Chapter 45

Alphqwe contributed a few more: Enjoy

As I think about all the people who I have lost this year I have come to realize that tour guide may not be the job for me.

I was banging this really hot woman when we heard the front door open. “Quick. That’s my husband! Try the back door!” She said. I really should have run but I don’t get offers like that every day.

My wife tried to humiliate me by saying that I’m a lousy lover to her female friends. They all laughed and said she was wrong.

Irvmull provided this one!

Life continues to confound me.

Environmentalists say we must eliminate meat from our diet, because cow flatulence is driving climate change.

They tell us to eat rice, peas and BEANS instead.

I’m not all that good at math, but seems like replacing 1 billion farting cows with 8 billion farting humans ain’t exactly an improvement.

Here is a couple from jus-dafax: Smile and thank him!!!

A woman sends a text to her husband. “Honey, don’t forget to buy bread when you get out of work. BTW your girlfriend Valarie sends her greetings.”

Husband: Who is Valarie?

Wife “Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to confirm you saw my text.”

Husband: “But I’m with Valarie now! I thought you saw me!”

Wife: “What? Where are you?”

Husband: “Near the Bakery!”

Wife: “Wait! I’m coming right now!” After five minutes, his wife texts. “I’m at the bakery, where are you?”

“I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery, you buy the bread!”