Hold Person

The school year ended. I got a summer job at a deli near the game store. Harry volunteered at a community theater. He was with me every Friday night for game night, but he resisted my pleas that he join our D&D game. I think he wanted to leave Corey and me something that was just ours.

The oral went both ways, when I let him. I needed a better promise of privacy to receive it than to give it. He made me appreciate my body in whole new ways. We never talked about it, but I know we both wanted full, real, penetrative sex desperately. He never pressured me, but there were so many times I came close to jumping him and riding him.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the buttsex video. I told myself it was disgusting, but my shadow-self seemed to have really enjoyed it. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a cock up in there and how much it would be like vaginal sex, but I honestly had a lot of trouble imagining that too. My body sort of told me what it wanted and expected, but not all that clearly.

I needed a mother figure. “Hey, Aunt Deb? Can I talk to you?”

“Of course, Mal honey,” she told me, and clicked off the TV.

“You’ve ... been around a lot, right?” I asked, not at all liking how my question was coming out. “You’ve done kinky stuff in bed?”

She smiled one of those you’re-so-young-and-naive smiles. “Some, yeah,” she answered. “But that’s sort of like asking someone if they like spicy food. Everyone says yes, but what they mean by it varies hugely.”

I decided to try a different angle. “Remember those videos from a few years ago that showed a girl who looked like me but older doing sexual stuff? There are more.”

She nodded. “I know.”

I was curious about that, but I decided to plow ahead. “ ... And they’re starting to come true. A couple of them have actually happened. I didn’t mean them to.”

Her mouth hung open but she waited quietly to hear me out.

“Not the bad stuff though!” I hurried to add. “I’m still a virgin - you can check if you want! And I can’t imagine ever doing some of that stuff! But there’s this one ... It’s got butt stuff in it. Gross, right? But in the video I seem to really like it. Is that...?”

I curled up on the couch and hid my face. “Aunt Deb, I really love Harry, and I really really want him. But I want to be pure on my wedding day!”

She finished my thought for me. “And you want to know if anal sex can substitute for the real deal?” I nodded. “It’s not the same,” she told me, “but it can feel good in a similar way. Use lube: not saliva, not shampoo or cooking oil. Sex lube - and lots of it. And for christ’s sake, tell your boyfriend to take it slow. Teenage boys can sometimes forget about their partners in their excitement.”

She frowned and got contemplative. “As for the rest of it ... I don’t know what to make of it. But YOU are calling the shots, Mallory. You are in charge of your life, and you are responsible for the actions you take.” I wasn’t sure that was true, but I nodded.

That first time doing anal with Harry, we took Aunt Deb’s advice too far. He must have used half the bottle of lube. It got everywhere! Sheets, clothes, carpet, armpits, noses. We did it missionary with my legs sticking in the air. Having a piece of him inside me, filling me up, was the most profound experience of my life. He didn’t last very long. I guess the tolerance he’d built up from BJs didn’t apply. But I liked it, and I knew that I could come from it.

The second time we did it doggy-style. I was so close to coming when he finished that I begged him not to stop. He tried - he really tried - but his body failed him. The time after that, he got me started with his finger, which I was hesitant about. But he got me relaxed and took his time, and he made me come, just by moving his finger in and out. I immediately pulled him on top of me and he fucked my butt, and it was short but we both came. We eventually found that cowgirl was our favorite position. We liked smiling at each other and he liked watching my boobs jiggle. I learned some ways to move that could get him even more excited.

We did it every chance we got, but we needed so much time and so much privacy. I was sort of obsessed with cleaning up after. I was terrified at the thought that my dad might smell sex lube on me or wonder why there were so many towels in the hamper. One time Aunt Deb pointed out semen stains that she found doing the laundry, and warned that if Dad ever asked her directly what she knew about my sex life, she’d have to tell him.

If anything, this new way of being together made us want penis-in-vagina sex even more.