Chapter 77

Smokeyjoe342 provided some Aussie Jokes, Enjoy!!!!

Q: What do you call a kangaroo that is a dead set genius?
A: A quantum leap

Q: When is a bear not a bear?
A: When he doesn’t have the right koalaifications.

Q: Why did the wombat decide to cross over the road?
A: To see his flatmate

An Aussie walks into the bar the other night wearing one thong (flip flop). One patron asks him “What happened mate? Did you lose a thong?” the guy replies, “Nah mate, I found one!”.

Q: How do you say sorry to a koala bear?
A: Ensure that you BEAR your heart and soul with feeling.

I met a bloke from Australia who worked in I.T
I asked him “Do you come from a LAN down under?”

Did you hear about the two baked beans that hitchhiked around Australia?
They ended up in Cairns (town in Queensland).

Q: Why do Wombat’s make bad husbands?
A: Because he eats, roots, shoots and leaves.

I just watched an Aussie cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue. I was surprised ... Usually Aussies boo meringue.

You know you’re Australian when ... Most of the words you know end in “o” such as arvo (afternoon), servo (service station), bottlo (bottle shop), supo (supermarket), garbo (rubbish collector). You know that there is a difference between thongs and underwear. Stubbies are things that can either be worn by blokes or drunk (beer). A place called “woop woop” is not actually a place, but is very far from civilisation. Calling someone “mate” or “bastard” (with a smile) is a completely appropriate term to call anyone in Australia be they male or female. You answer most questions by saying “no worries” or “no drama”. When you know the national anthem but have no idea what “girt” (???) means. You know the best place to get a cooked sausage is Bunnings (hardwear shopping chain). You greet people by saying garn (???).

Q: Why is there no way Jesus was born in Australia?
A: There is no way to find 3 wise men and a virgin.

If hell is red, hot, dry and mainly empty, how do Aussies know when thy are dead.

Q: What did the Aussie fella do after he finished raking the leaves?
A: He fell outta the bloody tree

Q: What’s the difference between the Aussie Rugby team and the Sydney harbour Bridge?
A: Not everyone has walked over the Sydney harbour bridge.

Q: Why aren’t the Wallabies (Aussie national Rugby Team) team members allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can’t hold on to a lead.

Q: Whats the difference between Cinderella and the Wallabies rugby team?
A: Cinderella actually made it to the ball

Q: What do you call an Aussie that scores well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat

Q: What do you get if you cross breed an Australian with a monkey?
A: Nothing, monkeys know better than that

Q: What is the 8th wonder of the world?
A: An Australian with their mouth shut.

Q: What is an Aussies idea of foreplay?
A: “You awake Sheila? (slang for a female)”

An insult for Aussies - “I hope that your chooks (chickens) turn into Emu’s and kick your dunny (outside toilet, usually made of wood) down.”