Chapter 1

Sometimes things come along in life that can be unexpected. Sometimes unexpected is exactly what you need, but didn’t know you needed it.

The name is Ric Hayes. I’m just your average, long haired forty-two year old former heavy metal guitarist and back up singer. I say former because the cover band, “British Preist”, that I had been in for several years, broke up fairly recently. We called ourselves that because we were a Judas Priest tribute band. We were very good at it too. Our lead singer could sound just like Rob Halford when he wanted to. That is, if he wasn’t sloppy drunk. That was one of the reasons why we split up. His drinking became a problem, so much so that sometimes I’d have to take on lead singing duties as well as playing guitar. I didn’t sound anything like Mr. Halford, either. We all had nine-to-five jobs, so splitting up didn’t cause me or anyone else in the band financial trouble. Anyway, enough about me.

One thing that’s pretty much a constant fact about being in a band is the abundance of chicks hanging around. If a girl sees you on stage, chances are she’ll want to bed you, like you’re a status symbol or some shit. I’ve gone to clubs where my band wasn’t playing, and even though I’m not a bad looking guy, not a single woman would give me the time of day. Yet, say we played the same club the very next weekend, and those same women would be crawling all over us. Yep, being in a good band will definitely get you laid. And believe me, I definitely had my share. Black, White, Latino, or Asian, I sampled lots and lots of all flavors that were offered, and I have to admit, sometimes I’d wear a condom, sometimes I wouldn’t. It just depended on how hot the chick was. If she was grinding all over me and I didn’t have one, so be it. I know, irresponsible, huh?

Another thing that I found to be true; there’s no such thing as bad pussy. Some are just better than others. Same way with blow jobs and anal sex. And if anal sex was your thing, if one girl wouldn’t do it, then the next girl would. In my opinion, the hairier, the better. I absolutely HATE it when a woman shaves her pubes. It always makes me feel like a pedophile. Hell, I don’t even like it trimmed. Let that shit grow long and wild! That way, you can eat and floss your teeth at the same time! There’s nothing like going through a brush pile to get to a picnic, I always say!