Chapter 52: This Isn’t A Normal Situation

December 14, 1987, McKinley, Ohio

On Monday, Rachel and I drove to Rutherford to see my grandparents and have lunch with my dad. I wanted to see my mom, Elaine, and April, but the timing didn’t work out, as I needed to be back in McKinley, and my mom was working. I split the difference, as it were, and stopped in at Mr. Winston’s office to say ‘hi’ on our way home after lunch with my dad.

Fortunately, Rachel had more or less kept to her schedule. She could sleep just about anywhere at any time, and the motion of the car seemed to work almost as well as the rocking chair. I’d have to feed her while we were out with Kari, but that seemed to me to be a good thing, as Kari needed to be completely comfortable with Rachel, or there was literally no chance for us.

The one major concern I had was church, and Kari needed to start attending, and that was likely to set off Serafima, something I wanted to avoid if at all possible. I totally understood her point, but in the end, it was up to me whom I dated and whom I eventually married, and if it wasn’t one of her friends, that was her problem, not mine. That said, she’d try to make it my problem, no matter what I did.

I could thread the needle, at least for a short time, by inviting Kari to liturgy on Wednesday morning, as Serafima didn’t attend that service. Elias couldn’t attend because he was working, but Subdeacon Mark and Alyssa were regularly there, along with Lara and a number of the older members of the parish. I might get a bit of grief from Mrs. Sokolov, but I could assuage her by simply saying that I was having dinner with the Malenkovs when Katy was home, allowing her to infer something that wasn’t true, but which would keep the sharp knives safely in their sheaths.

At home, I put Rachel in her crib, showered, then dressed for our date with Kari. Once I was dressed, I made some tea and sat in the kitchen to drink it. I once again asked myself what it was I saw in Kari and laughed because the first thing that came to mind was that she was a sexy redhead. That had been what had first attracted me to Angie, and if I was honest, was what made me consider Sheila’s offer. As I’d said to Rachel, I had a thing for redheads.

Despite that first thought, one which would have Clarissa and others calling me a pig, there was more to it. Perhaps it was our shared love of music, or perhaps it was her personality, or even her willingness to press forward, even in the face of strong headwinds. What I needed to try to figure out was how she’d be as a mom. For most of the girls at church, I felt it was safe to assume they’d act like most of the Orthodox moms, with whom I had no particular dispute, except perhaps as to degree of permissiveness. Even the most ‘modern’ of the girls, Katy, who was the most lax in her practice, still had the right Orthodox mindset.

That was, I realized, also true about Annette, who was Roman Catholic, but had the same general mindset. That was true about the other girls I’d been serious with, including Kimiko, who, despite having Japanese sensibilities, accepted her duty as Mom as part and parcel of marriage, even though her approach might be different.

All of that made me realize that the ‘mom for Rachel’ consideration was actually far simpler than I’d imagined, and really, with Kari, it was a matter of judging her attitude. She’d scored major points by asking me to bring Rachel on our date, which I could read one of two ways — she was showing that she truly understood that Rachel and I came as a matched set, or that she was trying to get comfortable with the idea that we were a matched set. Either way, the result was the same — if she could accept that, and treated Rachel well, then she’d easily clear that hurdle.

As it had before I met Elizaveta, the key concern was really going to be the girl’s ability to deal with my insane schedule. They all knew about it, at least on some level, because Elizaveta had spoken to all her friends about it, and I was adamant about ensuring they truly understood. I was positive that some of the girls who were interested would drop out because of that, or because they couldn’t handle the ‘instant family just add ring’ situation, I’d once encountered with April Nash.

I finished my tea, got Rachel from her crib, bundled her in her coat, hat, and mittens, then put her in her stroller. I covered her with a thick blanket, put on my coat, hat, and gloves, and left the house. I pushed the stroller before me and made my way to Rickenbacker, where Kari was waiting for us.

“Where are we going for dinner?” I asked.

“Walking distance, I guess, unless we walk back to your house for your car.”

“Either works for me,” I replied.

“How about the diner? I know you have some kind of fasting rule from the book I read.”

“Actually, I don’t have a rule that covers food, given a number of circumstances. My only restriction is one cup of coffee a day.”

“Didn’t you live on that?”

“I did, which is, of course, why Father Roman suggested limiting it.”

“I’d say that sounds evil, but it would be wrong to say that about a priest!”

“It is evil!” I chuckled. “But in a crafty way, because it cuts right to self-discipline, which is where I, and most people, fail.”

“Care to share?” she asked.

“Let’s just say I didn’t live my life according to the Orthodox ideal and leave it at that.”

Kari laughed, “Single, good-looking, guitar-playing guy in college? Say no more!”

“Pretty much,” I replied.

“How about the pizza place on Third? I hear it’s pretty good.”

“It is. When I order pizza, it’s from Antonio’s, but they only have carry-out and delivery.”

“Do you want to eat out or order in?” Kari asked.

“I’ll leave that up to you, but they only have a few small tables, as mostly they do carry-out and catering.”

“I think Rachel would be more comfortable at home, and if I remember, she’s going to want to eat in about an hour.”

“That’s true. We can certainly go back to my house and order pizza.”

“Then let’s go!”

We left the dorm and walked back to the house where Kari offered to take care of Rachel while I called in the pizza order.

“Pepperoni and mushroom OK?” I asked.

“Yes. Can we get medium crust?”

“Sure.”

I went to the phone to call Antonio’s, and Kari took Rachel from her stroller. I placed the order, which they promised in forty minutes or less, then went back to find Kari sitting on the couch, holding Rachel in her arms. I took the opportunity to stoke the fire and add a log to it, then sat down next to Kari.

“What are you doing on Wednesday morning?”

“Going to class. Why?”

“I meant at 6:00am.”

“Sleeping!” Kari declared.

“I go to a Divine Liturgy on Wednesdays. It starts at 6:30am and it’s finished around 7:30am as there’s no homily and only about a dozen people attend regularly, so serving communion takes less than five minutes.”

“Ugh, but I guess that’s when I’d have to go, because you can’t go on Sundays, right?”

“Not before February. I expect to have the same schedule in January. I’ll know for sure on Thursday, but I’d bet anything anyone cares to wager I’m still on the same shifts.”

“Why?”

“The doctor who makes the shifts objected to my cassock and my approach to medicine through my faith, so he purposefully scheduled me, so I’d have to miss church.”

“What a jerk! You should complain!”

“That’s not the correct approach,” I countered. “He’s already an adversary, so why turn him into an enemy? He assigns me only scut, but I do it happily and simply don’t let him bother me. Guess what that does?”

“Pisses him off to no end, but he can’t do anything about it! I never took you for passive aggressive!”

“I am what I need to be in the circumstances in which I find myself. Do I act the same with you now as I did when you were in the Emergency Department?”

“No. You were totally businesslike with me, though you did make jokes with the Doctor about my sweater!”

“We’re supposed to report all patient complaints,” I declared. “Though that usually means medical.”

“And you were right about Patient Services not reimbursing me for the sweater!”

I chuckled, “You actually asked?”

“Obviously! So which person is the real Mike?”

“Both are,” I replied. “Well, there are multiple Mikes — Doctor Mike, Daddy Mike, and formerly Deacon Mike. Each role requires a different approach and demeanor. One thing I noticed about some doctors is that they don’t change their approach outside the hospital. I think that’s one reason for so many doctors divorcing. Medicine already puts a strain on your relationships and if I have the same demeanor at home that I have in the ED, it’s not going to make my wife or kids feel loved.”

“And the deacon thing?”

“That is a long, complicated discussion which no longer applies. It was, to be honest, creating problems because some of the things I have to do as a doctor are not things people would expect a deacon to do.”

“Like that catheter thing you told me about?”

“Yes, and internal exams on laboring women, or even removing a pretty redhead’s sweater!”

“Just no scissors next time!”

“So long as you don’t have a head or neck injury, no scissors!”

Kari rolled her eyes theatrically, “I wasn’t talking in the ER, doofus!”

“Oh,” I replied flatly, deciding it was safe to tease her a bit.

“What happened to the different persona in the hospital and outside the hospital?”

“I love being sarcastic, ironic, and goofy when I’m comfortable around someone. Think back to my comment about your sweater to Doctor Gibbs.”

“True. But that wasn’t businesslike, despite it being in the ER!”

“No, but she’s my mentor, and we weren’t handling an emergent case.”

“You mean emergency case?”

“An emergent case is, indeed, an emergency,” I replied. “It means something with sudden onset that is potentially life-threatening or has serious health implications. Technically, ER isn’t correct, either, as that refers to the way those cases used to be handled — surgeons and internal medicine physicians would treat emergent cases in a special room. There was no Emergency Department, which is the correct term for the current setup. That changed in the late 60s in Chicago. It’s still done that way at some small, regional hospitals where they don’t have emergency medicine specialists. That’s changing, slowly, just as what paramedics are allowed to do is changing slowly.”

“But you say ER sometimes!” Kari protested.

“Absolutely, because it’s how the average person refers to it, and there’s no point in correcting them or being pedantic, though I do try to use ED most of the time at the hospital. I only said something to you because you questioned my use of a word you didn’t know.”

“I never heard that before you said it. I always heard ‘emergency’. That’s what they used on TV.”

“Don’t trust anything you see about medicine on TV, especially if they’re using a defibrillator.”

“Why?”

“Despite what you see on TV, it’s basically useless unless the patient has a shockable rhythm — V-fib, A-fib, or V-tach. It doesn’t work for asystole or PEA.”

“You’re going to have to explain those terms.”

“Ventricular fibrillation and atrial fibrillation are heart motions that don’t pump blood properly. Ventricular tachycardia means a very fast heartbeat. PEA means pulseless electrical activity, which means the EKG shows electrical signals but the heart doesn’t beat. And asystole is what you would call ‘flatline’ or ‘cardiac arrest’.”

“Wait! You can’t restart a heart with a defibrillator?”

“Generally speaking, no. There are a few instances where you can, such as when you’re taking a patient from a heart-lung machine, but in most cases? No, it doesn’t work. Fundamentally, the defibrillator is electrical and it can only fix certain electrical heart problems. It’s not magic the way TV would have you believe. Sometimes they’ll shock someone in PEA or asystole in case it’s fine V-fib, but new monitors can distinguish between those, so we’re less likely to do it.”

“What do you do, then?”

“CPR, epinephrine, and lidocaine. If those don’t work, the patient is dead and you aren’t going to bring them back with a magic shock.”

“You say that almost cavalierly.”

“If I let a patient dying affect me, I’ll never make it as an emergency medicine physician. There are, to put it bluntly, patients we can’t save and they will die right in front of me. I either have to accept that and do my best to ensure it doesn’t happen, or find something else to do.”

“Can I ask about your wife?”

I nodded, “She had a congenital defect in the blood vessels in her brain that was undiagnosable with the equipment we have at Moore Memorial Hospital, and not repairable even had it been diagnosed.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah.”

“Which Mike was that?”

“Husband Mike,” I replied. “Except for when I discussed what happened with the pathologist, then it was Doctor Mike. Husband Mike cried a lot. It hurt, a lot, and it still does, but I had no choice except to pull it together for Rachel.”

“Which is why you’re being careful, isn’t it?”

“Partly, yes,” I replied. “I have to watch myself because I’m not completely emotionally stable.”

“Is any guy?” Kari teased.

I chuckled, “Asks a female!”

“I guess guys are supposed to suck it up and be stoic.”

“That’s BS,” I replied. “Yes, I do that when I’m working, but otherwise? Bottling up all that emotion is a surefire way to have a breakdown of some kind. I have no trouble crying or showing emotion when it’s appropriate. I’ll leave the whole ‘macho’ thing to my bandmate, José!”

“Good. I don’t want macho, and a sensitive man would be ideal, but he has to be stable, too.”

I laughed, “Good luck with THAT!”

“You know what I meant!”

“I did, but as I said, being goofy is fun.”

Rachel stirred in Kari’s arms.

“She’s going to need a clean diaper,” Kari said, wrinkling her nose.

“Be my guest,” I replied with a smile. “There’s a changing table upstairs, along with some pre-moistened wipes and washcloths, along with fresh diapers.”

“You might not believe this, but I’ve never changed a diaper in my life!”

“Neither had I until the neonatal nurse taught me to do it. Let me put the water for her bottle on to heat and you can experience the joys of parenting!”

“I don’t think a poopy diaper is a ‘joy’!” Kari protested.

“It’s different when it’s your kid. It’s an intimate moment, just as feeding her is. You can do that, too, if you want.”

“Nothing like tossing me into the deep end of the pool!”

“Hey, if I can do it, ANYONE can do it! The sum total of my interaction with babies before Rachel was born was when my friend April had her baby and I visited her a few times, and then working OB/GYN in Cincinnati in August and September.”

“I suppose I need to learn if I’m going to sign up for this trip to Crazy Town!”

I laughed, “Nobody has referred to my life that way, but I can see it from your perspective!”

“Can I make a flip religious reference?”

“Jesus walked into an inn, throws down some nails and says ‘Can you put me up for the night?’”

“Whoa! Seriously?”

I chuckled, “Jesus confronts the men accusing the women of adultery and says ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’. A rock comes whizzing by his ear and hits the women square in the forehead, drawing blood. Jesus turns around and says, ‘Cut it out, Mom! I was trying to make a point!’”

“Holy crap!” Kari said, shaking her head. “I would NEVER have expected that!”

“I know more! What motor vehicles are mentioned in the Bible?”

“There were no cars in Bible times!”

“Humor me!”

“I have no idea!”

“God drove Adam and Eve from the Garden in a Fury; David rode his Triumph into Jerusalem; the Apostles were all in one Accord.”

“I expect that’s funnier to someone who knows the Bible.”

“Yeah, sorry. The other two only require knowledge of the stories which nearly everyone has heard, even if they aren’t Christian. Anyway, what was your flip comment?”

“And the virgin shall be with child!”

I laughed, “Cute. Though if you’re pregnant, we’re going to have a big problem!”

“No chance!”

“Except what did you just say?”

Kari laughed, “OK. No angel has come to me and said that God wanted to get it on with me!”

“That’s not quite what happened, but point taken!”

“I actually don’t know the details about that,” Kari said as we went upstairs to the nursery.

“That’s OK, because I don’t, either.”

“What?!”

“Riddle me this, please. If there was no man involved, where did Jesus’ Y chromosome come from?”

“Uhm, I don’t know.”

“Nobody does. All we know is that Mary became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. How that was accomplished, nobody can say. And there is no way to finesse it by saying Jesus wasn’t a ‘normal’ man, because if he wasn’t, then we can’t be saved, because salvation is only possible if Jesus were fully God and fully man.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“That it’s a mystery. And I don’t mean like Agatha Christie, I mean ‘hidden’, which is what ‘mystery’ means in an Orthodox context. The rumors at the time were that Jesus was a bastard, conceived out of wedlock. You can see references to that in the Scriptures where the Pharisees make snide remarks, such as ’we know who our fathers are’, and so on. Later, some attributed his fatherhood to a Roman Soldier, Tiberius Julius Abdes Pantera, based on claims by Celsus, an ancient Greek philosopher.”

“So, what do you believe?”

“That it’s a mystery and I’ll accept that, as the HOW is no more relevant than how the bread, water, and wine become the Body and Blood of Christ.”

“That’s a pretty big stretch.”

“It is. And it’s why the Orthodox Church has never accepted the attempts by the Roman Catholic Scholastics to explain how ANY of the Holy Mysteries operate. I’ve said before, and many people would consider this sacrilege, that if you took the chalice to a lab, you’d find nothing but wheat, yeast, salt, water, and wine. But that proves nothing, because the Eucharist is a symbol.