Chapter 3: Memory Eternal

August 27, 1987, McKinley, Ohio

Clarissa followed me back to the cottage in her car. After I parked, I walked around to take Rachel from the car seat and handed Clarissa my keys. I had just unbuckled her when Yulia came rushing out of the house. She came right up to me and without even a greeting, held out her arms, expecting me to simply hand over my daughter. I was not about to do that, and after pushing the door to the car closed with my knee, I turned and began walking towards the path that led to the cottage.

Yulia hurried after me, though Clarissa had helpfully fallen in step right behind me, making it impossible for Yulia to get to me. I got to the cottage and waited for Clarissa to unlock the door, which allowed Yulia to come up next to me.

“I’d like to hold my granddaughter!” she said insistently.

“This is the first real time I’ve spent with her,” I said. “Give us some time, please.”

“You know nothing about babies! She needs a woman’s touch!”

“Mrs. Kozlov,” Clarissa said, “would you please let Mike have some space?”

“Yulia, come to the house,” Viktor said from the doorway. “Mike will bring Rachel to the house when he’s ready. Let him get settled.”

“Viktor!” she said sharply. “What does he know about caring for a baby?”

“I think Rachel will be fine,” he said. “Mike, come to the house when you’re ready, please.”

“I will,” I agreed.

Yulia looked daggers at both her husband and me and didn’t move until he put his hand gently on her arm. As they left, she began berating him in Russian and I simply tuned out. Clarissa closed the door behind them and locked it.

“Did I just see that?” she asked, shaking her head. “She obviously intends to take the baby and raise her!”

“If anyone wonders why I’m taking Rachel to Cincinnati with me, you can tell them what just happened. Let me put her in her crib. She’ll need to eat in about an hour, and then we can go over to the house.”

There was a knock at the door and Clarissa went over to it and opened it to allow Tasha, Robby, and Sophia into the house. That delayed me putting Rachel down so that they could see her, but five minutes later she was sleeping in her crib. Jocelyn and Gene arrived a few minutes after that, and once everyone was settled I checked the answering machine and counted the flashes. Fifteen. I sighed and rewound the tape.

“Let me write down the messages,” Jocelyn offered. “You sit.”

She had just started listening to the messages when the phone rang. Tasha quickly went to the phone and lifted the handset.

“Deacon Michael’s residence,” she said, then, “One moment, Your Grace.”

I got up and went to the kitchen and accepted the handset from Tasha.

“Good morning, Vladyka,” I said. “Master, bless!”

“The blessings of the Lord be upon you and Rachel, and upon Matushka’s soul. How are you?”

“OK, I guess. I just brought Rachel home.”

“Who was that who answered the phone?” he asked.

“Tasha Antonov,” I replied. “She’s here along with my friend Robby and his girlfriend Sophia and Clarissa from my study group. My friend Peter will be here after his shift tonight.”

“Has Father Nicholas visited today?”

“Not yet,” I replied. “I expect him sometime after lunch.”

“OK. He called me earlier with the details for Saturday. I’d like to spend some time with you before the service, if you feel up to it.”

“I hope you’ll allow me to defer an answer to that until Saturday morning.”

“Yes, of course! I won’t keep you. If you need anything, even if it’s just to talk, please call at any time, day or night.”

“Thank you, Vladyka.”

“God be with you, Deacon Michael.”

I thanked him, we said ‘goodbye’, and I hung up the phone. It rang almost immediately and I let Tasha answer it and went to sit down. She had a brief conversation and came back into the living room.

“That was Mrs. Sokolov. She was checking to see if you’ll need a meal tonight. I told her there would probably be eight to ten of us, and she said she’d bring enough to feed everyone. I think you should probably stay here tonight.”

“I’m not sure I can sleep in the bed,” I replied. “And you won’t be able to be here to help me with Rachel.”

“Why not just go back to Doctor Blahnik’s at bedtime?” Robby asked. “Tomorrow you’ll be at church all day, right?”

“Yes, if Rachel can tolerate it. Elizaveta bought a portable bassinet that can be collapsed and which fits in the back of my car.”

“I think that’s a good plan,” Clarissa said. “I assume you’re going to have a stream of visitors.”

“Undoubtedly,” I sighed. “Which is why I don’t want to spend much time here. But I almost don’t have a choice.”

“What are you going to do about your mother-in-law?” Clarissa asked.

“Try and avoid a fight, but I’m not sure that’s possible.”

“What happened?” Tasha asked.

“When we showed up, Mrs. Kozlov basically demanded Mike hand over Rachel because, in her mind, he’s unable to care for her.”

“Oh, please!” Tasha exclaimed, rolling her eyes. “Mike is wonderful with babies! And he’s a medical student! He’ll be fine with just a bit of guidance and advice! And Rachel needs to be with her dad.”

“I’m going to need to find a regular babysitter once I come back to McKinley,” I said. “But my schedule means they have to basically be available at any time.”

“When will you know your schedule for October?” Tasha asked.

“In about three weeks. It’s an emergency medicine rotation, so a lot depends on which Resident to whom I’m assigned.”

“Mike, call Doctor Gibbs,” Clarissa suggested. “I bet she can put you on a regular shift for the entire rotation. That’ll make it easier to find someone to stay with Rachel.”

“Your mother-in-law is completely out of the question?” Robby asked.

“Yes. I’ll work things out with Viktor, but I’m not going to let Yulia dictate how I raise my daughter.”

Jocelyn completed taking the messages and came back to the living room.

“Your grandparents in Illinois, your sister, Lara, José, Maryam, Doctor Gibbs, Doctor Roth, Dale, a Father Clifton, a Mr. Vikhrov, Pete, Jason, Fran, a Mr. Orlov, and Emmy.”

“Let me start calling,” Clarissa said. “Who are you OK with seeing?”

“Anyone from my study group, from the band, and Lara. Jocelyn should probably call Dale.”

“What time is the service on Saturday?”

“The funeral begins at 10:00am,” I replied. “There will be a Divine Liturgy beforehand, most likely around 8:00am. I need to check with Viktor, but the reception afterwards will likely be at the house.”

As Clarissa went to the kitchen to make the calls, I heard Rachel fuss, and went to get her. I could immediately smell that she needed a clean diaper, so I asked Tasha for help.

“I see Elizaveta bought a changing table,” she said, coming into the nursery.

“Things about which I had no clue. She just seemed to know.”

“Let me show you how to do the first one, then I’ll watch when you do the next one.”

“Thank you.”

I watched as Tasha changed Rachel’s diaper, and she explained each step, including being very careful to wipe only downwards so as not to spread fecal matter which could create an infection. When we finished, we went to the kitchen and Tasha showed me how to prepare a bottle of formula. I went back to the living room to feed Rachel, who sucked greedily on the nipple of the bottle. About five minutes later, I asked Tasha to bring me a towel and she came back with a lightweight cloth she referred to as a ‘spit rag’ which she folded in half and draped over my shoulder. I held Rachel to my shoulder and patted until she burped, then fed her for another five minutes. I repeated the process, then decided it was time to visit my in-laws.

“Do you want someone to go with you?” Clarissa asked, coming back from the kitchen and seeing me heading for the door.

“I think Robby and Sophia are safest,” I replied. “An engaged couple won’t upset Yulia the way a single woman would, and Sophia is Orthodox and Robby is a catechumen.”

“I’ll call Dale now,” Jocelyn said.

“Thanks, Jos. Clarissa, do you have any messages for me?”

“Mostly people wanted to know when the services were. I told them about tomorrow as well. Your grandparents are driving from Chicago, and the Vikhrov’s are flying in tomorrow morning. Lara plans to be here for dinner, and José and Dona said they’d come by after dinner. Your fellow students said they’ll see you tomorrow. The Doctors said they would drop by at some point today.”

“Thanks. I’ll try to stay less than an hour with my in-laws. I’ll use the excuse of needing to put Rachel down for a nap. She’s already falling asleep.”

“She’s a content baby,” Tasha said. “That’s a good thing.”

Sophia, Robby, and I left the cottage with Rachel and walked across the yard to the main house. We let ourselves in and I was immediately accosted by Yulia. I felt I had no choice but to allow her to hold Rachel, and as soon as she had her in her arms, she hurried away. I suppressed a sigh and followed her into the great room where she immediately went to Anna.

“Hi, Mike,” Viktor said. “How are you holding up?”

“OK, I suppose. Thank you again for taking care of everything.”

“You’re welcome. Will you join us for dinner?”

“Mrs. Sokolov is bringing food,” I replied. “I tried to decline, but Father Nicholas insisted.”

“That is normal. I know it’s a difficult question, but when do you have to be back to the hospital in Cincinnati?”

“On Thursday, so I’ll go back on Wednesday. I just need to make arrangements for Rachel.”

“She’ll stay with me, of course!” Yulia said.

I shook my head, “No, she’s going with me.”

“Don’t be foolish! You can’t care for a baby! She’ll be safe and well-cared for here!”

“She’s going with me,” I said firmly. “I will find a way.”

“Viktor!” Yulia commanded. “Talk some sense into him!”

I looked Viktor directly in the eye, set my face, and shook my head slightly. He received the message loud and clear.

“That’s not up to us, Yulia,” Viktor said. “That is up to Mike.”

“He’s not thinking clearly and I won’t have my granddaughter put at risk!”

I went over to her and held out my arms.

“I’ll take her now,” I said firmly.

“What?!” she exclaimed, outraged.

“I’ll take her now. Viktor?”

“Yulia, give Rachel back to Mike,” he said.

She looked daggers at both of us, but handed me my daughter, then went over to Viktor and again began berating him in Russian.

“I think it’s best I go back to the cottage,” I said. “I’ll see you at church tomorrow.”

I left without any acknowledgment, with Sophia and Robby following right behind me.

“Holy ... just wow!” Robby said, shaking his head.

“Mike?” Geno called from behind me.

I stopped and turned.

“Yes?”

“My mom has been completely beside herself since yesterday. She won’t take the sedatives the doctors prescribed.”

I nodded, “I understand. If you can get her calmed down, she’s welcome to see Rachel. Until then, I think it’s best Rachel stays with me.”

“Anna has been trying, but my mom is distraught over Elizaveta’s passing.”

“Me, too,” I replied. “But I have a responsibility to Rachel, so I really don’t have a choice but to hold it together. I’ve cried myself to sleep a few times already.”

“I cried for the first time since I was about ten. Let me know if I can do anything, OK?”

“Help your mom, please. Has anyone spoken to Joe?”

“Yes. He’s flying in tonight.”

“OK. Let me know if your mom calms down. Encourage her to take the sedatives, and be prepared for a complete breakdown tomorrow or Saturday.”

“Oh, I know,” he sighed. “This should never have happened. Do you know the cause?”

“Preliminarily, it was a congenital defect that caused bleeding in Elizaveta’s brain. There was no realistic way it could ever have been discovered. I’ll have a copy of the preliminary report on Monday. What I just told you was based on a conversation with the pathologist, Doctor McKnight.”

“OK to tell my dad?” Geno asked.

“Yes, though I wouldn’t tell your mom. The specific thing Doctor McKnight said was that it was an intraparenchymal bleed due to a congenital arteriovenous malformation.”

“I’ll never remember that. I’ll send Dad over once he gets Mom calmed down.”

“Thanks.”

Robby, Sophia, and I went back to the cottage with Rachel, and I put her in her crib. Once she was settled, I went back to the living room.

“Dale is getting on the next plane to Chicago,” Jocelyn said. “He’ll fly from there to Columbus.”

I nodded, “OK. I think I need to call Doctor Cooper.”

I went to the phone and dialed the number for the house and Annette answered.

“Mike, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed when I identified myself. “Mom said we’re coming on Saturday.”

“Is she home?”

“One moment, I’ll call her.”

About twenty seconds later Doctor Cooper was on the line.

“How are you, Mike?”

“I’m hanging in there,” I replied. “I just wanted to talk to you about next week. I plan to come back on Wednesday so I can be at the hospital on Thursday.”

“Are you sure? I can probably get you more time with the medical school.”

“I think sitting around doing nothing will only make things worse. I intend to bring Rachel with me, though I don’t have a plan yet.”

“Annette and I will help out as much as we can, obviously, though she’ll be in school and I’ll be working.”

“I’ll figure something out for during the day. Would it be OK if someone stayed at the house with Rachel?”

“Yes, of course. Do you have someone in mind?”

“Not yet. That’s a project for after Saturday.”

“Let me know if you need more time. I guarantee it’ll be granted.”

“Thank you.”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up, then rejoined my friends.

“Sophia was telling us about your mother-in-law,” Tasha said. “You might want to call Father Nicholas.”

“That’s up to Viktor and Geno,” I said. “I’d rather they handle it than cause problems. Will anyone object if I change into shorts and a T-shirt?” I asked.

Everyone said ‘no’ or shook their heads, so I did that, and had just sat down again when there was a knock at the door. Robby let in Doctor Gibbs and Bobby, and both hugged me.

“I don’t know what to say,” Doctor Gibbs said.

“Me, either, so don’t worry,” I replied. “Thanks for coming.”

“We won’t stay long, but I wanted to check on you.”

“I appreciate it,” I replied. “Jocelyn provided the service information, right?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask a huge favor?”

“Of course!” Doctor Gibbs replied. “What?”

“For my ER rotation which starts in October, it would be helpful if I had a set shift for the entire rotation, whenever it is, so I can arrange for someone to watch Rachel.”

“Done,” Doctor Gibbs said firmly. “I’ll make sure the Resident who does the scheduling is aware. Day shift? Night shift?”

“Consistency is the key, so whatever works best for the ER and for my training.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I really appreciate that.”

“May we see Rachel?”

“Sure. She’s sleeping, but it’s OK.”

I took them down the hall to the nursery so they could see my daughter, and once they’d done that, they offered condolences, and said they’d come by the church on Friday, and be at the funeral service on Saturday. Not long after they left, Doctor Roth arrived, and he also spent only about ten minutes, offering his condolences and saying he, too, would be at the church sometime on Friday and then for the funeral service on Saturday.

Lara arrived just before 6:00pm and gave me a tight, full-body hug.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “May her memory be eternal.”

“Thank you.”

“May I speak to you privately?” she asked.

“Of course,” I agreed. “I’ll take you to see Rachel and we can speak in the nursery.”

We went to the nursery, and Lara closed the door most of the way.

“Whom do you have to watch Rachel for you?”

“Right now, Tasha is going to help, but she has to go back to work on Monday. I’m still sorting things out. Why?”

“I’m offering, if you’ll accept my help.”

“But you have your last semester of student teaching,” I protested.

“And I’ll postpone it. Literally everyone else works or is in school, including your mom and your sister. One semester, or even one year, won’t cause me any trouble. I can easily take a leave of absence. Tell me you have a better plan!”

“I don’t, but that seems extreme.”

“And if these aren’t extreme circumstances, I don’t know what would be.”

“Let me think it over,” I said.

“Just let me know. I’m here for you for whatever you need.”

“Thanks.”

Rachel stirred and it was obvious she needed a clean diaper as soon as I picked her up, so I called for Tasha and she watched as I followed the steps she’d explained earlier.

“Perfect, Mike! Are you going to feed her?”

“I think so. It’s been about two hours, and that’s what the nurse suggested, at least for now. Basically, to offer her a bottle whenever she wakes up.”

“That’s right,” Tasha agreed. “As she sleeps longer, she’ll eat less often, but more at a feeding. Right now, her stomach is tiny, which I’m sure you know, so she won’t drink much.”

“Mike?” Robby said from the door, “Mrs. Sokolov and two other ladies are here with the meal.”

“OK. Would you and Gene get plates or bowls or whatever we need from the kitchen, and set up the card table and chairs that are to the left of the crib?”

“Got it!”

I took Rachel to the kitchen where Mrs. Sokolov, Mrs. Greenwald, and Matushka Anastasia were setting up a crockpot and unwrapping bread.