Chapter 4

Claire couldn’t sleep. The conversation she had with John kept coming to her. But that doesn’t explain why you never sat with me. He was right. There was no explanation for that, at least, not one who didn’t paint her as a shallow person. In her world there were two types of people: Those in the sex circle, and everybody else. Unlike Melody, she didn’t go out on dates, mainly because she was too tired on her weekend nights. Yes, she had friends, mostly the girls in the cheerleader squad, but there was no boy she could call a boyfriend, neither FWB, not even a crush. Her sexual needs were totally met by her family, so she had no need to seek for it elsewhere.

Or did she?

She remembered that, when she was inducted into the circle, she was really eager to sample her cousin. She also remembered her disappointment when she was told that John had decided not to join. Moreover, she had been asked not to mention their activities in front of him. Out of sight, out of mind, was the explanation John’s Mom gave her. And it was logical ... at that time. When she found out the truth at that meeting, she was so upset at Celia’s family that she had stopped having sex with them.

But the worst thing was how casually John dismissed her company. It was clear that John thought that she was as shallow as Melody or Mark.

But I’m not! she thought. I’m just a regular girl with a healthy sex drive Yes, but that didn’t explain why she ignored his cousin at school.

At that moment she decided that she should be better. She would try to have her cousin back. If not as a lover, perhaps as a friend. But she would prove him that she was not the shallow bitch he believed she was. And for this, she needed a plan.

Lost in her thoughts, sleep still eluded her.

...

“So, how did it go?” asked Patrick when Celia returned to their bed.

“Not well,” she answered. Even before closing his bedroom’s door, she had known she had failed. John’s reaction had been purely physical. When she looked at him, their eyes had not met. Instead, John’s expression showed clearly that he was elsewhere. Perhaps fantasizing about some porn star or some classmate. But he definitely was not thinking about Celia.

Patrick sighed. He had suspected that Celia’s plan wouldn’t work, but he had thought it was worth the attempt.

“Oh, he came all right,” she explained. “I also ate his cum and tucked him afterwards, but...” -Celia’s eyes started to mist- “He was not there. He simply went elsewhere, some place I was not.”

Patrick hugged his wife. No words of wisdom came to him. Although he knew John wasn’t his blood, he loved him as much as he loved his other children. If this were a discipline matter, a maturity matter, it would be different. He was equipped to deal with those. But now he didn’t have the high moral ground, not even paternal authority. Not because John wasn’t his child, he had accepted that a long time ago. But, what paternal authority can have a man who is banging his own daughter, who conspired to keep his own child in the dark, who laughed when somebody said that the family would be better without that child? He believed that, this time, it was up to Celia and Melody to bring John back.

He simply hugged Celia until she fell asleep.

...

Early in the morning, Celia was busy preparing breakfast for everybody. In fact, her hands were busy, her mind was elsewhere. Last night she had sucked her son’s penis, eaten his sperm and cleaned him afterwards. For all accounts, it should be a joyous occasion.

But it wasn’t.

She set the table and waited for the kids to come down. Melody came first, then Mark.

“Hi Mom,” said Melody. “Good morning,” said Mark

Both siblings dug into the food. There was none of the old banter. Oh, yes, between bites they talked about mundane things, school, work, but none of the old sexual innuendo they used to have, an innuendo so subtle that always went over John’s head.

Speaking of the devil, John appeared and sat down to eat. “Good morning, people.” People, thought Celia. Since the discovery he had called them “people,” when before that his normal greeting was “Hello, family.” It was clear that under his nonchalant behavior there was a rift that grew bigger and bigger.

Mark finished eating, got his backpack and left for college. Patrick had left earlier, his job as a warehouse manager starting earlier than most.

So, there were only the three of them. Melody, Celia and John. Perhaps it’s better for Patrick not to be here, Celia thought. What she was about to discuss would probably hurt him a lot. She would inform him afterwards.

“John, dear, there’s something I want to discuss with you.” Celia started.

He raised his head. “What’s that, Ma’am?” he answered. Ma’am, winced Celia.

“Yesterday I was cleaning your room and found some disturbing news.” Her tone was conciliatory, not threatening. She knew she had to thread carefully now.

Melody stopped eating and looked at them.

“I found some brochures for colleges that weren’t in your plans.”

“Oh, yes. I’m assessing alternatives.” John had noticed the clean room, but he had not realized that she had looked through his papers. “There are several places with the programs I’m interested in.”

“But ... why so far away? A couple of them are in the opposite coast.” Again, Celia kept her voice steady and affable, not wanting to cause John to raise his shields.

He thought it over before answering. “Well, I’m an adult now and I must learn to live alone. I think the change will be beneficial for me in the long term. Besides, I think it will be good for everybody if I’m away for a while.” You wanted the house for yourselves, didn’t you? It was left unsaid, but Celia heard it clearly.

“John, I know we hurt you a lot, but do you really think that leaving your family behind is the right course?”

Melody felt distressed. She was already missing her brother despite him living in the same house and going to the same school, and now it looked like he would be absent for years.

“But you were planning to go to a nearby college,” she said. “Why would you...” she closed her mouth. She knew the answer. Everybody knew the answer.

“And...” Celia prepared for the worst- “I also found an application for a legal name change.”

John was waiting for this. When she mentioned finding his papers, he knew it was impossible for her to miss the list he had written.

“Look, ma’am...” he started.

“MOM!” Celia cried, unable to contain herself. “I’m MOM, not MA’AM!”

“I’m late for school,” said John, standing up. “Bye, people!”

Seeing her son leaving, Celia couldn’t contain her tears.

Melody was shocked. Changing his legal name would be cutting his last tie to this family. How could John be so cruel, so callous? She embraced her Mom until the tears stopped.

...

John was upset. Walking to the school, he tried to find some empathy, some concern for his Mom’s obvious pain. He found none. And that was distressing by itself. What kind of monster am I turning into? he thought. I should have hugged Celia, told her that everything would be all right, but ... I couldn’t. Not even then he could bring himself to call her “Mom”. The last time he had felt something for his mother was the first time he asked her to suck his cock. When she refused, she inadvertently started to cut the flimsy string that joined him to his family. Her repeated refusals simply finished the work.

Classes were routine, but he tried to focus on those.

At lunchtime, he went to the cafeteria, filled a tray and sat to eat.

He had started to eat when another tray was placed in front of him. He raised his head and there was Claire, sharing his table.

“Hi, John.” She greeted him. Her eyes seemed to defy him to send her away.

“Hi,” he answered. He didn’t say anything else.

Both of them ate in silence. He didn’t understand what Claire’s game was.

He finished and saw that she was still halfway through her lunch. “Bye, Claire.”

She smiled and said “Bye, John.”

He was in the corridor when Melody caught up with him. “You, insensitive, loathsome jerk!” she uttered in a low voice. “Can’t you see Mom is suffering?”

He looked at her. “Don’t you think I know that?” he said, in an even voice.

She was a bit surprised about his admission, she expected a denial or a bullshit excuse.

“Then why won’t you do something about it? We’re sorry about leaving you out, but that’s not an excuse for how you’re treating us.”

He looked at Melody. “So, what’s your excuse for how you treated me?”

She looked at him, impatient. “Ok, I’m sorry, we’re all sorry, why can’t you just get over it?”

He looked her in the eyes. “Sorry is not enough. And, to answer your question, I am sorry that Mom is upset, but I can’t help her.” Her eyes conveyed incredulity. “I’m serious. The place inside me where I kept my love for the family, for Mom, for you, now there’s nothing. Can you understand that? Nothing!”

Her lips trembled. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” he confirmed. “When I heard your cruel words, from ALL of you, something broke inside me. I’ve tried to find something, anything, but there’s nothing there. Right now, you’re just some strangers in whose house I live.”

Melody was devastated. This was not just a tantrum, nor a phase. Somewhere the word “alienation” came to her mind.

“But we’re not strangers,” she pleaded. “We’re your family.”

“Really?” asked John. “Name one thing you do as a family where I’m included, besides living under the same roof”

“Well, we...” suddenly Melody didn’t have an answer. When was the last time they had included John in something? Yes, they did one-on-one things, like sharing an ice cream or shopping for clothes. But for activities including the whole family, they always managed to leave him behind, because it was easier to do “things” when he was not present.

“I see you can’t name a thing,” commented John. She lowered her head in shame.

“So, to your claim that you’re my family, my answer is not anymore.” The finality of his words was chilling. Then he turned and left.

Melody remained there, unable to move. The same thought hammered her brain: I should have sucked his cock the first time he asked. Perhaps it would have helped, but now it was a moot point.

She dragged herself to her next class.

...

It was a tense time at home. Patrick had started to leave early and arrive late, therefore spending little time with his children. John participated in the conversation at the table, but only for small talk. He even tried to make jokes, but every time somebody tried to have a deep conversation, he withdrew into himself and excused to go to his room.

Melody had not shared with anybody what John had told her. She knew her parents would be devastated if they knew the actual extent of the damage. So, she suffered in silence, missing her older brother.

Mark seemed to have accepted that John wasn’t there anymore, but his frustration due to the lack of sex made him irritable. He hadn’t dared to talk again to John, his threat still resounding in his ears.

...

The next day, Claire approached John’s table with her tray on her hands. “Can I sit here?” she asked.

“It’s a free country” he answered, looking at his food.

She sat in front of him. She looked at him a few minutes, her food untouched. “John, can we talk?” she started.

“Won’t you lose school cred when your friends see you talking to a nerd?” he said.

She took a deep breath. “Look, I know you think I’m a shallow bitch, and perhaps you’re right. But I’m trying to change.”

“Good for you. What does it have to do with me?” At that moment John realized he was being deliberately obnoxious, and he didn’t like it. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. I’m listening.”

“I remember that we were very close when we were children. That changed when we started high school. I bought into all the hype: cliques, cheerleaders, status and all that BS. But now I realize nothing of that has value. Then the circle thing occurred, and we separated even further. I would like to start again, apologize and see if we can find our way to be friends again. For you to be again Johnny instead of John.” She looked at him with a mixture of shame and expectation.

“Well...” he said. “Yes, I think I’d like that.” Her smile lightened the room.

Then they started to talk about school, teachers and stuff. By tacit agreement, both deliberately avoided two subjects, sex and family.

The next few days, Claire spent her lunch time with John.

It was already Friday. John was getting used to have Claire sitting in front of him talking of everything and nothing at the same time. Suddenly she got serious.

“John, can I ask you a favor?” she asked.

“What kind of favor?” he answered, wary.

“You see, I have not had sex for a couple of weeks and I’m almost climbing the walls. Would you like to have sex with me?” Her innocent expression wasn’t congruent with her request, which somehow made it a lot more unexpected.

“I don’t think so,” he said.

“Come on, I’m saying please.” She batted her eyelashes.

“I don’t need pity fucks.” He swept the room with his arm. “There’s a whole school of boys here who would be happy to scratch your itch.”

Claire looked indignant. “It’s not a pity fuck!” she hissed. “And if I do it with anyone else, the next day the whole school will know about it.” Her expression softened. “Look John, when they told me about the circle one of the reasons I accepted was because I wanted you. Then they told me that you weren’t interested, and that you didn’t want to hear about it. When I knew the truth, I was so upset with all of them that I left the circle. But now I’m horny, and want YOU to scratch my itch. Please?”