Jokes and Giggles Part Three
Copyright© 2021 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 95
Thoughts for today:
Music is like candy. You throw the rappers away.
When you are young you think about dates. When you are old you think about prunes.
Last week at the grocery store, I saw a man slipping celery into other people’s shopping carts...
I believe he was a stalker.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. - Reba McEntire
It’s not that I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late. - Max Kaufman
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. All those other genders you just pulled out of Uranus.
My boss, who is on vacation, phoned me today. He said, “Is everything OK at the office?”
I said, “It’s all under control. It’s been a very busy day. I haven’t stopped to take a break all day.”
“Can you do me a favor,” he asked.
I said, “Of course, what is it?”
“Pick up the pace a little. I’m in the golf foursome behind you.”
The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”
“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change”
After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench.
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