Chapter 12: It’s the Little Things

When we slipped into bed I was overcome with emotions. Some were pure and beautiful; some were uncivilized and raw. I tried to push all of them aside and just enjoy this for what it was. when Ernie cozied up to me I followed what I thought was right and I kissed him. He had progressed well in learning and I enjoyed the way he responded to my need from him. My bedroom was in complete darkness and there could be no sight, not even a shadow was seen. I held my little man and let him nuzzle against my chest. I felt his leg caressing mine and his hands seeking out a place to rest. I was in my utopia right now; I was in my happy place. I had a young man that wanted to be with me and had zero expectations.

I rubbed his back as we lay together. I felt his body heat against mine and hoped I could contain myself throughout the night. There was an unspoken conversation going on between us and I wanted it to say more than it was but wouldn’t make this about me as much as it was my idea. I wanted him to find more than comfort with me, I wanted him to find me as his. That couldn’t be told, and I couldn’t show it, it had to be his choice and his decision.

When he lifted his head from my chest he kissed my cheek and whispered that is for being there when I needed you the most. He kissed my other cheek and said that was for showing me a love I never had before. He was making me melt in his arms. He kissed my nose and then gave it a little bite and said that was for showing him laughter was a part of enjoying people and ridiculing them. Then Ernie kissed me on my lips. It was slow, caring, and entirely from him. That is for showing me not only could I care for someone but could be cared for without an agenda. I hugged him tight and something just happened.

I told him he was the first person to see me for me and accept me for how I am. I told him I knew I made some mistakes, and I did or said things I shouldn’t have but never once was in done to hurt him or make him feel different about me. I kissed my little man and opened my nightgown. Not just the top, I let it fall off the shoulders and to my sides and I said if he wanted to hold me like a man holds a woman I would accept him as he accepted me. He didn’t answer but did come to me. When his chest met mine I felt a connection between us that was so powerful I wanted to tell him to take me as he pleased. I would have let him do anything just then but instead I decided that feeling him next to me this way was more than I could have ever dreamt of.

Ernie now knew what a woman boobs felt like openly and invitingly. I knew it would be more than I could hope for but I massaged his back and as my hand fell lower and the elastic of his bottoms were felt I slipped my fingers inside and made him aware that I would like them to leave him. Between the two of us his bottoms ended up on the floor where I let my nightgown fall. I held him feeling him, enjoying him, as he enjoyed me. He whispered he was afraid and when asked why he said he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold me without a terrible thing happening. I knew what his fear was, the fear of all boys and many men. I didn’t want him to lose this special time we had. I wanted him to enjoy it all night. I did have a solution but it would be an extreme challenge for us to overcome.