Chapter 6

Emily was frustrated. It had been already one week, and still no progress. She had waited for Paul at the gate of his building but somehow he knew and came and left through the service door. When she went there to wait for him, he used the front door. And the few times she managed to enter the building, he didn’t answer his door bell.

Unknown to her, the gate camera told him in what gate she was and he used the other.

But today the intercom squawked “Come on in” and the door buzzed. She pushed the door and ran to the elevator.

When the door opened she tried to hug her brother, but he put his hand in front in a gesture of stop. “Please sit down,” he told her.

She sat on the sofa. He looked at her eyes and said, “Ok, talk.”

Suddenly her mind went blank and she forgot the whole speech she had rehearsed for so many days.

He kept looking at her. She started: “Paul, I...” He remained silent. She realized it was her show.

“Paul, I’m so sorry for the way I treated you, for the way we treated you. First for not being a loving sister, and second for excluding you from the circle.”

Paul didn’t say a word.

“I want to atone for all of that, but I don’t know how.” He raised an eyebrow. “Well, she thought. Of course I know at least one way to start.” She began to open her blouse. But to her surprise, Paul repeated the “Stop” gesture.

“You wanted to talk, so talk. Talk only.” He said.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “So many wrongs won’t be fixed with a simple fuck.” After an awkward minute of silence, Emily started again. “Paul, since we were kids Mike and I had a special relationship, being twins. They say twins have a stronger connection that normal siblings, and in our case it was true. The truth is, you weren’t in our radar for a long time and, when you appeared, we saw you more like a nuisance. And when we entered the circle the gap between us only grew larger.” She saw the pain in his face, but decided to go on. After all, nothing but outmost sincerity would work.

She waited for Paul to say something, but when he didn’t, she continued. “It was like if excluding you was another game for us, something to bond over about. We pranked you because that gave us a common, easy target. The thing is, at that time we didn’t think of you as our brother, so we didn’t consider your feelings or that we were making you suffer.”

She looked at his expressionless face.

“Paul, won’t you say something?” she asked.

“No,” he answered. “Please continue.”

“You know Mike and I started to have sex long before joining the circle. Well, that was a natural progression, since we knew about our family’s lifestyle. It was something I thought made us closer, but at the same time you were further excluded. And then...”

She looked at him and knew what he was thinking. “Yes, I know you asked me and I told you to wait until you were 18. I thought it was fun to tease and deny you. I don’t know if at that time I had already decided not to have sex with you, but when the cousins started to talk shit about you, I joined them. At no time I thought about how you would feel about it. It was only when I heard Uncle John make that “safe place” comment that I understood what we had done. We were supposed to be your safe place, and we weren’t. Instead, we were your nemesis. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Please believe me, I’m so sorry about it!”

Paul remained silent.

“Oh, please! Can you say something?” She blurted.

“What about the others?” he asked.

“Others? What do you mean?”

“The others in the circle. Our cousins, aunts, uncles. Mom. Mike.”

“Well, Mike does not live with us anymore. He blames you for Mom and I curtailing his access to our bodies.”

“Figures.”

“Mom told me once that she hadn’t realized how shitty was your life. If she had known she would have done something, but the truth is that her sexual needs were met and, since Mike and I were almost independent, she believed you were, too. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you had asked her first instead of me.”

“And the others ... well, after all what happened I think they learned something from this disaster. They tell me that the circle is now more focused on love than on sex, but I wouldn’t know. Mom and I are not a part of it anymore.”

“Well, that’s interesting,” said Paul. “So, what is what you want?”

“We want you back, Paul. We want our family together again,” she stated with passion. “And don’t worry about the circle, they will accept you now.”