I had an accident, I fell off my bike on my last ride in September. The pedal caught something and over I went. No damage other than my pride and a couple of scrapes. Then the cold weather hit and my bike stays in my unheated garage.

I don’t go out there often, it’s cold. Today I found a dildo stuck to my bicycle seat with a sign: “To help you stay on.”

I need to figure out which of my lunatic friends did that so I can kill them. I’ve been looking for that toy for weeks!