Chapter 1: It Happened One Day

It was a Saturday, a sunny and a warm one here in L.A. Mom and Dad had gone separate ways two years before he just fell-over, and never got up again. The medicos said it was, unexpected, fate they said. It left me a great big house in the hills, enough cash, bonds and stocks to never have to work again and at 21, I expected that to be a long time. Oh, I forgot to mention the cars he left me, three of them. A 1955 Corvette, a 2018 Mercedes-Benz S Class and a 2020 Land Rover SVA in black with the long wheelbase. All things considered, those three alone were worth 500 Grand; Dad loved cars.

As I was saying, I was driving my 2019 Audi Q7 to; what was now my new house. Well, not new, but new to me ... you know what I mean. The house was 5 or 6 years old, 5 bedrooms, a pool, hot-tub, sauna, patio and 4 nice size bathrooms on a gated lot near a Country Club. ‘All I would ever need’ I thought. I was so naïve, I found out later.

I saw them as I pulled near to the front gate to use my remote opener. The older, taller one was a typical California girl: cute. The short one was in a girl-scout type outfit and very young-looking. They were just standing there with two big boxes marked chocolate candy bars at their feet, nice size ones(not their feet, the large, bar sized chocolate candy) but the short one was also crying.

“Hey you two, stand over by the plants, they need to be watered more; we got water-use restriction rules you know?” That got their attention enough to get me ‘The Look’ from stretch and for the short one to stop crying.

“What’s the problem guys?” That got me a outburst of responses. “We are girls; Stupido! The candy is melting! We are hot, thirsty, tired, hungry and...”

“Wow! How did all that happen?” That got short-stuff watering the street again. The tall one gave me ‘The Look’ again and a finger gesture that was indicative of her being less than pleased by my comment.

“OK! Get in. I can feed, water you and maybe we can save the candy before I eat it. We can call your parents or I’ll drive you right home.”

“How do we know if that’s all you would do with us?”

“Har, Me Lovelies! You don’t.” That got a giggle or two from them. “Okay, I might even pay for a few chocolate bars, too.” I handed the tall one my cell. “Call home and tell them what we are doing, read my car plate to them and say my name is Mike Manza at 248 Vista Lane.”

That she did. She turned to me and asked: “Mom want’s to know what you would charge to keep us?”

“Huh!” I shook my head. The tall one was smiling. My reply: “A bunch! Maybe if you can cook, clean, do the pool and mow the lawn we can discuss a monthly fee reduction.” ‘Ha! Try to toy with me will she.’ I thought to myself. I was starting to like this kid. Short-stuff was crossing her legs and hopping up and down. “Bathrooms inside the house Shorty, can you make it a few more minutes?” She nodded her head and they both got into the car. Princess still had my phone and was relaying step by step what we were doing. I could hear laughing from the cell. I yelled out: “The price just went up to keep them. I may just take them back home after the potty break or maybe after I feed and water them!” The tall one stuck out her tongue. I made to grab it, but to no avail.

I pulled in the circular drive by the front door, unlocked it and led Frick and Frack into 2 bathrooms. I got my cell back from Frick and told whoever was on the other end they were welcome here to join us for food, that we had a pool to use if they could bring swim suits for the girls, as I didn’t know them well enough for them to ‘go native’ yet.” Her response was: “Would I get a discount then to have you keep them. Just Charlie even!”

“I assume Charlie is the tall one? Genius, Huh!”

“Yep!”

“Code to get in is 11234. I’ll feed and water them for now, but call back ... Hell, just stay on the line if you don’t come tell me what you want to do by lunch time, I’ll drive them back home!”

“You can’t just keep them? They don’t eat much only bread and water and some oats once a week.”

“I wondered where she(Frick) got her ‘attitude’ from? Now I knew.” From the kids looks and the sexy voice on the phone I really wondered how the Mom looked. Frick came back, I handed her the phone and went to the kitchen. Frick followed me, then opened the fridge and started discussing things with Mom I guess, as to what was in there.

In a few years she would be something else. On second thought, she was something else already. I guess what cusine was in the house was not up to their California fine dining standards because she started calling out 70 things Mom needed to bring with her. Prawns and truffles and Yak-milk butter sounded a bit pretenious to me, but ‘Oh Well, this was LA.’ At first I wondered if she was just playing me. With the: “OK, light the grill. Where do you keep the ‘real’ blue-cheese and Beluga?” Looking in the fridge further, she said: “What no veal either!” So, nope, this girl was serious when it came to food. No wonder I got the request to keep her. “Where is the wine? I can’t find any Domaine Leflaive Montrachet Grand Cru ‘94(France each bottle $8 to $9,000). Goes the best with the Caviar!” I saw now that she was very expensive to feed and water too. She may eat more than bread and water and she would be an expensive toy just to keep around. More laughs from the distaff(As applied to a female) voice on the phone. Thanks be for long-life batteries since my phone was still in-use.

“There are a few bottles of 1982 Lafite Rothschild(French Bordeaux only $6 to $7,000 each bottle) laying down the wine rack for Reds in the cabinet to your left. From Northern Italy Princess?”

“Sì, da parte di madre(Italian for: Yes, on Mother’s side!) ‘Stupido’(Dummy) I heard her whisper into the phone.” Frick and Frack exchanged looks, Frack had just found us and was still pulling her skirt down and adjusting the rest of her outfit. Frick said outloud: “Anche se potrebbe essere addestrabile.”(Italian for: Although he might be trainable!)

She turned up a scowl, both did, when I offered to have the Club Chef prepare ‘our’ food today! “Yuk!” They said. Junior Princess was emulating ‘Big Sister’; by being a might picky maybe. Frack started laying out melted candy on the table, looking at me closely.

“Sam(Samantha), stop that, do some work, even try to boil some water for pasta, leave your ‘new toy’ alone, if you can. You(Pointing to me) she said light the grill!”

“Yes, Master Sgt, Sir, Yes, Sir! Which one, Sir? The one inside the kitchen or the one on the patio?” The squinted eyes sort of told me something. I lit both. I think I was in-love.

“Sam(Frack), you got to turn the correct stove burner on to boil the water and use a bigger pot with a cover please, add salt and a little oil. Schnell!(Right now, hurry)”

“You(Meaning me) where do you keep the spices?”

“Ahh! New house!” I threw up my hands and shrugged my shoulders.

“Men!” she mouthed, and shook her head.

My offer to buy some candy bars by handing Frack(Sam) a $100 bill only resulted in a finger snap and her hand held out for more. I remembered this was LA and dug for more. Saved by the bell or chimes in this case. When I opened the door it was ‘The Voice’ from on the phone and she was carrying a lot of stuff. I held out another $100 to her and she handed me a plastic bag from her right hand.

“In your wet dreams sailor. That won’t even pay for the Prawns.”

“If and I say ‘IF’ I decided to keep her, the price just went up again, it went up alot. She costs a fortune to feed!”

“I know, why else do you think I asked you to keep them before you found out. Sam(Frack) is not so bad, YET, but Charlie(Frick)...”

“Let me guess, Evian spring water melted straight from the Alps. Fresh French bread flown-in daily from Paris and rolled oats with...”

“You got it. Takes after her Father. May he burn in Hell.”

“Deceased?”

“No! I wish though! Getting divorced from the cheating bastard. Good thing there was no pre-nup so 50% to each here in Calfifornia, expensive night out for him.”

“Was ‘SHE’(Frick) always like this?”

“No! She(Fric) toned down a lot after the divorce was set, lot less of a food bill now.”

I just nodded. Looked at her then shook my head before taking more bags. She turned and headed back out. I asked her: “Where are you going?”

“More things in the car.” The whisper of, “Along with some clothes and PJ’s for them,” did not escape my ears.

Frick(Charlie) could cook, I’ll give her that. The bikinis her Mom brought must have been from St. Tropez, all two inches of them, not that I felt either one needed any more but still...

Anyway, the sun had set. The cost of my sanity that night was $200 more for the unmelted candy still in the box, storage of their already packed clothes in ‘HER’(Frick’s) room, she said to put them in there, along with a promise to re-consider keeping at least Charlie(Frick) forever. They would be gone tonight though, if I had my way. When that happened my shout: ‘Frick(Charlie not Elvis) has left the building’ would seem appropriate as a cheer. I snacked on the leftover food from dinner. It was good warmed up even. Did I mention Frick could cook? Shelly, her Mom, said Charlie(Frick) was 12 going on 35 and waiting on Stanford and UCLA to approve her early enrollment. She had not decided between Law or being a Doctor yet. I pitied the school that eventually got her. My thought was that me taking a holiday, a long one, far away should get increased consideration.

What did I know, I was only a man, after all. The next morning, early morning, 7 am early; I heard the pool slider door roll open and two suit cases were wheeled in. Frick(Charlie) came in to see me drinking coffee and said: “There are 4 more bags outside, bring them in. Which is MY room?” I closed my eyes, hoping this was all a dream and would soon go away. “Mom, left us with you then went someplace and would not tell me where. Sam is still waiting outside.” She handed me a few bundles of $100 bills. “From Mom, for food I guess.” Then proceeded to the fridge. “Nothing left!” she said when it was open.

Not a dream, nor was my new headache going away anytime soon! Rather, it was going to be more a nightmare based on her last statements. Trying re-dial on my cell got no answer from their Mom.

“I’m hungry, what’s for breakfast?”

That sort of did it for me; I wanted to cry now. The door chimes got me going to the front door instead. Sam(Frack) came in. “You left me here. I need to Pee. What are we having for breakfast?” She was well on her way to copying her sister; both would be expensive I assumed.

What to do?

Some Solutions Just Do Not Work

Easy answer to that question! Join the Marines, call cousin Guido and bury them both, or send them on a plane to East Slobovia or Iran as slaves far away. Any of the three options would have worked until they both started stripping down to those damn St.Tropez bikinis. Add the big almost pleading eyes and you try to refuse them anything, well, most anything. I had a feeling who wore the panties in their family.

I got pushed aside now. “Hey, Frick(Charlie), what the Hell girl, what are you doing?”

“Bring the stuff in, hurry, chop-chop, we’ve got Rena’s unsold candy in one bag still outside. If it gets too hot outside, they will melt, too.”

“What? Rena? Are there more of you? Maybe I should...”

“No, only Rena, she will help clean inside the house. We need a check, I already hired B J Peterson & Son to mow the lawn and clean the pool once a week for ‘us’.

“Sam(Frack) can do...”

“No she can’t, Sam is utterly useless around the house. I’ll end up having to take care of all the details myself. You see how ‘great’(NOT) she is just to boil water!”

“I thought Sam did a pretty decent job for only being 7 or 8.,”

“Except idiot Sam is 11 almost 12, she takes after the lazy part of the ‘family,’ more like Uncle Gino I think.” Frick said she was 14.

“And another thing, Friday is my birthday, my 15th also I am a ‘WOMAN’. Blue is my color and I like diamonds and long walks on the beach too.”

‘What was that supposed to mean?’ I thought. There is no way they were staying until Friday, then I glanced at her 2 inches of bikini and re-considered. She did not look like near 15! Maybe that was what she meant about being a woman now.

“Let’s get something out in the open. You eat what I eat and that’s not truffles and Yak-milk butter.”

“What, you didn’t like my cooking?” pointing to the missing food in the fridge. “I’ll always make extra for you and Sam(Frack) likes my cooking too.” Sam nodded her head, shedding the last of the open shirt over her bikini top.

I guess I finally ‘laid down the law’. Right. On Friday, dressed(Almost) for her birthday, Fric came down from ‘her’ room ready to hit the Club in a nude, err I mean new dress wearing a gift to her. “Chris(Christian Dior Company-The Couture division) sent me this(Moving her hand over the dress) for my birthday. Is it all right; doesn’t make me look fat does it? OH! By The Way, thank you for my gift too, I ‘luv’ it!(sounding like a normal valley-girl I guess)

We, me, Fric and Frack(Still no return of Shelly) were not quite ‘moving out.’ I was still staring at her. In those 6 inch heels, stradling the last step coming down from upstairs, and wearing a very low-cut, ‘little black dress’(White actually) she did not look like a 15 year-old girl I think I said earlier. She twirled around. “I wanted to look nice for you!” Is all she said as she came up, put her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss, it was not a ‘little-girl’ kiss either. Not to be different, Frack(Sam) launched herself from the step behind Frick, heading right into me and gave me her kiss. I had to ask myself if these were still the spoiled ‘Mafia Princesses’ from before. I had checked up on the Father and Yes, Shelly also was from Italy.