm, then,” I said. “Well, I’ll see you on any consults while you’re on shift, of course.”

“Of course!”

We finished our drinks, then Kylie returned to the Emergency Department, and I returned to the third floor. Clarissa and I didn’t manage to have lunch together as I was shadowing Doctor Silver, one of the Residents, on an assessment of what was an obvious suicide attempt. The patient was admitted, which meant paperwork, which I had to complete, and by the time that was done, I simply grabbed a sandwich and an apple from the cafeteria and ate in the lounge.

I hadn’t called Doctor Warren, and didn’t need to until Friday, but my two days on the psych service, plus my conversation with Sara, and thinking it through further, made it clear that the correct decision was to change my electives. I had free time at 3:30pm, so I called Doctor Warren, who was available for my call.

“Hi, Mike,” he said after his assistant put me through. “Did you make a decision?”

“Yes. I’d like to drop the psych Sub-I and the internal medicine Sub-I in favor of an ICU Sub-I and a pathology Sub-I.”

Doctor Warren laughed softly, “Doctor Roth predicted exactly that.”

“Changing both?” I asked.

“Yes. He said that once you realized the value of the pathology Sub-I, you’d look at your other electives and decide that the ICU was better than internal medicine in terms of the experience and training that would best apply to your goal of being a trauma surgeon. It was simply a matter of breaking the logjam of the psych rotation.”

“Is there anything I need to do?”

“Not right away. I’ll notify Doctor Mertens, who will generate your schedule and be in touch with you. Does she need to try to match it to Miss Saunders?”

“No.”

“Good. You’ve made the right decision, Mike.”

“Thanks for talking sense into me,” I replied.

“That is what we’re here for!”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up. Twenty minutes later, my shift ended, so I headed home.

“Happy birthday!” Lara exclaimed quietly when I walked into the house. She gave me a quick kiss, and continued, “I know you didn’t want a party or anything, so I didn’t say anything to Sara.”

“It’s in the parish directory, so she might know. But I want to keep it low-key this year.”

“I left you a card on your nightstand. I honored your ‘no gifts’ request.”

“Thank you.”

“Rachel had a normal day, and she’s asleep. Sara is in the kitchen, so I’ll get out of your hair and see you tomorrow!”

“Kylie is bringing dinner tomorrow,” I said.

“So you decided that being buried seven inches deep in medical student pussy is OK?”

“No,” I replied. “She was fairly clear that was the point of getting together, but we’ll talk first. She’ll be a colleague in the Emergency Department, so being good friends will be helpful. Anything else is up in the air.”

Lara nodded, we hugged, and I walked out onto the porch with her, then watched as she got into her Corvette and drove away. I went back inside and went to the kitchen where Sara was making dinner.