Chapter 5

The beds creaked, there was very little airflow and when the music stopped playing the crickets were so loud that Dad said he thought he had tinnitus again (ringing in the ears). My parents were so unhappy that they forgot to punish me.

Well, almost. They didn’t forget. They were just too mentally exhausted from the trip and the news that the cabin wasn’t exactly what they had in mind when Dad booked it.

Mom said that I’d be doing the lion share of the chores. That was to give everyone back some free-time and let them enjoy a little bit more of THEIR vacation since I am the one who took a little enjoyment from their vacation by leaving their stuff behind. That was fair and I accepted it.

She also said that she bought new clothes at the store for everyone – except me. “I didn’t buy a lot of things because we don’t have the money for that. I got everyone a couple changes of clothes. You on the other hand can make do with what you packed. That might teach you to be a little more careful next time.”

“I think we’ll load our own luggage next time,” Dad joked. Mom took what he said seriously and said this was the only way I could ever learn and that next year she was quite certain I’d take more care if I was asked to load up the bags to make sure I had them all.

She was right about that!!

Mom is a stickler about rules – she won’t change her mind no matter how much you beg once she decides something. She says if she does – then that only encourages us to keep pleading until she gives in. “It’s like feeding a dog at the table. Once you start, they’ll beg for scraps every time you sit down!”

Mom also showed me the swimsuit she bought for Lindsay when she went to the store. It was very close to the yellow polka dot bikini exactly like the one I wanted at Walmart.

I didn’t complain or whine. My mom wasn’t being unfair. If she wanted the punishment to hit home – that was the way to go about it. It hurt seeing that bikini more than any spanking she could have given me (not worse than the one Dad gave me though – that smarted!!).

They were simply not in the mood to spank me though and they made it clear that was the ONLY reason that I was not getting one. Lindsay offered to do it for them, and they assumed she was joking.

Mom prepared a meal for us to eat at the picnic table as tired as she was. She wouldn’t even let me or Lindsay help. The kitchen of the new cabin was simply too small to get in there.

“The old cabin had a table inside we could on as well,” Lucas observed dryly.

“Well, it’s nice out and we can eat under the stars,” Mom reminded him to look on the bright side. She made us Hot Dogs and heated up a can of pork and beans.

We complained but Dad said that was “Cowboy food. It’s what the old pioneers ate back in the wild west when THEY went camping.”

“Nuh-uh,” Georgie replied.

“No, no it’s not Georgie,” Dad kept a straight face and did his best Chevy Chase trying to keep it together on vacation impression. “Just don’t play with your wiener, okay?”

It took Georgie a second to realize that Dad meant the Hot Dog that Mom gave him to eat. He laughed so hard at that.

Dad had already decided he was going to talk to Patton and request another room. “Don’t get too used to this place,” Dad told us. There was no chance of us doing that.

Lindsay opened the bathroom door. “Where is the bathroom?” she asked.

“What do you mean? It’s right there?” Mom stood up to check. The bathroom was little more than a closet with a toilet inside. It was gross and yucky and probably the source of the smell. The worst part was there was no shower.

Ruthie took one look and turned up her nose in disgust, while folding her arms. “That is A LOT of Peanut Butter!”

Mom gave her a worried look but didn’t say anything.

“What are we supposed to do for a shower?” Lindsay asked when she realized we didn’t even have one.

“That’s it, I am calling him right now!” Dad didn’t hesitate. He called Patton and explained the bathroom situation was unacceptable.

“No problem, Sir,” Patton’s voice could be heard over the speaker on Dad’s phone.

“It IS a problem,” Dad reminded him grimly. Dad was angry and when he gets angry, he speaks very slowly and deliberately. It’s the scariest voice you have ever heard. “We need a room right now.”

“I meant to say I’ll have maintenance take a look tomorrow. In the meantime, there are bathrooms in the public showers. They are just around the corner on the map I gave you! Very close by!”

Dad said that was unacceptable, but Patton stood his ground. “I promise I’ll try and get you an upgraded cabin but it’s June and it’s our busiest time of the year. If I can do it, it will probably be next week.”

“Do you want to go home, Dear?” My mom asked.

“Hell no, happiness is fucking mandatory! I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun!” Dad got crazy eyes the way Chevy Chase does in National Lampoon’s vacation when set-back after set-back would have made any normal family turn back but not the Griswold’s.

“We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!” My mom agreed with him with a big grin.

“We’ll all be whistling zippity-doodah out of our fucking assholes!” Dad smiled broadly as he feigned a very intense frustration. It was after all; all he could do in the face of this disastrous start to our vacation.

“What’s that sir? I don’t think I heard you,” Patton said on the other end of the line like he could care less.

“I think you heard me,” Dad hung up on him. We all laughed. Mom assured him we would make the best of things.

Lucas was pushing his beans around with his hot dog. He was pretending he was Elon Musk, and the beans were either cars or factory workers. I am really not sure.

“Lucas, stop playing with your wiener,” Dad chuckled.

Lucas didn’t laugh but Georgie nearly busted his spleen chuckling and when Georgie laughs Ruth Ann starts like a chain of reaction. Everybody had a good laugh. We needed one.

“Look guys, you’ll be sharing a bed! That means these beans are not your friends,” Dad picked up a few with a fork and implied they would make us break wind. It was gross fart humor, and it was something my family did a lot of at the table.

“Beans, beans, beans, the more you eat,” Lucas sang.

Ruthie finished with “The more you toot!” and blew a raspberry. I could hardly picture a perfect girl like her ever letting out anything but the daintiest of silent farts – but my sister reveled in it. She could really blast some noisy ones and she felt zero shame about it. In fact, I would say she was downright proud of some of the trumpet blasts she made in the most public of places.

Lindsay seemed annoyed and told everyone she was going to wash up at the shower. She took a towel, soap and walked off to the shower. Mom was a little afraid for her to go by herself. She insisted all of the girls go together tonight. Dad took the boys to the male showers.

The public showers were really not that far away. The building was made of concrete brick that was painted white and had a green roof. It was well lit and there were two entrances right next to each other. One side for boys and one side for girls. There were no doors. It just opened up and you walk in. The doors curved slightly so you couldn’t see inside from the outside but if you walk in a few feet, you can see the entire bathroom and shower area.

Inside were stalls to use the restroom and the showers were simply open. No individual stalls, no shower curtain. It was an open tiled area lined with shower heads and drains. There were no curtains. The shower heads were made to be shared. The tile was raised a few inches to create a border so that water didn’t splash out of the shower area.

Mom said this reminded her of campgrounds she visited when she was a kid.

I wasn’t the only one in the party a little mortified about the lack of privacy. Ruth Ann stripped down with jubilation and hopped over to the nearest shower head. She yelped and giggled when the cold water splashed on her chest. She had absolutely no modesty and stood with her legs apart wide. I could see all of her lady bits hanging out.

Mom rolled her eyes and undressed slowly. Lindsay did as well. Mom told me to hurry up and just get this done. “We won’t be here the entire vacation,” Mom told us. “Your dad and I saved and scrimped ALL year for this,” Mom said it like she was confiding that in us. Mom had made us all painfully aware of that all year. It was the reason we skipped a lot of luxuries.

What she had not told us was how important this vacation was to our father. “Lindsay is about to move away, and this is likely our last vacation as an entire family. You are going to smile and make the best of this, and I do not want to hear complaining and whining.”

Lindsay smiled and held up her fingers as if describing a tiny amount “A tiny amount of whining and bitching?”

Mom agreed that a tiny amount of complaining was probably acceptable. “I am serious though. Your dad is already concerned about the amount of money we had to spend to buy more clothes,” Mom glared at me. “I know you made an honest mistake, but you’ve got to do better Katie.”

“I know, Ma’am,” I agreed. Just like my mom calls me Kate when she is mad, I call her Ma’am when I know I really screwed up.

“You should consider a few Ma’ams and Sirs around us until things blow over. That would go a long way. Don’t think your dad and I forgot you are owed a punishment. We’re just exhausted and after everything we don’t feel like dealing with you. I’d advise not pushing your luck,” Mom added. I nodded.

An old woman walked into the shower area. She stripped and I swear I’d never seen more terrifying wrinkles in my life. Her pubes were as gray as the hair on her head. She was slouched and she made no attempt to hide herself as she shuffled over to a shower head near me.

“Take a picture, it will last longer,” the woman shook her head derisively at me. She reminded me of the old actress named Katherine Hepburn. She shook her head when she was speaking to me as if she disagreed with everything I said.

I was embarrassed that she noticed me staring at her.

“When are you ever going to grow some pubes?” Lindsay asked as she suds herself up. Lindsay had the body of a playboy model. She had full round breasts, a nice butt, flat tummy. She also had a well-trimmed pubic area.

“Don’t hassle your sister. Her hair will come in when it develops naturally,” Mom defended me.

“Look Mommy! I’ve got hair down there!” Ruth Ann turned around and proudly spread her legs wide and put her hands on her pussy lips to expose herself fully.

“Yes, that’s nice. Everybody develops at different rights. Don’t play with yourself, Ruth Ann,” Mom was embarrassed.

“I am not? I am just washing my pussy!” Ruth Ann said very plainly.

“That’s a bad word!” Mom reacted with shock.

Ruth Ann took the soap she had been washing her ‘pussy’ with and slipped it into her mouth and looked at mom expectantly.

“No, don’t wash your mouth out, Ruth Ann. Cuss words depend on context. Just say vagina or no-no place,” Mom suggested.

Ruth Ann plucked the soap out of her mouth. Spun around, spread her butt cheeks fully and pointed to her perfectly puckered little butthole and informed mom THAT was her no-no place.

“They are both no-no places,” Mom seemed uncomfortable.

“That’s your butthole, the front is your vagina, Suzy or pee hole. Don’t call it a no-no place, Ruth Ann. You aren’t a baby and one day it won’t be a no-no place,” Lindsay warned.

“it will be a YES-YES place,” Ruth Ann sounded exuberantly convinced of that. My mom glared at Lindsay for saying that but didn’t contradict her.

After the shower as we were drying and getting dressed, Lindsay turned her attention back to my pubes. “Did you have pubic hair and you just shaved it off because of bikini season?” she asked me skeptically.

“No!” I even showed her the few blonde hairs that I had on the front.

Mom stopped Lindsay from teasing me and assured me that I would have the body of a woman someday. She reminded me that I should enjoy the peace of not having men lusting over me like hungry wolves.

“Oh I don’t know,” My sister said that can be fun and she never has to pay for a drink.

The old woman had been eavesdropping and said she remembered fondly when she couldn’t pay for a drink anywhere.