Chapter 5

Celia couldn’t sleep. The conversation she had with John kept coming to her. “I wanted to be treated the same way as everybody else,” he had said.

“That’s unfair”, she thought. “We only excluded him from the orgies, but in everything else...” Suddenly, something about Melody recounting her discussion with John burned through her thoughts. “Name one thing you do as a family where I’m included, besides living under the same roof.” Claire sat still for a few seconds, even forgetting how to breathe. Like Melody, she strained to think about one thing they did as a family that included John, but nothing came to her. Even this very weekend, Melody and she had gone shopping. Mark and Patrick had gone to the links. What was John doing? Ok, he was having sex with Claire, but what about last weekend? And the weekend before that?

She had to think very hard to find something. The last time they went out all together as a family had been when John was thirteen, and it had been his birthday. They had spent the day at the amusement park. Since then, all his birthdays had been celebrated at home.

She harshly pushed her sleeping husband’s shoulder.

“Uh? What...?” His half-asleep eyes opened in confusion.

“When was the last time you and John did something as father and son?” she asked him.

“What ... who?” he still wasn’t there.

“When was the last time you and John did something as father and son?” she repeated, impatient.

Awake now, Patrick had to think for a while. “I ... I don’t remember, why?” he asked.

“You went today with Mark to play golf. You do that every weekend. When was the last time you included John?”

“John doesn’t like golf. What’s this about?” His voice conveyed a bit of irritation.

“How do you know he doesn’t like golf?” she insisted.

Patrick started to answer, but Celia interrupted him again.

“When was the last time you spent father-son time with him?”

“We do things together all the time! Just last week...” he suddenly stopped. The fog in his brain cleared. “No, that was Mark, not John,” Patrick remembered. He searched his memory but came out with a blank. “I don’t remember,” he answered in defeat.

“So, John was right,” Celia admitted, tears coming to her eyes. Despite Patrick’s assurances of loving John as a son, it was clear that, whether consciously or subconsciously, he didn’t see John as equal to Mark and Melody.

“You’re Mark’s mother too, and you suck his cock,” John had said. At that time, she had thought that John was just being jealous, but now she saw it held a much deeper meaning than that. It had been subtle enough as not to be noticed by anybody (“by anybody but John”, she mused), but there was no doubt now that, for both parents, John was an outsider to the family. She wondered if that attitude had rubbed off on Melody and Mark. “Perhaps then we will be a whole loving family,” Mark had said that fateful day. His meaning was clear: A whole loving family ... without John. She had scolded him but then she remembered her words after that: “Although I’m also waiting for that time,” she had said. And John had heard each word. No wonder he called her Ma’am, not Mom.

“How could I be so blind, so stupid?” Celia asked herself, upset. She looked at her husband. He was also lost in his own thoughts.

The next morning Patrick entered the kitchen and saw John having breakfast. The table was set and the food was already on dishes, but he was eating alone. Melody and Mark were still getting dressed in their rooms, and Celia was picking up the laundry.

“Say, Son, what are you doing this afternoon?” Patrick asked in an upbeat tone.

“I don’t know. Why?” John answered, his mouth half-full.

“I thought that perhaps you and I should play a round of golf, it’s been ages since we did.” John raised his head and looked at his father. Patrick was smiling, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes, something that wasn’t lost on John.

“Thanks, but I don’t play golf anymore,” John reminded him. “The last time we played together was when I was 12 at the junior club, I think.” There was no malice in his voice, he was just stating a fact.

“Oh,” Patrick blushed, but quickly recovered. “Perhaps you would like to do something else, you know, father and son stuff.”

John stopped eating and looked at him, surprised. “Don’t you think it’s a bit late for that?” Again, his voice didn’t convey resentment or irony, just curiosity.

“Well ... I know I haven’t been father of the year, but...” Patrick shrugged as he let his voice trail off.

“Thanks, I’m good. I think I’ll spend the afternoon with my friends.” John turned his attention to the rest of his breakfast.

Patrick was about to ask him which friends, but then it hit him: He didn’t know John’s friends. He was sure John had mentioned them, but right now he could not remember even one name. “Father of the year, indeed.” Despite all his assurances of love, it was clear that, deep inside, he indeed resented John’s existence. Perhaps that’s why it was so easy for him to accept Celia’s decision of leaving him out of the group, because it gave him a pretext not to fight for John.

Despondent, he gave John a smile and left to work, his own breakfast untouched.

In the end, John didn’t go to a friend’s house. He decided to spend the afternoon at the park, alone with his thoughts.

“First Celia, now Patrick, “ he thought. It had been clear that Patrick’s clumsy attempt to bond with him was just that, an attempt, and insincere at that. “To assuage his conscience, perhaps?” Anyway, it didn’t matter. As soon as he received the answers to his college applications, he would start his exit strategy.