Chapter 89

I can always count on the Old_Grey_Duck

In the wilds of Minnesota, Sven was tending to the family farm, when he was kicked in the groin by a mule. He fell over, gasping, as expected, and eventually he was able to get up and see his doctor. “Vat am I s’possed to do, Doc? Next Saturday is my vedding day wi’ Lena!” He looked sadly at his mangled penis.

The doctor says “Vell, Sven, it’s not too bad. Ve vill just putcha pecker in a brace so it sets back to rights.” With that, he took out four large tongue depressors and some surgical tape. “Now you just leave dis alone for a few days and you be good as new! In fact, the longer the better!” Taking the four tongue depressors and placing one on the top and bottom and each side of Sven’s penis, he wrapped it with surgical tape to hold everything in place.

Saturday came and Sven and Lena were married. That night, they got to the motel and the groom started to undress the young and virginal bride. “Sven,” Lena said in a shy voice, “You vill be de first man to see me naked. And you vill be de first man that I see naked!”

As Svens underpants fell to the floor, Lena smiled. “Oh boy! Et’s still in de packing crate!”

Smokeyjoe342022-10-17, 12:08:35 a.m.

Murphy’s Law’s On Technology.

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

If builders-built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he will believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Always draw your curves, then plot your readings.

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

All’s well that ends.

A meeting is an event in which minutes are kept and the hours that are lost.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

New systems generate new problems.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.