Chapter 68

WANT TO KNOW HOW BAD INFLATION IS:
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Called to get Blue Book Value on my car. They asked if gas tank was full or empty.
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Biiguy is responsible for the following:

Tricky, isn’t it. If you’re both a moth and a ship’s captain ... And you see a lighthouse. (You know you shouldn’t, but you want to... )

A guy named Bart walks into a bar and is immediately shot and killed.

Who killed him?

The Bartender.

I was blessed with a 9-inch penis.

The priest is in prison now.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex,

Would you say that my addiction has gotten out of hand?

On my last flight, my wife kept asking me, when are you going to get an upgrade? When are you going to get an upgrade?

It took a while, but in the end, I got a better wife.

If it’s true that stress brings on weight loss, then why the hell am I not invisible?

Research has shown that the average person’s greatest fear is public speaking. Death is second. That means that if the average person was attending a funeral, he’d rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.

I was invited by a female janitor to smoke some pot at her apartment, but I politely refused.

I can’t deal with high maintenance women.

What’s the difference between a camel and a college student?

A camel can go 5 days without drinking...

A construction worker went to the doctor and said, “Doctor, I’m constipated”.

The doctor examined him and told him to bend over the table. Then he whacked the patient on the ass with a baseball bat. There was a cracking sound and the doctor sent him to the bathroom.

The guy emerged a few minutes later and smiled: “Doctor, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation?”

The doctor said, “Stop wiping with cement bags”.