Chapter 1

“Katie, get out here right now!” My mom’s voice pierced me like a knife. I was waiting for her to call me into the living room of our vacation cabin. It almost came as a relief when she called for me. I had been sniffling and laying on my back staring up at the dirty ceiling for what felt like an eternity waiting for the call.

I knew what I did was wrong on so many levels. I didn’t have any clue what my parents would do. They weren’t tyrants or super strict. They made me wait in my bedroom because even though they were raising five teenagers they had never dealt with anything like this, and they had to talk about what the consequences should actually be.

I didn’t get myself in trouble intentionally, but so much of this was my fault – it was like a perfect storm of choices that I made placing me in this situation. I wished I could be anywhere else but where I was – but I was here, and I had to face what I had done.

The unknown was eating me up on the insides and causing my mind to swirl with all the possible ways my life would probably become a living hell. This was supposed to be a fun vacation! I had gone and mucked things up and it was all my own fault.

“KATE BUTTS! GET YOUR ACTUAL BUTT OUT HERE! RIGHT NOW!!” Dad wasn’t in the mood to play around or be trifled with. His commanding voice sent shivers down my spine, and I hopped out of bed and back to my senses.

I should mention that yes, my last name is “Butts” and yes, I’ve been teased about it since I was in grade school. I am 15 now and I still meet people who think I am joking when I tell them my last name. Dad says having the name “builds character,” but I do not believe it. Mom said she loved Dad so much that she took his last name anyway – it’s adorable in a weird way.

I composed myself, dried my tears, and walked out of my room like a convicted prisoner making her way to the gallows after her last meal.

You are probably wondering how I got in this jam. It’s a complicated and humiliating story, and I know I screwed up – several times before today. Some of this wasn’t my fault either – it was just the cards that life dealt me and the choices that I made.

I had just graduated my sophomore year in High School. I was in a Wal-Mart in Raleigh North Carolina. It was a nice summer day, and the sun was shining, the birds were chirping. My mom brought me and my siblings there to buy some things for an upcoming family vacation. You may be wondering why I am going back to a mundane shopping trip, but I assure you that things that happened that day set a lot of things in motion that would end up snowballing later in unexpected ways.

I was trying to convince my mom to buy me a high-waisted French cut yellow polka dot bikini. It was the kind of thing that my older sister Lindsay would wear to turn heads on the beach. I had always considered myself a shy introvert but recently I wanted to get noticed by boys my own age and be taken seriously the same way Lindsay was.

I wasn’t built like Lindsay though. She was 19 and had curves in all of the right places, shapely boobs, and naturally blonde hair. She had developed early before she was even my age and looked and acted like an adult. That’s why she was always in charge when my parents were out.

Lindsay often jokingly refers to me and my little sister Ruthie the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee”. I used to be completely flat-chested with no waist. Recently, I sprouted two puffy nubs that are almost entirely areola on my chest. Lindsay has a slightly twisted sense of humor, but she doesn’t mean anything hateful by it. It doesn’t make it any less annoying when she calls me the President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee in front of boys. They can tell that I do not have big boobs without hearing her laughingly joke about it.

My little sister is flat as a pancake. However, she has the gorgeous blonde goldilocks hair, fair skin, and natural beauty that even Lindsay is a little jealous of. Ruthie is a natural dancer, singer and loves life. She can light up a room and she is incredibly silly.

Her twin brother Georgie is a lot like her. He’s handsome, like a young Brad Pitt. They both recently had a birthday and just turned 14. They are already as tall as me and I am almost 16.

I have one other brother named Lucas. He is the only one in the family with red hair. I consider him lucky because I inherited my mother’s poop-brown hair color and everyone else got lovely natural light blonde from my father. Lucas has got freckles like me, and he is taller than me even though he is only 9 months younger than me.

I somehow wound up with the nickname Freckles even though we both have them. I do not have a lot of freckles – just a light dappling of brown specks across my nose. It really gets my goat when any of my siblings dares call me Freckles even if they mean it as a term of endearment.

I am short for my age, and people often think my younger siblings are older than me. It doesn’t help that I have freckles and an extremely light complexion. Mom says that I should be happy that I look so young and not be in a hurry to get old – but it sucks because now that Lindsay is working, she expects me to step up and help keep my younger siblings in line.

The only reason my mom hadn’t dragged Lindsay along with us shopping was that she had just started a new part-time job. I was expected to do her job this summer. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t have chores of my own. It just meant that I was responsible for keeping an eye on my brothers and sisters and make sure things didn’t get out of hand.

Georgie and Lucas have a lot of energy and can get rambunctious and rough house when my parents or Lindsay isn’t around. They never do anything seriously wrong and even if they did, they are Mom’s “perfect angels” so she would usually overlook it.

Don’t get me wrong, my parents spank them and wash their mouths out with soap when they say dirty words – but it was pretty rare.

My Dad was at work. He was working overtime to help pay for our trip. My mom is incredibly thrifty, and she justifies that by pointing out that we need to save to be able to go on vacation.

My brother’s spread out in the clothing section and began playing a form of hide and seek where they both seek each other and punch one another in the arm. Mom didn’t tell them to stop. I suppose I was supposed to do that. Lindsay would have punched both of them in the arms and told them to knock it off.

I do not want to paint my older sister as a mega-bitch. She just didn’t put up with any nonsense from any of us. I was unsure of myself and didn’t really see myself as the one who could put a stop to what they were doing. I will be very honest, it’s not that I am lazy, but I also just didn’t WANT To be the one in the middle telling them to knock it off.

I had just asked my mother to get me a proper bikini this year. Her response was predictable. I do not know why I expected anything else.

“You are TOO young for a bikini like THAT,” my mom declared so loud that half the people in Wal-Mart probably heard her. “You are not too old that I won’t put you over my knee right here in the store! So, stop asking!”

My mom threatened but she rarely followed through. My parents do believe in spanking. They call it “loving domestic discipline.” It simply means that they love us, but they don’t always love what we do. It is a last resort to spank or be put in the corner. It is supposed to be embarrassing and uncomfortable– it’s supposed to remind us not to do the same thing again.

It wasn’t like I was asking for something slutty like a belly ring or tattoo. I tried to make the case that I should be allowed to have it.

“But Mom,” I whined. “Lindsay had a bathing suit like that when she was my age!”

I really wanted a French cut bikini like older girls wore. It wasn’t a microkini or anything outrageous. I wouldn’t be caught dead in anything like a thong. The one I wanted was a matching top and bottoms that wore high on the hips and had yellow polka dots. They sold it in the Junior Miss section of Walmart – how shocking could it really be?

“You are not like Lindsay when she was your age,” my mom replied stubbornly. She was right about that – both physically and mentally. I wanted to LOOK like Lindsay at 15 but I looked young for my age, and I was fairly short. I thought maybe the bikini would make me LOOK mature.

“Yeah, but if I have to do her job of watching Lucas, Georgie, and Ruth Ann then I should be treated the same as her,” I demanded and folded my arms stubbornly. I knew I was dangerously close to my mother following through on her threat. She wouldn’t make take my pants all the way down in the store, but she definitely would have spanked me over my shorts.

“I can watch after myself,” Lucas took a break from sparring with Georgie. Lucas was only 9 months younger than me, but he was incredibly goofy, and mom didn’t believe he could be unsupervised. It was part of why he got away with more than me. When he did something stupid or careless, she often assumed he just didn’t know better and often times- he really didn’t.

She usually didn’t extend the same benefit of the doubt to me.

Lucas is mama’s golden boy. He can do no wrong (in her eyes). He’s at that age where he’s started trying to wear dad’s aftershave and putting on deodorant. If I have friends come over, he sometimes embarrasses me by staring at their boobs. He definitely looks at porn – of that, I have no doubt.

Mom didn’t even respond to Lucas. She looked a little beleaguered in the store – like working and the stress we gave her was wearing on her nerves. There was no question she needed a relaxing vacation.

“Katie, your body hasn’t developed yet. You’ve got plenty of time. Right now, you are all awkward elbows and knobby knees. One day, you’ll have a figure for a bikini. This one will slide right off in the Atlantic Ocean. There is nothing wrong with a one piece swimsuit. I’ll be wearing one!”

Oh great, I’ll have on a swimsuit just like my mother wears, I thought to myself.

“Let’s wear matching SpongeBob swimsuits,” my sister Ruth Ann suggested brightly. A brightly colored cartoon character on the front would be even MORE humiliating.

Ruthie is the eternal optimist and life always seems to serve her lemonade WITH sugar before giving her bitter lemons. She was confident, positive and naturally beautiful and while I sound jealous

- I probably am (a little jealous of my little sister). Ruthie won the genetic lottery – she is destined to grow up beautiful. She isn’t just pretty though – she seems to be talented at just about everything she tries. You should see her art! It’s all pink ponies and flying kitty-cats, but it looks really exceptional.

Ruthie has a cute turned-up nose that made her look like a Disney Princess. Even though she had just turned 14 she still loved romping in the mud and getting messy like her brother Georgie. If Lucas and Georgie were her golden boys, then Ruthie was her perfect angel. Ruthie never intentionally did anything wrong, and I can’t recall a time that my parents, or even Lindsay for that matter has ever had to even make her stand in the corner.

She is goofy and playful, but that kid does not have a mean or jealous bone in her body.

Georgie is good too. He’s gregarious and a little naïve. He really looks up to Lucas and he’s his older brother’s constant shadow. I know Georgie is starting to notice girls, but unlike Lucas – Georgie has several girls in his grade swooning over HIM. He’s going to grow up to be a real heartbreaker one day.

“It’s good that you want to grow up, Katie. You should want to mature. Mother nature takes a little more time, and everybody develops differently. You’ll get there – just don’t be in such a rush. Stop and smell the flowers,” Mom offered her friendly advice. “You are way too young to worry about things like being sexy. Now, how about this SpongeBob suit? It would fit you perfectly.”

Mom held the ridiculously childish swimsuit up to my body to size it. I was so mortified because some boys were shopping with their mom a few feet away. They saw my mom hold the immature costume up to my body to get a size. I was mortified.

“How about Sandy Cheeks since you are Katie Butts? You can be Sandy Butt Cheeks!!” Lucas waved around another one-piece bikini with an image of a buck-toothed cartoon squirrel-girl wearing a space suit on it. Sandy is SpongeBob’s goofy girlfriend – and I’d be wearing a big image of her on my chest whenever I went swimming.

I shot him a sour look, but I think Georgie didn’t even notice. My little brother probably wasn’t intentionally trying to make me look like a fool. I just wished he wasn’t trying to be so “helpful”.

Mom had a ‘boys will be boys’ attitude about harmless teasing even if that is what he was doing. She let Lucas get away with saying anything he wanted to me as long as he didn’t cuss. That was a ‘wash your mouth out with soap’ kind of cardinal sin in our house.

Naturally, the rule about cussing didn’t apply to my parents themselves or to Lindsay. I think my parents would have preferred Lindsay not cuss, but she was old enough that she came across like an adult and they accepted it.

The boys that were eavesdropping were trying to stifle their giggles when they heard my brother say “Sandy Butt Cheeks”.

I could already tell what kind of summer I would have if I ended up with the suit – but I assumed I probably would.

Ruthie actually loves her last name. She also has a perfectly well-rounded butt and not a flat as a pancake butt like mine.

“Butt-Butts-Butta-Butts!-Butt-Butts-Butt!” Ruthie sang our last name as she often does when someone mentions it. She danced around playfully without a concern in the world for what anybody thought. It’s easy to do things like that when you look so beautiful. I’ve never seen her get nervous, embarrassed, or apprehensive about anything other than thunderstorms, and even then, she looks cute when she pouts and makes a worried face while nuzzling into Daddy’s arms to protect her.

“Can we try them on, Mommy? Please? Pretty please? Pretty PUH-LEEZ with whipped cream and sugar sprinkles on top,” Ruthie begged. I didn’t want to try the suit on. I assured my mom that if they weren’t our size we could always come back. The tag said “M”. It wasn’t like there were a lot of choices.

“No, we cannot. I am going to be busy and then we’ve got the trip coming back and a lot to do to prepare,” Mom pointed to the dressing room, and I knew she wouldn’t back down.

I took the Sandy Cheeks one-piece, and my sister got the Sponge Bob one. Mom insisted we also try on a “S” small one even though I was positive I was too big for that one.

My brothers were happy to try on bathing suits as well, but they were lucky. All they had to wear were shorts. I could hear them in the boy’s dressing room poking each other and laughing at each other.

My sister and I rushed off to the girl’s changing room and just as I thought the small one did not fit. I yelled out to my mother and told her that it didn’t.

“Let me see it! Stop looking at yourselves and come out here at once!” Mom demanded impatiently.

“Maw-awwmmm!” I groaned. I didn’t want to be caught dead walking around the store in this outfit even for a few minutes while my mom saw me. Mom wasn’t going to come into four different dressing rooms to check us out though. “Other kids just come out! Stop acting like a Princess and get out here right now. You are on my last nerve, Katie!”

My sister thrust aside the curtain and burst into my changing room without a thought for my modesty.

“What if I had been naked?” I flinched in shock. Ruthie blinked with a dumbfounded expression because I was not naked. She couldn’t process that I was worried about something that did not happen.

My sister changed together all of the time and it wasn’t a big deal for her to see me naked in our room. She applied the same logic to seeing me in the dressing room. She didn’t care that she just pulled the curtain open wide and if anyone was standing just outside of the women’s changing area, they might have seen me naked.

“But you weren’t,” my sister giggled and led me by the hand to show off her pretty suit to mom. Mom paraded us around the mirrors and tugged our suits to see if they were going to cover us nicely. “These are cheaply made in China. In my day, you got one swimsuit and you could wear it until you grew out of it,” Mom lamented as she patted us down and checked how snug the suits were. The suits were tight on us. They weren’t see-through but I was keenly aware that the outline of my puffy nipples could easily be distinguished through the material. I knew those strange boys were probably watching all of this.

My sister stood there like a prize pony while mom poked and prodded. I am sure I was blushing awkwardly. Mom said I was “All bony elbows and knobby knees,” as she checked me over to make sure that all of my bits were covered, and the suit would not give. “Oh, stop looking so worried. Boys at the beach would have seen a lot more of you if you wore that itty bitty bikini to the beach! What’s the big deal?”

“We aren’t AT the beach, Mom!” I groaned. Mom ignored my complaints and impatient eye-rolling and kept tugging and poking.

“You should be thanking me. If you rush me and your entire ass ends up hanging out at the beach, don’t come crying to me!” Mom chuckled before deciding that the suit was acceptable. “Yes, I think this will do,” Mom decided. I was relieved but I was worried. I didn’t want to tell her about what. “What? What is it, Katie?”

“Guys will see the outline of my boobs through my clothes,” I whispered through gritted teeth.

“Wait until you actually get boobies,” Mom acted like there was nobody watching and held her own rather sizable jugs in the palm of her hands. “There is no popping these back in once you get them. No one is going to care that you have boobs. Every girl has something. Now let me see the medium on you and hurry!”

I groaned and went back to the fitting room, but there was someone in mine. She apologized and said that she didn’t think it was still being used. She even handed me my clothes and the medium suit. I almost panicked thinking that she might steal them. My mom would have thought nothing of making me go home in the swimsuit. We went drove home from the community pool in our swimsuits all the time.

I just would have been really embarrassed to walk through Wal-Mart like that!

I would have been happy to wait for the woman to leave but she had a lot of clothes to try on. Mom was rushing me, and Ruthie offered to change with me. I didn’t get a chance to agree before my little sister tugged me into her booth.

We stripped out of our suits, and I noticed that Ruthie was finally starting to get dark pubic hair. It was just a whisp of a bush, but it made her look like Lindsay between the legs. I could still see her slit. She had a beautiful slit that reminded me of a peach. I don’t make a habit of describing my sister’s vagina, but you will see why when I tell you about mine.

My pussy looked like a thin line in the front. The only place I have blonde hair is the wisp of pubic hair just above it and on my legs. When I was little and took baths with my brother Lucas used to say “it looks like you have a butt crack In the front.”

I am very self-conscious about my body – and despite wanting to grow up and show off a little. I don’t want to show off a whole LOT! Just the parts of me I am happy with and there are not that many (yet).

My clit hood is hiding just inside and when I finger myself, I love to mash it down. When it pops out completely and my clothes rub it just the right way it gives me little orgasms – but my pussy lips don’t do anything sexually for me. The lips on my face are thicker than my pussy lips and probably more sensitive than my pussy lips.

I know I probably come off as a naive virgin. I had sex twice with a boy by this point in my life. They were awkward encounters in closets at friends’ sleepovers – very unsatisfying. I also masturbated quite a bit at home under the sheets in my bedroom. I had to do it under the covers because I shared a room with Ruthie.